How to Arouse a Woman

Dating Advice > Female Arousal Guide
by Coaching Staff • Updated: June 8, 2022

arouse a woman

There are few things that empower a man more than his ability to arouse a woman sexually. But not every guy knows which buttons to push, since there seem to be so many, and each chick is wired differently.

So to make things manageable, I present to you an itemized list of tools, with the hope that I can bring some order to this often bewildering topic.

The 2022 Female Arousal Guide

Supplemental Guides

The Secrets to Making a Woman Horny and Aroused

Before we get started, let me clarify what we’re talking about. You want to get girls horny, with the ultimate goal being sex.

Most articles I reviewed pertaining to “how to turn on women” made much reference to stuff like romance and being a gentleman.

That’s fine, but for the purpose of this guide, I’m gonna assume you have these other aspects covered. Let’s instead discuss the stuff that actually gets her lady bits wet.

First, you will need a scale to refer to telling you where a girl is ” bone dry to dripping wet.”

Levels of Female Arousal

Having a system to tell a girl’s readiness to bang based on her arousal would be very useful. Of course, you can’t put a probe in her birth canal to measure drippiness, and so much of this may be a judgment call.

When trying to gauge a girl’s level of arousal, look for a cluster of behaviors indicating where she’s at. Any single cue out of context may not be reliable.

And finally, this is NOT a ladder.

Some guys have devised escalation ladders (starting with the back of your hand on her elbow, ending up with sex), but I think they’re lame and artificial. You may start escalation with a girl by grabbing her ass or making out with her, then jump back down to very light friendly touch, and then leap forward to foreplay.

It’s this kind of unpredictable and dominant behavior that turns girls on, not the standard and safe linear progression a ladder would have you follow.

The Arousal Levels Explained

The LAS goes from 1 to 10, where 1 is un-aroused and 10 is highly eager to fuck.

At 8 and above, girls are usually pretty horny and good to go. Use your intuition and calibration, and don’t look at this like a rule book. These are just indicators you can refer to when trying to discern her readiness.

Level 1

  • High fives, hand shakes, knuckle bumps
  • Side hugs
  • Thumb war

Level 2

  • Simple, friendly hugs
  • Arm-in-arm walking

Level 3

  • She slaps your thigh while seated
  • Holding hands, fingers not intertwined
  • Tickling her
  • Longer hugs, held tighter
  • Briefly massaging her shoulders while she sits

Level 4

  • Hold hands, fingers intertwined
  • Caress her forearm

Level 5

  • Smack her ass (and she’s ok with it)
  • She squeezes your thigh
  • She sits on stool, straddling your legs/body as you stand
  • Snuggling/spooning

Level 6

  • Her palm on your chest briefly
  • Massage her upper back while she’s lying down
  • Caressing her face, neck or hair
  • Brief kisses, mouth to mouth
  • She runs her fingers through your hair

Level 7

  • Light making out. She doesn’t use tongue much.
  • Her hand stays on your chest, such as squeezing your nipple
  • Massage her lower back, thigh and butt
  • Kissing/biting her neck
  • You clench her hair at the back of her head
  • Having her suck your thumb
  • Caressing her lips with your finger
  • Touch her breast over her clothes
  • Briefly touching (but not rubbing) her vag area over clothes

Level 8

  • Heavy making out. She uses her tongue/sucks/bites
  • She initiates the make outs
  • She’s got her hand on your junk, outside of pants
  • Squeezing her ass during makeout
  • Playing with her breasts, skin-on-skin
  • Sucking her nipple
  • She keeps her arm across your lap with her elbow touching your cock
  • As you hold hands, the back of hers is against your cock
  • Stands with her pelvis against yours, rocking or gyrating
  • You briefly rub her cooch over clothes

Level 9

  • She’s giving you head
  • She’s rubbing your junk, skin on skin
  • You’re intensely rubbing her cooch over her clothes

Level 10

  • Fingering her or eating her out

Okay, in part one I gave you a point of reference in knowing where a girl is.

So how do you get her horny?

Well, you can turn her on with your touch, and you can turn her on without touching her.

I call these tactile and non-tactile forms of stimulation.

Tactile Stimulation

Here we have two variations: non-vaginal and vaginal.

Ways to turn on a girl without touching the puss include kissing, massage, proximity (such as dancing close to her) and “being caveman.”

Let’s begin with kissing.

There is one rule you need to remember on this topic; girls kiss you the way THEY want to be kissed.

If she wants it rough, she’ll kiss you roughly. If she doesn’t want the tongue, she won’t give it to you.

Calibrate your kisses accordingly.

A few types of kisses:

1. The suck. You can apply this to her lip, her tongue, or anywhere on her body (especially effective on the neck, ultimately concluding in a hickey). If you do suck on her earlobe, I recommend holding your breath. The sound of your breathing directly in her ear can be a huge distracting turn-off.

2. The bite. Never bite the tongue, but otherwise go for it. Gently on the lip, or with more pressure elsewhere. This introduces another level of arousal, one which many girls are not okay with, so test it out judiciously before getting carried away.

3. The lick. Some areas aren?t receptive to licking (the forehead comes to mind. Ewww.) But the mouth, the neck and parts below are generally all fair game.

4. Frenching. Typically, this is reserved for when she’s more than just a little turned on. French kissing is often a gateway to get you farther along the path, such as petting and titty play.

5. Soft kisses. Place them on the lips, the neck or the breasts. Often the lightest of kisses can have the most impact if landed just right.

Massaging Her Body

Massage is a skill you should acquire. Doesn’t have to be spa-quality, but you should browse through a few books and get some pointers.

Mainly, you’ll focus on the shoulders, back, thighs and butt.  If you wanna be a good sport, rub her feet.

You don’t need to rub deep; you’re not trying to cure her back spasms.

Be gentle at first, with long caresses along her shoulder blades and back, careful not to rub directly over the center where the bones pop up. You can use oil, or not. The point isn’t to give her the best massage of her life, only to get her turned on. Ten minutes ought to do it, tops.

And be careful not to tickle her once she’s in the zone; tickling helps get her in a good mood, but it can easily break her arousal.

Besides being technically good at massaging, the biggest tip I can give you is to enjoy it. When you love giving massages, she’ll know it, and the result will be apparent.

Be Dominant

Most girls like being dominated.

It turns them on, and it should turn you on being dominant.

If you have issues with this, then you will need to address them. I recommend the fine book, Just Fuck Me! by Eve Kingsley, for starters.

Being dominant physically (also known as “caveman”), means treating her like a piece of meat.

Slapping and squeezing her ass, grabbing her arm and pulling her into you, holding her hair at the base of her head.

Your goal isn’t to do harm, of course. But you do need to convey to her that she is your “property”and you will man-handle her as you desire. Sounds chauvinist, I know, but this does arouse women.

Those are non-vaginal ways to get her turned on with your touch. Now let’s get to the most obvious arousal technique:

Vaginal Stimulation

The vagina is absolutely loaded with zones you can hit to cause arousal and ultimately make her orgasm. So that you don’t become overwhelmed, for our purposes, I’ll discuss only two: the clitoris and the G spot.

Guys have trouble finding both of these, and many women aren’t even aware of their own G spot.

Each arousal point gives women different types of orgasms, with the G spot tending to be a deeper sensation.

Finding the Clit

When you’re looking at a vagina with her on her back and her knees straddling your head, the clit is at the top.

Just beneath this is the urethra (where pee pee comes out), and then the entrance to the vag.

Each girl is unique as to what kind of pressure and motion her clit desires; you will learn her preference through observation and experimentation.

Also important to note, the clit usually has a refractory period after orgasm, during which time it is too sensitive for further stimulation.

Give it a rest, work on the G spot or other bits, and then resume clitoral stimulation when she’s ready.

Finding the G-Spot

As you enter the vagina, the G spot is located on the roof, not far from the entrance.

Typically, women like either a “come hither” motion of your fingers, or an up-and-down movement. With enough G spot stimulation it is possible to make her squirt; many girls cannot or will not squirt, so don’t be surprised if she is reluctant to even try.

Ways to stimulate these two points include:

  • Orally
  • With your fingers
  • With your cock
  • and with toys.

Take a trip to a sex store some time if you are not familiar with sex toys.

Learn about various types of vibrators (battery and wall-powered), dildos (vaginal and anal), and other accessories like beads.

Non-Tactile Stimulation

Playing with a girl’s pussy and making out with her are skills that take a little finesse, but can be easily learned.

A more difficult challenge awaits you: turning on a girl without using your mouth, hands or dick.

I call this non-tactile stimulation, and categorize it further by senses.

Auditory Arousal

What a girl hears can get her wet. Within auditory stimulation, you have conscious and subconscious forms.

The conscious type of auditory stimulation includes the words you use, and within this category you can speak nonsexually (wit, sense of humor, routines) or sexually.

Intelligent women get turned on by a man with wit, though many dudes use their wit and humor as a shield to hide behind. Don’t be that guy.

WE have previously covered sexualization in our How to Get a Girlfriend Guide. To review, sexual talk can be implicit or explicit. Both can get the job done, though explicit tends to work better once a girl is already getting wet.

Subconscious auditory stimulation includes vocal tonality (the deeper the better), and more obscure NLP-ish tactics like embedded commands.

See Also

Touch Arousal

Here I don’t mean you touching her, since that would fall under the above category of tactile stimulation.

What I’m referring to instead is her touching you.

Hair in certain places, and the absence of hair in others, can turn her on. The touch of skin-on-skin is arousing, even if you aren’t doing anything actively to her.

Well-defined muscles (chest, shoulders, butt) turn girls on, though each girl prefers more or less muscle mass and definition.

And finally, girls like playing with cocks. That alone can make them ready to bang, hence the motto, “when in doubt, whip it out.”

Smell Arousal

Again, we find conscious and subconscious forms of smell.

Your cologne, the smell of your hair, having clean-smelling skin and fresh breath can turn chicks on. Some amount of sweat (not nasty body odor, just a whiff), can be arousing. Choosing a cologne may require you to survey your female friends or sexual partners; mine gets turned on by L’Eau D’Issey, so that’s what I wear, the customer is always right.

Subconsciously, there is evidence that pheromones can affect a girl’s sex drive. This is a science still in its infancy, though.

Visual Arousal

While there may be subconscious cues you can use to turn on chicks (self-pointing, for example), overwhelmingly the tools that will get her visually aroused are conscious.

Having a great physique (but not Mr. Universe ripped that turns many women off) excites women.

Making seductive, dominant and confident eye contact is powerfully effective.

In contrast, sometimes blind-folding her can turn her on, sparking a sense of danger. The words you text can get her hot as well.

Men are visually stimulated by things that are sexually explicit. Porn, for example. Some girls get turned on by porn as well, though many times what you don’t reveal is as much of a turn-on.

For example, women tend to prefer pictures of naked men with their willies hidden, versus exposed. As with blind-folding, withholding visual information from a girl can create intrigue and ultimately arousal.

Taste Arousal

This is probably the least used of the senses, since there are very few tastes which make women horny.

Folk lore says things like oysters are aphrodisiacs, but practically speaking there is little truth to this.

You can have her lick pudding off you or feed her strawberries, but again it isn?t so much the actual taste of the food which is turning her on, but how you use the food.

Some women find the taste of salty skin (such as after exercise or sex) stimulating, and some like a man’s mouth that tastes like cigarettes or alcohol. As with the other categories, each girl responds differently to various stimuli; experimentation and observation will help you sort things out.

The goal of this guide has been to help you categorize female sexual arousal levels and techniques, so that you may search for and define trends in your interactions.

Whether you approach this like a mad scientist or an artist, always have fun with it.

See Also:

7 Powerful Steps to Turn Her On