Dating> Attraction > Getting Dumped
by Bobby Rio • Updated: July 3, 2022
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How to Handle Getting Dumped with TWO WORDS
Think fast. The woman you love is breaking up with you.
Giving you the friend zone speech, telling you she doesn’t feel it, she doesn’t see it going anywhere.
Do you know the ONE WAY to handle it that gives you a SECOND CHANCE?
What should you say? How should you react? That’s what we’re going to discuss in this article.
Never Try to Change a Woman’s Mind When She is Ending Things
Do not attempt to try to change her mind.
I repeat, do not attempt to try to change her mind.
Sadly, that’s exactly what most guys attempt to do. It’s every guy’s first instinct. But you gotta fight that.
It’s a mistake for two reasons:
Mistake Reason One: Triggering “Win” Instinct
No one likes to lose an argument. If you try to change her mind, you make it an argument and give her more motivation to stick to her decision in order to “win.” The more you try to change her mind, the more she’s going to dig her heels in.
Mistake Reason Two: Damage to Your Self-Esteem
When you put it all on the line to chase a girl and get shot down, your self-esteem starts to dwindle.
What to Say When a Woman is Breaking Up with You
So what do you do when a woman is giving you the breakup alk?
Look at her and say, “Sure, all right.”
Like it doesn’t bother you. Like you’re totally cool with it.
This sets you up to possibly rekindle things with her in the future.
To understand that, let’s talk about the three reasons a woman breaks up with you.
Breakup Reason #1: She Just Doesn’t Like You
Sometimes she just doesn’t like you. You’re not her type.
Can you change her mind? Possibly.
Is it worth it to chase after her? Probably not.
Because she doesn’t like you.
But that’s usually not the case if it’s a situation where it’s a girl that you’ve been dating for a while. Because if she didn’t like you at all, she wouldn’t have spent so much time with you. She wouldn’t have continued dating you.
So this is actually a rare reason why she ends it. More likely, it’s one of these next two reasons.
Breakup Reason #2: Bad Timing
We’ve all probably been in this situation ourselves. Maybe we met one girl, and we go out on a few dates with her. And she’s really cool, we really kind of get along, and we can potentially see a future with her.
But then this other girl comes into our life. Maybe she was:
- An ex-girlfriend.
- The girl who got away.
- A female friend.
- A coworker you had a crush on.
In any case, she’s a girl we’re just more invested in.
The minute we get attention from her, we forget about the first girl we were seeing. We see the second girl as a shiny new object that pulls away our attention.
This happens a lot with women.
When a woman suddenly goes cold, a lot of times it’s because”
- An ex-boyfriend popped back into the picture.
- Or her old crush hit her up on Instagram.
- One of her co-workers finally asked her out
Now she’s going on a date with him and wants to give all her attention to him.
It’s just bad timing for you.
Breakup Reason #3: Imbalance of Romantic Interest
A woman will often end things because she doesn’t know how she feels about you… and she senses that you have strong feelings for her.
When she senses that you like her much more than she likes you, that scares her away.
On a scale of one to 10, she’s at maybe a five, right? She thinks, “I like this guy. He’s cool, he’s fun.”
Then she sees that you’re at a 9 or 10. She’s like, “Woah, this guy’s already thinking about marriage, and he’s already imagining that we have this future together, it’s going too fast. I don’t know yet. I’m still kind of on the fence about him.”
She decides she’d better get off the train now, before it’s moving too fast for her to exit. She doesn’t want it to get weird later when you’re feelings are even more invested.
She’s going to say, “Let’s just cool this off.”
Because it’s easier.
If she doesn’t think you feel it that much… if she thinks you like her somewhere around a 5 on the 1 to 10 scale… a lot of times she’ll keep it going. She’ll enjoy it because there’s less pressure.
But if she senses that you’re REALLY into her and she’s not at that same level, she’s going to end it before things get more complicated down the road.
Okay, now a quick review of the REASONS A WOMAN WILL BREAK UP:
- She just doesn’t like you.
- Imbalance of interest.
Let’s take that knowledge back to that moment where she’s giving you the BREAKUP TALK.
Let’s take the “She just doesn’t like you” reason off the table for a minute and deal with the other two: timing and imbalance of interest.
When she’s ending it, if you try to CHANGE HER MIND, you’re guaranteed to fail.
Because if the timing’s off, you’re not going to convince her.
And if she’s not sure about you, and then you try to convince her how sure you are about her, that’s just going to further prove that there’s an imbalance of interest.
That’s why the best thing to do in that moment is simply say, “Sure, alright.”
This will help you get another shot with her in the future.
Reasons Why Saying “SURE, ALRIGHT” Works:
Reason #1: The Right Attitude
The attitude you want to convey is: CHOOSE, DON’T NEED.
What do I mean by that? I mean, you choose to be with her, but you don’t need to be with her.
When you say “Sure, all right,” it’s like you were choosing to be there. You weren’t emotionally invested and attached, and you’re not going to lose your mind and go crazy that she’s not around.
You were choosing her, which is a very attractive trait.
Women want to be with a guy who chooses to be with them, not a guy who needs to be with them.
So when she’s ending things with you, and you just kind of casually let it roll off of you, she goes, “Oh, okay. He was cool with this.”
It elicits a positive memory of you in her mind as she’s leaving. Which opens the opportunity for you to contact her in the future.
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Reason #2: Fear of Loss Kicks In
The other reason why saying “Sure, alright,” works is because humans are intensely affected by FEAR OF LOSS.
When she breaks up with you, she’s feeling pretty content with herself. She’s full of validation from knowing she could have kept you as long as she wanted.
She’s expecting you to make one of the common mistakes:
- Trying to convince her.
- Confessing your feelings.
- Giving her gifts to win her over.
- Going cold or getting angry at her.
What do all those mistakes have in common? They are strong, emotional reactions that convey that you strongly care about keeping her. Even if you’re going cold on her, that coldness is because you’re hurt by her rejection.
She’s expecting you to care strongly.
So when you seem kind of cool with the breakup, she’s caught off guard. That sense of validation disappears. Maybe you didn’t like her that much after all? Maybe you weren’t so needy and over-interested after all.
She wonders, “Did I make a mistake?”
And all of a sudden, fear of loss kicks in. S
he thinks, “This guy’s a lot cooler than I thought. And I might really lose this guy now.”
You leave her doubting herself.
For this to work, you have to be willing to walk away and potentially never see her again. You very well may get her back with some patience, but that needs to be a pleasant surprise that you WANT, not a necessity that you desperately NEED.
If you’re not okay with walking away, she will sense it. So in that moment, will yourself to let go and find opportunities with women who appreciate you more.
You are still better off doing that than trying to convince her.
7 Ways to Make a Woman Miss You
TRYING TO CONVINCE HER WILL NEVER WORK.
But being cool with it and saying “Sure, alright,” LEAVES HER WITH AN ATTRACTIVE MEMORY OF YOU.
It allows you to come back in the future.
Because again, if the timing is off or there was an imbalance of attraction, and you’re cool about it and don’t get all butthurt or try to change her mind…. You instead put yourself in a position you can use.
In our product UNLOCK THE SCRAMBLER, Rob Judge and I teach a tactic called the FAVOR TEXT.
With this tactic, you send her a text after not talking to her, and you say, “Hey, I’ve got a quick favor to ask.”
That text is meant to draw her in.
It’s part of the larger technique The Scrambler which is designed to sneak back into her life under the radar.
If you left on a high note when she broke up with you, the door is still open for you to use the FAVOR TEXT to get back in.
The same is true with a female friend. Instead of the BREAKUP SPEECH, she may give you the FRIEND ZONE SPEECH, telling you, “I don’t want to date you; I see you as a friend.”
One of the worst things you can say to a female friend in that moment is, “I don’t want to be friends with you. I don’t need any more friends.”
It shows you’re not really a cool guy. If you had just said, “Sure, all right,” and continued to be friends with her, it’s really easy to attract her if you do the right things going forward.
So keep that in mind. You’re going to be in positions where a woman is going to be breaking up or friend zoning you. The best thing you can say in that position is “Okay, cool.”
Be totally nice with her. End things nonchalantly. Walk away and leave yourself the future opportunity.
If you believe you have a true connection with her, think of the long-term strategy. Give her that space for a little bit. A lot of times, she’ll reach out to you. Or enough time goes by, and then you text her with something that is not direct.
Reaching Out to a Girl who Dumped You
Our step-by-step system UNLOCK THE SCRAMBLER has more details about how to eventually reach out to her.
You’re not going to send her any declaration of intent. Nothing direct like, “Hey, I want to hang out with you,” or “Hey, let’s give this another shot.”
Those won’t work.
Instead, send her something casual and imagine it like you’re putting a fishing line out there and seeing if she bites. When the timing is right, it’s likely she’ll bite. Because you handled the breakup in a way that won you a second chance.