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What to Say to Attract a Girl (Examples)
What if there were five techniques that would immediately improve your dating life?
A client recently told me, “I know all your teachings about building the right mindset as a foundation. But right now, I just want things I can go out, practice, and see an improvement.”
I gave him the five techniques I’m going to give you. About a week later, he was like, “Holy crap. I can’t believe how well this stuff worked.”
I want to tell you exactly what I told him.
These are five techniques that if you start using them, they will increase:
- The amount of women you’re meeting.
- The number of dates you’re going on.
- The level of attraction you receive.
Attraction Trick #1: Opinion Openers
Many guys see a woman at a bar, a party, in class, or at work… and don’t go for it. Instead of approaching her, they think, “What do I say?”
The opinion opener is the easiest solution: it’s where you use a woman’s opinion to start the conversation.
Maybe you’re talking to your friend at a bar and a woman walks by.
Turn to her and say, “Hey, can I ask you something? I need a woman’s opinion,” and then you ask her a question.
The question could be anything in the world, but it’s best if it’s something really related to what you and your friend were already discussing.
Example of an “Opinion Opener”
I was having a conversation with my friend recently. He had met a girl on a dating app and she had been texting him a lot, but he wasn’t interested. He wanted to end it, but he didn’t want to come across as a dick and say, “I’m not into you.”
I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye, so I told her, “Hey, we need a girl’s opinion on this. My friend is trying to end this relationship with a girl and he wants to let her down easy. What’s the best way to do it?”
The girl starts talking. Now her and my friend start talking, and all of a sudden, they’re in the middle of a conversation.
The opinion opener had worked: the conversation had started.
The purpose of the opinion opener is just to start the conversation. You don’t keep talking about the subject for long.
In fact, it’s best when you move off of it and quickly get on to flirting about other things.
Another Example of an “Opinion Opener”
I remember years ago when I learned about opinion openers, I was nervous as hell to start conversations. I was out with a friend at a bar, but I was too scared to try the technique.
Then I walked into the bathroom… and somebody mistook me as a drug dealer.
This random dude goes, “You got?”
I don’t know if I was dressed like a dealer, or if I resembled a dealer that he had bought from… I still have no idea.
So I walked back out to my friend. I hadn’t talked to one girl all night. I was scared shitless. But having had that altercation in the bathroom, I go, “Hmm, why don’t I ask an opinion?”
So a girl was standing there and I go, “Hey, I need your opinion. Am I like dressed like a drug dealer? I had three different people come up to me today and ask me where they can get pot from or coke or whatever.”
And she goes, “What? No.”
We started talking, and sure enough, we got into a good conversation.
Start Using “Opinion Openers” to Break the Ice with Girls
An opinion opener doesn’t have to be used at a bar. You could be walking down the street. Asking directions can even be used as an opener.
But the best openers are ones that really require an opinion, because women love to give their point of view on something.
One of my favorites is to tell a woman, “Hey, me and my friend are having an argument here. Who lies more: men or women?”
You can bet she’ll want to give her opinion on that.
Attraction Trick #2: False Time Constraints
This one ties into “opinion openers”.
For me, one of the big issues I had starting conversations was not so much fear of rejection, but a fear that she would go, “Oh, no, I’m going to get stuck talking to this guy.”
Back then my conversation skills were horrible. I knew that after a few minutes, I would probably run out of steam and start asking boring interview-style questions like, “Where did you grow up? Did you have brothers and sisters?”
And I knew that at that point it would get really awkward.
So I learned a solution called a false time constraint: when you start a conversation, whether it’s using an opinion opener or anything else, you go, “Hey, I got to get back to my friend in a second, but I just wanted to ask you something.”
It creates this constraint that you can now use.
Explaining the “False Time Constraint”
Taking the Pressure Off
The “false time constraint” takes a burden off of you.
It’s like jumping out of a plane with a parachute. You know that if anything goes wrong, you can pull that cord and go, “Hey, I got to get back to my friends.”
She can feel comfortable because in her mind, she’s like, “Okay, I’m not going to get stuck talking to this guy for the next two hours because he’s got to get back to his friends.”
And in your mind, you’re like, “Well, the minute I sense an awkwardness, I can say I got to get back to my friends. It won’t be weird because I already planted the idea.”
If you two hit it off really well, you can say, “My friends can wait, let’s talk a little longer.”
But it’s also beneficial to break away to go talk to your friends – this shows her you’re willing to walk away – then come back and continue the conversation.
The false time restraint gives you that freedom to seamlessly come and go.
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Attraction Trick #3: The Disqualifier
Let’s say you start talking to a woman. You use the opinion opener and the time constraint.
Now it’s time for the “disqualifier”.
A lot of guys get nervous and think, “If I’m showing too much interest, she’s going to back off.”
And it’s true, you are going to be showing interest. To be talking and flirting with her, you NEED to express interest.
So the solution for not showing too much interest is to create uncertainty early on.
Confuse her with a disqualifier.
Example of Disqualifying Her
A disqualifier is a statement like, “Hey, you’re a really cool girl. You’re going to be my new best friend.”
Or, “I really like you. You’re like my little kid sister.”
Why the Disqualifying Her Works
The disqualifier makes her think, “Wait a minute. He’s being all flirty. But he just called me his kid sister or his new best friend.”
Now there’s confusion in her mind.
And women like confusion because it presents a challenge to them.
It’s almost like her saying, “I’m going to show him I’m not his little sister. I’m going to show him I’m not just a friend.”
Instead of the other way around where she’s the one going, “Oh, you’re like my new friend,” you’re doing it to her.
While she’s thinking “Maybe he’s not hitting on me. What is this?” it buys you time to create attraction.
And it instigates the chase in her mind.
Attraction Trick #4: Routines
A routine is a “pre-planned” conversation tidbit that you have ready.
It’s like a script that you can use to move a conversation in the direction you want to go.
If a conversation ends up in a neutral area where you don’t sense you’re creating any attraction, the routine can get it back on track.
I’ll give you an example. I must have used this routine hundreds of times back in the day. It was sort of an “opinion opener”, but in the middle of a conversation.
An Example of a Routine
It started when my friend and I were talking to two women who didn’t have great conversation skills. They were asking us “interview-style” questions and things were getting boring.
An alarm went off in my head: this was not a fun interaction. I needed to use a routine to get it on track before it fizzled out.
One of the women asked me, “Where did you go to college?”
Instead of answering that boring question, I said, “Hold on for a second. Before I answer that, me and my buddy here were just talking and I’ve got to ask your opinion. Do drunk I love yous count?”
She replied, “What do you mean?”
I repeated, “Do drunk I love yous count?”
Becoming puzzled, she asked, “What, what?”
I explained, “My friend here was with a girl the other night. She was really drunk and said ‘I love you’ to him, but it was the first time she ever said it. So now he’s wondering, ‘Does that count? Do I have to say it back now? Is it weird?’”
Women love this kind of conversation. The pair of women perked up and began espousing their philosophies on saying ‘I love you.’ They started recounting anecdotes.
Then, because I knew I needed to bring sexuality into the conversation, I said, “What if someone blurts out ‘I love you’ during really good sex? Does that count?”
“Well, if the sex is really good,” one of the women said.
Suddenly the four of us were talking about that instead.
We went from a boring conversation about where I went to college to an engaging conversation about sex. All thanks to one routine which was “Do drunk I love you’s count?”
Keep A Stockpile of Routines Ready
The more routines you have, the more you’re able to make sure that you can have good conversations, because you’re ready.
I have thousands of this type of material from over the years: things that I’ve used personally, things that my friends have used, and things that I’ve given my students.
The more of these routines you have ready… the better.
Attraction Trick #5: Create Barriers
“Barriers” are good if you want to say something sexual to create tension or to express sexual interest.
Put a barrier in front of it to let you off the hook a little bit.
Example of a “Barrier”
Let’s say you’re flirting with a woman and it’s going well.
A barrier would be saying, “If I wasn’t such a good Christian boy, I’d be totally trying to get in your pants right now.”
You’re giving her a thought about getting into her pants, but you’re saying you’re not going to because you’re a good Christian boy.
That’s the barrier.
But it’s a false barrier. You both know it’s false.
More Examples of “Barriers”
Another great barrier is to say, “You as my coworker is not going to work out. You’re too hot. It’s going to be distracting.”
Still another example would be to tell a woman, “We’re not going to get along. We would fight all the time. Then we’d have crazy makeup sex for hours. It would just get exhausting.”
Why Barriers Work
In all these barriers, you’re telling her she’s hot or you’re saying you want to have sex with her, yet you’re placing an obstacle in the scenario that supposedly blocks it from happening.
The barrier prevents her from having to confront the idea that you want to have sex with her. It allows her to think about it without having to react to it.
It’s a fun way to introduce sexuality into a conversation without it getting weird.
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Recap of the 5 “Attraction Tricks”
Remember these five techniques:
- The opinion opener
- The time constraint
- The disqualifier
- The routine
- The barrier
There’s nothing stopping you from using them immediately.
Having the right mindset, putting high value on yourself, being confident… all that stuff is super important. But these five techniques are like a cheat sheet.
By having an opinion opener, you can appear confident starting a conversation. You’re not nervously saying, “I saw you from across the room and wanted to talk to you.”
Instead, you’re boldly saying, “Hey, I got to ask your opinion on something.”
The time constraint makes you more confident because you no longer worry that you just jumped out of a plane without a parachute. You know you can leave at any moment with, “Hey, I got to get back to my friends.”
You can also use a time constraint when you’re asking a girl out on a date. Tell her, “I only have an hour on Tuesday, but it would be great to have a beer before I get to where I’m going.”
That time constraint allows her to go, “Okay, we can meet up. If it doesn’t go well, it’s only an hour.”
Disqualifiers are really fun.
Routines will change your game if you start using them.
And the barriers allow you to inject sexuality into your conversations.
The Next Steps for More Flirtatious Conversations with Women
If you want in-depth instruction on conversations, I have a book called Charismatic Conversation Secrets.
It costs $9 and it’s literally 10 years of my favorite conversation related techniques. You can check it out here.