The “Golden Triangle” of Attractive Conversation with Girls

DatingConversation > Golden Triangle
by Bobby Rio • Updated: July 30, 2022

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attractive conversation

3 Elements of Attractive Conversation

When you’re talking to a woman; how do you create attraction?

How do you get her feeling chemistry so that she thinks, “Wow, there’s something here. I don’t want this to end”?

That’s what we’re going to discuss in this article.

Because I want to share with you something I call The Golden Triangle. 

And this how to have a conversation that makes a woman want you more.  This is how to have a conversation that gets a woman feeling attraction toward you.

I know sometimes as myself, an introvert, when I get around a woman, a lot of times my mind would go blank. Back then, I would get in front of her and I’d have all these ideas and then I’d be like, wait a minute, what should I be talking about?

And, I’d wind up just going, “So what do you do for work?”

Or, the other stupid questions that we all ask when we don’t know what to say.

But as I studied men who were naturally good with women, and I realized there were three specific ingredients that, if you weave them into your conversation, you’ll end up creating chemistry.

And the “Golden Triangle” is a way to organize this information in your mind

So what are the three things that make up the golden triangle?

Ok, let’s go each of three elements you want to weave into your conversations with women.

  1. Fun
  2. Connection
  3. Intimacy

 All three ingredients must be in place, if you’re missing even one of them, you’ll end up in the  “friend zone” or the “creep zone”.  As you’ll see as we go through them.

Golden Triangle Part #1: Fun

There are certain things that are universally fun.

Surprise is Fun: When you expect something to go one way and then it doesn’t meet your expectations, but in a good way.

Being Spontaneous is Fun:When you think back of some of your most fun moments, it’s probably when you did something spur-of-the-moment. We all remember the impromptu trip we went on with our friends.

Playfulness is Fun: I use the terminology “Take her back to the playground.” Things that were fun on the playground back in the fourth grade are also fun in the context of dating, because you’re with someone you’re attracted to.

Taking her back to the playground could include:

  • Having a pillow fight
  • Thumb wrestling
  • Creating imaginary scenarios
  • Role playing

Remove Her From Reality

The biggest mistake guys make is keeping their conversations within reality. They talk about their jobs, troubles, bosses, and vacations.

To create chemistry and attraction, you need to remove her from everyday reality. And you do that by playing little childish games with her.

Say to a woman, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we were top-secret spies right now…” and build an imaginary scenario, then get her giving input to co-create the moment with you.  This bonds you together by removing the two of you from everyday reality.

Teasing is Fun

Another key part of fun is teasing. A lot of guys get teasing wrong.

You don’t tease somebody about something that they’re insecure about. That’s like being the bully on the playground. You tease somebody about something that they’re proud about. You’re playful about something that you know is actually a compliment.

This is what makes teasing a great way to flirt with a girl.

Example of Being Fun Through “Teasing”

If you’re talking to a woman and you find out that she went to Harvard, you can say, “Hey, so do you find a way to inject the fact that you went to Harvard into every conversation? Do you accidentally leave your diploma on the seat of your car and say ‘How did that get there?’”

You can tease her about that, because it’s something that makes her feel good, but she can laugh about it because some of it’s probably true.

On the other hand, if she didn’t go to college, you’re not going to tease her about that, because that’s an insecurity she might have.

If someone is dressed really well, you can say, “Come on, it took you 18 hours just to pick out that outfit, right?”

Danger: Fun By Itself 

All three parts of the Golden Triangle are necessary. If you only did the fun element, she might go, “That was really fun,” but she’ll forget you because she feels no connection.

More on Being Fun:

So let’s move on to the next part of the triangle.

Golden Triangle Part #2: Connection

A big misconception guys have about “connecting with women” is they think it means “we like the same things.”

Connection is not about simply liking the same things.

When I ask clients, “What do you like about her?” Many of them say, “Oh, we both liked the same music and we both like going mountain biking and we both like hiking.”

That’s not connection. Women don’t want a guy who’s exactly like them.

Women want an “emotional connection.”

 Connecting Over Emotional Experiences

 You get to know somebody by getting inside their head, seeing the world through their eyes, and then relating to that.

Keep the emotions light. You don’t want to say, “I had an overbearing mother growing up and she liked my brother better than me.” You don’t want to bond over these negative emotions.

Bond over light emotions.

Example of Connecting with a woman:

Tell her a story about how, when you were seven years old, you found out there was no such thing as Santa Claus because you went into the closet and you saw all the toys. And you thought, “If I tell my mom that I found the toys, I’m not going to get presents. Do I pretend that I still believe in Santa Claus because I want my parents to keep up the charade?”

That’s the kind of childhood experience that you can tell in a way that bonds her to you.

The light internal conflict.

A good topic to bring up is “bad dates” from the past.

You could say, “I went out with this one girl and she looked nothing like her pictures. In her pictures she was this petite Asian. I get there and it’s a 200-pound white girl. In my head I’m thinking ‘What do I do? Do I bring it up? What’s the etiquette on that? Or do I just sneak out to my car and leave?’”

You’re sharing that emotion of disappointment and being conflicted. She can relate to that. Even if she’s never had that experience, she can put herself in your shoes.

Get her to share emotional experiences, too. When you take the lead, she’ll come back and tell something similar. She’ll be putting herself out there and you’ll be relating to her.

That’s where connection happens.

Danger: Connection By Itself

Connection has got to be done within the context of all three parts of the Golden Triangle. If you just spend the whole conversation connecting, you’ll wind up in the friend zone because you didn’t create any intimacy.

More on Connection:

So let’s move on to the next part of the triangle.

99.9% of Women Fall in Love When You Say “THIS”

Golden Triangle Part #3: Intimacy

We’ve all had good conversations with somebody we’re not attracted to.

Intimacy is the ingredient that separates an attractive conversation from a conversation you would have with your friends.

How do you bring intimacy into a conversation?

Eye Contact is Intimacy

You wouldn’t hold eye contact with a friend. So when you hold it a bit longer than usual with a woman, it sends the message that this is not just a friendly chat.

A great time to do this is an awkward silence. Instead of rushing to fill the silence, holding eye contact will show that you can handle the tension. This creates attraction.

Touching is Intimacy

When you’re on a date with a woman, you want to begin touching her early and often.

We’re talking about touching her in G-rated places, like her hand, her forearm, her elbow, or her back. These brief touches work under the radar as “Invisible Escalation,” causing a feeling of intimacy to grow. Because again, this is not what you would do with your friends.

Compliments are Intimacy

Intimacy can also be compliments, but not the type of compliments most guys use. So I call them specific compliments, because you don’t give specific compliments to somebody you’re not attracted to.

If a girl has nice eyes or is beautiful, telling her, “You have amazing eyes,” or “You’re so beautiful,” is going to be a boring, general compliment, because she hears it from everyone all the time.

 On the other hand, you can create intimacy by telling her a specific compliment about something you find attractive about her.

You could point to a little freckle on her shoulder and say, “I love that little freckle on your shoulder. It’s sexy.”

Making the Conversation R-rated is Intimacy

Think of the movie rating system. G-rated is completely family friendly. R-rated is full of edgier topics. You can create intimacy by introducing R-rated elements into your conversation.

Let’s say you’re talking about TV shows and she mentions that she’s been watching Outlander.

If you’ve seen Outlander, you know that it’s essentially porn for women. So you could make an R-rated implication by responding, “Oh yeah. I bet you watch Outlander. I bet you watch it with the door closed.” Give her a little look and now you’re bringing that element of sexuality into the conversation.

Correctly injecting sexuality in a conversation is not about graphically talking about it. It’s about alluding to it. It’s about challenging her a little bit about it.

Danger: Intimacy By Itself

If all you’re doing is touching her and making sexual comments, you’re going to become a creep. But if you’re connecting with her by telling childhood stories, then you add in some touching and edgy allusions to sex, that’s where intimacy saves you from the friendzone and works to create chemistry.

The key is that you’re always rotating through the three parts of the Golden Triangle. You’re not staying in any one area for too long.

More on Intimacy:

5 “Words” That Turn all Women On

The Next Step for Sparking Attraction

This stuff didn’t come naturally to me, I had to learn it from the ground up. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, then I have a book to help with the process.

The book is called Charismatic Conversation Secrets. It goes a lot deeper into the Golden Triangle of Conversation. It describes example after example of ways to create a fun vibe, an emotional connection, and sexy intimacy.

It also details the mistakes you want to avoid.

If conversation is something you want help with, grab a copy of Charismatic Conversation Secrets.

It’s $7 and you can order it at the link here.