Dating> Attraction > Be the Prize
by Bobby Rio • Updated: August 05, 2022
- The Secret Psychology of Ignoring a Woman
- 3 Ways to Regain the “Upper Hand” with a Girl
- These 5 techniques are like “Chick Crack”
Why You Should Never Put a Girl on a Pedestal
When you put a girl up on a pedestal, it always backfires.
Something clicks in her brain where she goes, “Whoa, I’m the prize here. I can relax a little bit. I don’t have to try as hard. I don’t have to impress him as much. I have options that could be better than him.”
When she does that, her interest in you starts to dwindle.
Any time you treat a woman like she’s above you, she begins to look at you like you’re beneath her.
It’s human nature.
In this article, what we’re going to talk about how to position yourself as the prize women chase.
- 1 Why You Should Never Put a Girl on a Pedestal
- 2 Girls Don’t Want to Be the Prize (They Want to CHASE it)
- 3 5 Ways to Become the Guy She Chases
- 4 Prize Method #1: Have an Unwavering Belief You Are the Prize
- 5 Prize Method #2: Stop Chasing Her Validation
- 6 Prize Method #3: Be the Decision Maker
- 7 Prize Method #4: Ask Her for a Favor
- 8 Prize Method #5: Set and Communicate Your Standards
- 9 Next Steps to Becoming the Prize She Chases
Girls Don’t Want to Be the Prize (They Want to CHASE it)
A lot of guys think, “If I treat her like a princess, that’s how I’m going to get her.”
But the reality is we all want to be with somebody that we see as the prize.
If you’re treating her like she’s the prize, she goes, “Well, I’m the prize here, that means he’s not.”
Does that make sense? You can’t both be the prize. So if she senses that she is the prize, it means that you’re not.
And a woman doesn’t want to BE the prize. She wants to be the person who EARNED the prize.
We all do.
We want somebody that we believe we have to work for, that we have to win over.
If you’re not making her work for you, you’re not doing what she believes is romantic.
Romance for a woman is winning a guy over.
5 Ways to Become the Guy She Chases
How do you give her the experience of letting her slowly win you over? By positioning yourself as the prize.
Let’s go through five ways to do this.
- STOP Being the “Nice Guy” (here’s how)
- 3Flirting Tips That Make Her Want You
- How to Make Her Think About You Non-Stop
Prize Method #1: Have an Unwavering Belief You Are the Prize
You must have a rock-solid belief that you are actually the prize.
A lot of guys think, “Well, I’m not the prize. She’s better looking than me,” or, “She’s more outgoing. She has more friends than me.”
They have all these things in their head that go, “Well, she’s the prize.”
But we’ve all met the guy who really doesn’t have a lot going for him. He’s not making a lot of money. He’s not the best-looking guy and he firmly believes that he’s the prize.
What happens when you do that? Other people buy into it. Women buy into it when you slap a really high price tag on yourself.
On the other hand, I coach a lot of guys that are good-looking. Guys that have six-figure jobs. Guys who are super personable and funny.
Yet, women are continually losing interest in them because they believe that the women are the prize.
They put the women up on a pedestal… and the women use those pedestals to look down on them.
A woman will only chase a man she sees as the prize
Remember this: The minute she figures out that she’s the prize, her interest in you diminishes.
Back in college, my friend Mike used to say:
The very same thing could be said right here about being the prize.
- If you believe you’re the prize, then you start acting like you are the prize.
- When you act like the prize, women begin to treat you like you’re the prize.
- When they do that, you become the prize.
It’s very simple. It’s a chicken or the egg type of thing, but you’ve got to start with that unwavering belief of “I am the prize.”
Now, what we’re going to talk about is how to implement that belief when you’re with a woman. How do you display this without coming out and saying, “Hey, I’m the prize?”
Because if you tell somebody something, they’re going to go, “Yeah, that’s not true,” or, “I don’t believe that,” or, “You’re clearly not like that.”
But if she assumes it on her own, then she believes it. So how do you act like the prize?
Well, that’s method number two.
Prize Method #2: Stop Chasing Her Validation
You have to stop chasing validation. When two people get together, one person tries harder. That person who tries harder holds less power in the interaction.
What’s also going on is there is something called a VALIDATION VACUUM.
When a man and a woman get together, if you ask a woman out on a date or you’re meeting up with her, there’s this VALIDATION VACCUM where somebody is going to be trying to get validation. Somebody’s going to be trying to impress the other person.
It’s sort of this thing that if it’s not happening, it’s kind of weird. It’s like, “Whoa, what’s going on?”
If you stop trying to impress her, she’s going to instinctively try to fill that vacuum… she’ll try to impress you and get validation from you. Because it’s just this thing where somebody has to do it.
One person’s always going to be trying to get the other person to like them more. It’s just the way it is when two people get together.
If you stop chasing her validation, she’s going to start chasing your validation.
What does it mean to stop chasing validation?
- Stop trying to impress her.
- Stop going into your head to find impressive things to say to her
- Stop being the entertainer trying to win over the audience
- Stop worrying about her approval or how much she likes you
- Stop trying so hard to win her over
You’re trying to get her validation. She’s the audience that you’re trying to win over.
What’s interesting is that women actually want to be the one winning you over. They want you to be the audience that is a little challenging to win over.
The harder your validation is to earn, the more it feels like a badge of honor when she finally wins it.
You want to allow her to switch into that entertainer role because that’s the role she would rather be in. It’s the role she feels more comfortable in.
When it Comes to Value, Show Don’t Tell
Remember, it’s always better to demonstrate your value instead of telling her. If you think about the reasons you’re going to tell her that you do something, it’s usually rooted in wanting to earn her validation. It’s rooted in seeing her as the prize.
Maybe you want to tell her about your vacation to South America. What you’re really trying to do is show that you’re adventurous. You’re hoping to get validation from her.
Maybe you want to tell her about your new job promotion. What you’re really trying to do is show that you’re a leader. You’re still just hoping to get validation from her.
We believe something more when we see it with our own eyes.
- Instead of telling her how you are adventurous, be adventurous with her.
- Instead of telling her that you’re a leader at work, lead her. Take her and say, “Hey, let’s go do this.”
- Lead the vibe with her.
- Make bold statements around her.
- Take charge and have her see you as a leader
- Instead of telling her about adventurous stuff that you’ve done, be adventurous with her.
Stop Explaining Yourself
Another thing to keep in mind with this idea of not chasing validation is: Don’t Overly Explain Yourself.
If somebody’s the prize and we want them to like us, we tend to try to justify things to them.
If we aren’t really comfortable with the job we have, we might try to explain, “Well, I’m only doing this for a little while until I find something better.”
That’s explaining yourself. That’s putting her above you.
When you do that, you’re showing the person that their opinion is really important to you and you’re trying to impress them.
Stop explaining, and simply let your life be observed at face value.
Let your statements land in her ears without further justification. If you do, she’s going to sense that you’re confident in yourself and don’t need her validation.
She’ll step in to fill the Validation Vacuum.
She’ll start wanting to justify herself to you, since you’re the one who’s confident enough to dish out validation.
Prize Method #3: Be the Decision Maker
The third thing that you want to do in terms of being the prize is be the decision maker.
I coach guys all the time that they go out on a date or two, and then the woman loses interest and it’s always because of this.
Because she’s clearly the prize, in her eyes, by the way he’s treating her.
But what a lot of guys don’t understand is that we think, “Well, we’re sick of getting ghosted by women. We’re sick of women losing interest after a couple dates.”
But here’s the thing, women are just as sick of this.
Women are going out on all these dating apps and meeting all these guys who never call them back. They deal with guys who ghost them. They deal with guys who sleep with them and never talk to them again.
In her mind, all these guys are the prize. She was the one who got ghosted. So she feels like HE was the PRIZE.
If you come into it and you start treating her like the prize, then there’s something off to her about that.
Take on the role of the judge
When I say, BE THE DECISION MAKER, it means go into the date thinking:
- I’m not automatically impressed by her.
- I don’t automatically want her to be my girlfriend.
- I’m giving her a chance.
- I want to kiss her and see if there’s a spark.
- I want to get to know her and decide whether I want more.
When you do that, when you go into it with this attitude of, “I don’t know what I want. I want to get to know her,” you become the decision maker.
What does this mean in action?
Next Level Deep Curiosity Explained
Validation comes from curiosity. Being curious about a woman comes BEFORE giving her validation.
Let’s say you’re talking to a woman and you find out she’s a lawyer. Well, the natural instinct of a guy who’s trying to impress a woman, he’s going to go, “Wow, you’re a lawyer. That must have been so hard. You went through school. That’s so cool. You must be making a lot of money.”
He’s showering her with validation before he even knows any details. He doesn’t even know why she chose to be a lawyer.
He thinks he’s making her feel good.
But what if her family had the expectation she was going to be a lawyer and that’s not really what she wanted to do.
Well, now when you tell her how cool it is that she’s a lawyer, it doesn’t mean anything to her. It kind of just seems like a kiss-ass thing to say.
How to properly “validate” a woman
Instead, go NEXT LEVEL DEEP CURIOSITY before validating.
She’ll say, “I’m a lawyer.”
Then you’ll get curious about her motivations, you’ll ask, “Oh, what made you decide to do that?”
Then, she might go, “Well, I’ve always been into the law growing up.”
Then you’ll get curious about what that entails. You’ll say, “I never met a little kid who was studying law. What got you excited about law? What drew you to that?”
When that’s happening, she’s repeatedly going in her brain and going, “Oh, he wants to know why I got drawn to law. Okay. What is my reason?”
She’s subconsciously going to try to impress you.
She’s flattered by your curiosity and doesn’t want to disappoint you with a bad answer.
When she finally explains why she liked the law as a kid, you’re eventually going to say, “Oh, that’s really cool,” and now it means something to her, because she had to jump through hoops and come up with multiple deep answers to satisfy your curiosity. This positions you as not being easily won over. You come across looking like the prize.
- 5 Weird Traits That Make Girls Chase You
- The #1 Way to Have Power Over a Woman
- “Cold Reading” Technique for Validating Women
Prize Method #4: Ask Her for a Favor
What’s interesting about this one is, as guys, we tend to think, “Well, to get a woman to like me, I’m going to do her a favor.”
- If she’s complaining that her car is making a weird sound, we might automatically go, “I know a little bit about cars. I’ll take a look at it.”
- If she’s mentioning that her computer’s not working, and we’re tech savvy, we want to jump at an opportunity to fix it.
- If she needs help moving furniture we jump to do it
We do her a favor because we think that’s going to make her like us more.
But what Benjamin Franklin talked about 200 years ago was this idea that we actually like somebody more when we find ourselves doing a favor for them.
Ben Franklin said, “If you want somebody to like you, ask them for a favor.”
It’s something called EFFORT JUSTIFICATION.
This means when we’re going after something, when we’re doing something, we want to believe that we doing it for a reason that makes sense.
Part of her brain is going to start going, “Well, why am I doing this? Oh, I must like this guy. It must be worth it.”
Make use of Effort Justification
I had a friend name Doug who did really well with women…
He’d meet a girl at a bar and five minutes into talking to her, he’d be like, “Hey, can you hold my drink for a second?” And then, he’d just turn and talk to us while she’s holding his drink. I’d always be like, “That’s so rude.”
Now I understand.
Doug was one of those guys that had the unwavering belief that he was the prize so he thought, “Why would she not want to hold my drink?”
He would end up sleeping with her because when we do somebody a favor, we begin to like them more.
You don’t need to go overboard with this. You don’t need to have a girl doing you favor after favor after favor.
But, at the same time, don’t be afraid to ask for a favor early on with a woman.
It could be something as simple as if she mentions she’s really good with editing phone videos. Then you’d say, “Oh, you know what? Can you show me how to do it?”
Prize Method #5: Set and Communicate Your Standards
A few years back, I was going to get some cosmetic work done on my teeth and I was going to a bunch of different dentists. It was really interesting, this whole idea of the prize.
Some dentists I would go to and I’d walk in and they’d be just hovering over me, saying, “Do you want water? Do you need anything?”
They’d be kissing my ass to get me to use them. I’d leave and I’d get emails from them, asking, “Have you decided yet? Do you have any questions?”
I always got a weird feeling about them.
I would wonder, “If they’re really good at what they do, shouldn’t I be chasing after them?”
Then one day I arrived to visit another dentist. On his door was a sign that read, “If you’re more than five minutes late, you’re going to have to reschedule.” I was like, “Whoa, that’s kind of a mean thing to write.”
Then I walked in and I told him what I wanted. He started explaining his procedures and I started to say, “Listen, I already know what I want and I have somewhere to go. Can you just kind of tell me the cost?”
Communicating your the prize
He looked at me and said, flatly, “No. I need to explain to you what I’m going to do. If you don’t have time now, you can come back. If you don’t want to hear it, then maybe we’re not right for each other.”
I sat there and I listened to him. And then, he gave me the price, which was a few thousand dollars higher than everybody else. I kind of asked him and he goes, “Listen, you’re paying for quality.”
No, he wasn’t apologetic about it. He was just very matter of fact. He never begged me with email follow-ups. I never heard from him.
I wound up going, “Hey, I want to use that guy,” because in my mind, that dentist was the prize.
Because he set and communicated his standards, and he didn’t need my business enough to back down from those standards.
Do not let a woman downgrade your meetups.
How does this relate to women?
Well, one example that you can do is:
Dealing with girls’ tests:
- Handling Crappy Behavior (without ruining things)
- Why Women Test Men
- Formula for Passing Her “Tests”
If you have plans with a woman for dinner and all of a sudden she texts and says, “I’m kind of tired tonight, why don’t we meet for lunch tomorrow instead?”
That’s a downgrade, because we all know that dinner is a much better opportunity to get to know her.
There’s a much better chance that the night is going to continue back at one of your places later. It’s just a much better environment for a date than lunch. Lunch is this thing that, after an hour, you got to leave.
But a lot of guys see her as the prize, so they go, “Well, if I lose this opportunity, I might not see her again.” They write back to her, “Oh, sure, sure. Forget dinner. I’ll meet you for lunch.”
But the reality is you want to set and communicate your standards.
Reply to her and say, “Why don’t we just reschedule for a night you have free? I’d rather meet for dinner.”
You might be thinking, “Well, I might lose my chance.”
But in her mind, you just communicated that you’re the prize.
If you tell a woman, “Hey, I’ve got tickets to a concert on Friday, you want to go?”
If she writes back being wishy-washy and says, “Oh, can I let you know? I’m still figuring out my plans.”
You better not agree to wait. Because she’s attempting to downgrade you to the role of “backup plan.”
Instead, take the offer off the table.
Text her back and say, “I can tell this week’s not good for you, let’s hang out another time.” And go to the concert with someone else.
That’s what a prize would do.
Next Steps to Becoming the Prize She Chases
Now, a lot of guys go, “Well, how can I be the prize? I don’t have that attitude. I don’t have that social charisma.”
I want to tell you about a free class that I do a couple times a week, and it’s called 3 Steps to Status, Power, and Social Charisma
When I talk about this, is a lot of people think it’s hard to make this transformation. But, in reality, there’s really only three elements to raising your status, power and charisma in the eyes of a woman.
A big part of it is this: being a prize is not grounded in any reality.
Being the prize is grounded in PERCEPTION.
How does she perceive you?
There’s numerous things that you can do to change her perception of you.
You’re not the prize because you look a certain way or have a certain job. Think of those things as your resume. Your resume might catch attention for a second, but only to get you to the first job interview.
If you have a really good resume, you may get more dates, just like somebody with a really good resume might get more job interviews. But on the job interview, that’s when who you are comes out.
Your Attitude and Behavior Reveal if You’re the Prize
You have to be backing up your status as the prize with an attitude and in the way you interact.
That’s what this class is about. It’s about becoming the prize in her eye. Three steps to status, value, and charisma.
Below this article, you’ll find a link where you can register. It’s completely free and there are a couple of classes to choose from.
We’re going to talk about:
- High value behaviors that you need.
- Low value traits that you need to drop.
- How to control your reputation.
- How to communicate from a position of status.
- Ways that women will test you.
Women do these things called PRIZE TESTS. When they don’t know who’s the prize in this interaction, they’re going to throw a test at you to see, “Does he try to impress me right now? Does he explain himself to me and try to please me?”
In the class, we’ll talk about how to handle these, because a lot of guys handle them completely wrong. Either they miss them, or get defensive, or they go overboard in trying to counteract them. That doesn’t work if you want to actually be with her.
We’re going to talk about how to control your reputation.
Because your reputation, especially in a social circle, is extremely important. For example, let’s say you work with a woman that you find attractive. You could have everything going for you, but if you had a bad reputation at the job, meaning another woman in the office goes, “Oh, he’s kind of creepy,” that alone could kill your chances with the women you like.
We’re going to talk about how to communicate from a position of status.
We’ve discussed that a bit in this article. We’re going to go way more in depth in the class.
So click the link and register.
See how Social Power, Status, and Charisma can help you transform into the prize that women chase.