Dating > Attraction > Make Her Miss You
by Bobby Rio • Updated: August 19, 2022
- The Secret Psychology of Ignoring a Woman
- Why Girls Act “Hot” and “Cold”
- The “No Contact” Rule Explained
How to Make a Woman Regret Ending Things
How do you make a woman miss you?
- An ex-girlfriend that you want another chance with.
- A woman that’s pulling away and you want to rekindle things.
- A girl you’re dating and the only way to reach the next level is for her to miss you when you’re not around.
In this article, I want to give you five ways to make her miss you more.
- 1 How to Make a Woman Regret Ending Things
- 2 Mistakes Trying to Make a Woman Miss You
- 3 Do THESE 6 Things to Make a Girl Miss You
- 4 Miss You Method #1: Preemptive Strikes
- 5 Miss You Method #2: Leave on a High Note
- 6 Miss You Method #3: No Social Media Stalking
- 7 Miss You Method #4: Create Mystery and Jealousy
- 8 Miss You Method #5: Introduce Competition
- 9 Miss You Method #6: Appear Different to Her
- 10 Miss You Method #7: Eliminate Subtle Mistakes
Clients often say to me, “Bobby, I haven’t seen this girl in a while. How do I make her miss me?”
And what I noticed is that often guys have the complete wrong idea of what will make a woman miss them.
Important: You never want to be a woman’s backup plan.
Yet most of the things guys do to try to make a girl miss them just sets them up to be her “backup plan”.
Mistakes Trying to Make a Woman Miss You
Mistake #1: Constant Communication
Constantly checking in with her and saying, “Hey, how’s everything going?”
What You Think You’re Doing:
You may think, “I’m touching base with her and she’s remembering me and maybe that’ll make her miss me.”
What You’re Really Doing:
In truth, you’re solidifying your position as a possible backup plan.
I repeat: you never want to be a woman’s backup plan.
She’ll never take you seriously once she’s thought, “Okay, he’s there if I need him, if it doesn’t work out with this other more exciting guy, he’s there.” That’s not what you do to make a woman miss you.
Mistake #2: Being Heavy Handed
Maybe you went on a trip to Hawaii with a woman back when you were dating. Now you want her back. You blatantly bring it up, saying, “Remember how good of a time we had in Hawaii?”
What You Think You’re Doing:
You think that if you’re purposely remind her about good times that you guys had together, it’s going to work.
What You’re Really Doing:
In truth, it comes across as emotionally manipulative. It turns her off.
It’s like when you watch a bad Hallmark movie and you know that they’re trying to make you feel guilty or sad. The main character suddenly has a scene where she rescues a cat, it’s obviously just so we’ll like that character, and it has nothing to do with the plot. The script seems contrived and it’s almost like, “Ugh, I don’t want to let them pull at my emotional strings.”
When you do this to a woman, she thinks, “Oh, this guy’s trying so hard to make me miss him.” It lowers your value in her eyes.
So what do you do?
Do THESE 6 Things to Make a Girl Miss You
Warning: some of these are going to be counter-intuitive. This is because as we already said, most guys do things that actually make a woman think about them less.
- 5 Mistakes Men Make When a Girl “Pulls Away”
- 3 Ways to “Re-ignite” Attraction in a Girl
- Does She Still Like You? How to Tell…
Miss You Method #1: Preemptive Strikes
As soon as you start dating a woman, you want to preemptively do things that are going to make a woman miss you in the future.
Rob Judge and I refer to this as creating EMOTIONAL TIME CAPSULES.
I’ll give you a very simple example.
Our sense of smell is connected to our memory. So, one of the things I always tell guys is, “Have a cologne that you wear every time you’re with a woman.”
Choose a brand that’s popular, but not so popular that every guy wears it. But popular enough to where she may smell it elsewhere when she’s away from you. Because that’s exactly what you want her to do.
When she’s out and she smells it, it’s instinctive. She’s going to remember you as soon she smells it.
We’ve all been there, where we smell a perfume and, I mean, there’s perfumes I can smell that transport me back to 20 years ago to a girl that I remember who used to wear that perfume.
Other preemptive strikes include:
- Create inside jokes with a girl.
- Build your own little world with her, full of unique ways of talking about specific things.
- Get her opening up to you about things she hasn’t revealed to other people.
If she tells you things she hasn’t talked about with other people, she will find herself missing you whenever she thinks about that subject.
You must use these techniques upfront. And sometimes it’s too late. Sometimes you can’t go back in time and do these.
So get started as soon as you finish reading this article.
If you still have contact with a girl, maybe she broke up with you but you still see her at times, start wearing a new cologne right away. It could still work.
But you got to be conscious of this with all women you meet.
And I have an article called The Triangle of Attraction, where I talk about the three things you should be doing in every conversation, that will create these EMOTIONAL TIME CAPSULES, and you can find that article elsewhere on this site.
Miss You Method #2: Leave on a High Note
Let’s imagine that a girl was dating you but then pulled away. Or maybe it’s an ex-girlfriend that you haven’t talked to in a while.
Let’s say she reaches out to you. Or you text her and she responds positively.
Maybe she even says, “Hey, let’s meet for coffee.”
One of the problems that guys run into is they overstay their welcome.
Be conscious to leave on a high note. Remember, you want her associating good times, good feelings with you.
If you’re hanging out with her, and things are going really well, you’re tempted to say, “Let me stay longer so I can make it even better.”
But eventually what happens is, it’s like you’re climbing over a hill with her. You’re climbing up one side of the hill, creating this tension and she’s getting more and more interested.
But at the top of the hill, you need to end the interaction. Have a helicopter pick you up right there from the top. Because if you keep going in the interaction, there’s only one direction to go from the top of a hill.
If you stay in the interaction too long, you start going down the other side of the hill. She’ll fall back into feeling complacent about you.
The more time you actually spend with her, the more likely you are to start letting your neediness seep out.
You start saying things like, “Why can’t we give this another chance?”
You start doing things that put a lot of pressure on her.
The good vibe disappears.
To counter that, just leave on a high note. Plan how long you’re going to stay. Always be the one to end it.
Even if she reaches out to you and she’s like, “How’s your day? How was your birthday?”
A lot of times they’ll use a birthday or holiday as an excuse to reach out. Don’t fall into the temptation to be completely available right away. Talk for a minute, then end the conversation while it’s still going well. That way in her mind, she wants more rather than getting her fix.
Very simple, but very easy to mess up. Leave on a high note.
Related: How the “No Contact” Rule Works
Miss You Method #3: No Social Media Stalking
You obviously don’t want to stalk a girl in real life. But today I want to make sure that you don’t stalk a girl on social media either.
Social media stalking is bad for a variety of reasons.
Social media stalking puts you deep into emotional quicksand. You’ll see things that are going to put you into a tailspin.
Some new guy will have liked her picture and made a comment. You’re going to start going, “Wait a minute. Is that her new boyfriend? Is she dating that guy?”
Or she’s going to post a picture and you’re going to be like, “Where is she? Who’s she with?”
You’re going to start going crazy. Looking at all her friends and trying to figure out who she’s hiking with. That puts you into a mental state that makes it hard to play it cool. This will make it harder for you to eventually rekindle things with her.
When you’re social media stalking a woman, you tend to know more about her than you should.
You know that she was at a concert last week, or you know that her sister is in the hospital, and you know that she was at the park with her dog, and you know all these things that are in your head.
When you eventually start talking to her, you unconsciously mention these things. Because in your mind, you’re like, “Oh yeah, you were at the park last week.”
So you ask her, “Oh, so how was the park last week?” Because you’re just trying to make conversation. But in her mind, she’s like, “How did he know I was at the park?” Oh, he’s social media stalking me. He’s creepy.”
The more you know about her, the more it’s going to slip out when you’re talking to her. And the more she’s going to realize that you’re following her too much.
Also, a lot of guys think that by liking her posts or commenting, it puts you in her mind more. But in reality, it confirms that you still like her and give her attention. She continues to feel validated by you. There’s no challenge for her to earn your validation back. So it just makes you more of a backup plan.
Miss You Method #4: Create Mystery and Jealousy
You can make a woman miss you with the right mixture of mystery and jealousy.
Here’s the thing about jealousy. You can’t create it with heavy-handedness. You can’t be obvious about what you’re doing.
If you’re talking to your ex-girlfriend and you tell her, “Oh yeah, I’m going on dates. And every weekend I got a new date.” That’s heavy-handed. It means she can sense you’re trying to emotionally manipulate her.
You’re trying to make her feel jealousy and she’s going to resist it. She’s going to go, “Okay. He’s trying to make me feel jealous.”
When she knows you’re trying to make her jealous, she knows she has control over you. She knows she has you, which places you more into the backup plan category.
I remember when an ex-girlfriend of mine broke up with me. I had gone on vacation a few weeks after our breakup and I was hanging out with a bunch of girls down there. And I remember posting a lot of the pictures, knowing that she would see them. At the time I thought it was a good thing, but in reality, it just made me look try-hard.
One of our mutual friends told me, “Oh yeah, she was like, ‘Oh, he’s trying to make me jealous.'” It didn’t work.
So, what do you do instead?
Well, it comes down to this word right here: MYSTERY.
Let’s rewind to when I was talking about social media stalking. When you’re on a woman’s social media and you see her at a concert, but she doesn’t have a picture of who she’s with, you start obsessing over the question, “Who is she with? Who’s she at that concert with?” Especially if it’s a romantic type of band.
Or she posts a picture at a hotel. She’s at a ski trip for the weekend and she has a picture of herself up on the mountain. “Who is she skiing with?”
Rob Judge has a story where he went with his friend Dan to a John Legend concert. It had originally been a planned date for Dan and his girlfriend, but Dan’s girlfriend had cancelled. So at the last minute, Dan brought Rob instead.
If you know John Legend, it’s very romantic music. And Rob had almost front row seats. So, he posted something up on his Facebook and Instagram of John Legend leaning in and singing one of these romantic songs. Anybody looking at it could see that Rob was at a John Legend concert, but they couldn’t see who he was with.
Every girl that Rob had been talking to at the time… they all assumed that he was there with another girl. They all became jealous and gave him extra attention.
That’s the kind of thing that works, because you’re not throwing in in a girl’s face. It’s a mystery.
Who’s he at that concert with? Who’s he skiing with?
When you talk to your ex, if you’re talking on the phone and you say something like, “Oh, I went skiing this weekend,” it’s a good move NOT to tell her the whole story. Don’t add, “With my friend,” or “with my cousin.” Just say, “I went skiing for the weekend.”
If she asks who you went with, be very vague about it. “A friend. I went skiing with a friend. Oh, just a friend.”
You don’t say who it was because you want her to have that mystery.
The “Mystery Picture” Technique
@bobbyriocoach Weird Picture Gets You Out of Friend Zone #friendzone #datingtipsformen #datingadviceformen ♬ original sound – Bobby Rio- Dating Coach 4 Men
There’s a classic social media tactic that a lot of my clients have success with. You’re out at a bar or a restaurant, and on the table, you put a beer and an Appletini and you take a picture that shows the drinks. You post it with the caption, “Cheers to a good night.”
Why does that picture work? Because when a woman sees it, it’s mystery. The Appletini glass makes her think, “Oh, he must be with a girl. Right? He must be with a girl,” but she doesn’t know who the girl is.
So she’s going to start going through your social media to look and say, “Who’s he talking to?” She’s going to look at your friends list to see if there’s any new girls that popped up on your friends list. That’s what makes a girl think about you and ultimately miss you, because she’s playing into that mystery.
Miss You Method #5: Introduce Competition
Now, we talked about jealousy. But on top of that, there’s also the element of competing for your attention.
Well, when a woman leaves you or pulls away from you, she instinctively knows she has that power over you. So the more you can do to show that she doesn’t have as much power as she thought, the better.
She imagines you’re pining over her. She imagines you sitting around on Friday night alone, sad that she’s not there, stalking her social media profile. That’s not attractive.
Then she goes on social media and, to her surprise, she sees you’re totally into some new activity. You get really into golf or tennis, and you’re playing it and you’re talking about it. Then she reaches out to you and you’re like, “Oh yeah,” and you seem so excited about this new thing you’re doing. It makes her think, “Oh, he’s not even really missing me.”
Now she’s out on Friday night and she thinks you’re skiing the Swiss Alps with your cool new friends, that’s more attractive to her. That gets her competing.
Now she goes, “Oh, wait a minute. His life is actually getting better without me. He doesn’t even seem to miss me.” That’s what gets her missing you.
Introduce new interests in your life when you’re trying to make her miss you.
If you’re just sitting around waiting for her, she’s going to pick up on that. If you’re just home all the time, thinking about her… if you’re like Mikey in the movie Swingers just laying there, drinking orange juice and crying over her… Subconsciously, that’s going to come through.
It’s going to come through in your texts when you talk to her. You’ll say, “How you been?” and she’s going to see the sadness in your face when you try to hide it.
On the other hand, if you’ve met a new group of friends and you’ve got this new, cool hobby that you’re into, she’s going to see that. She’s going to see your eyes light up and she’s going to go, “Oh, wait a minute. I didn’t have as much power over him as I thought. Maybe he’s not my backup plan anymore.”
Miss You Method #6: Appear Different to Her
When a woman feels she has power over you, she expects you to act a certain way towards her.
She expects you to follow certain unwritten rules of behavior.
Some of those rules include:
- Texting her back quickly
- Giving her all your attention when you’re in the same room.
- Agreeing with all her opinions.
- Listening to her problems and trying to solve them.
- Always being available when she wants to hang out (even after she breaks up with you).
These rules establish a power dynamic in favor of her.
To make a woman miss you, you’ve got to start breaking these rules. That’s a larger lesson that we’ll get to another time. But for now, focus on starting simple and choosing several ways to display that you’ve changed.
For example, if you’ve always been cleanshaven, grow a beard.
If you always dressed casually in sweatshirts, let her see you looking sharp in a suit.
It will make her notice and think, “That’s something different about him. I wonder what else is different.”
It’s going to impact her. She’ll see you changing without her, realize that she’s missing out on knowing the full picture, and she’ll start to miss you.
Miss You Method #7: Eliminate Subtle Mistakes
If women get bored with you often, usually it’s because of subtle mistakes you’re making that you’re not even aware of.
After coaching thousands of guys over the past 12 years, I realized that men fall into certain categories, with each category prone to making a very specific set of mistakes with women. Many of these mistakes are easy to fix once you identify them.
I created a quick 10-question quiz about relationships and flirting. Your answers will reveal your attractive personality type and which category you’re in. Then it will pinpoint your mistakes and how to fix them.
The quiz is completely free. You can click the link here. Literally seven questions, and then it’ll formulate your custom profile with a plan of how to fix your subtle mistakes.
So that you’ll be ready when that special woman reaches out to say she’s missed you.