Dating> Attraction > Why Girls Pull Away
by Bobby Rio • Updated: August 4, 2022
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Why Girls “Pull Away” (And How to Handle it)
You know the feeling. A woman who used to like you, used to flirt with you, used to send you texts in the middle of the day… now she’s pulling away.
I’m here with an important warning.
You will want to chase after her.
But if you chase her, she’s gone. She’s not even going to look back. Chasing will only push her further away.
But there’s another way to respond.
In this article, we’ll discuss why women “pull away” and how you should handle it.
I’ll also warn you about the FIVE BIG MISTAKES men make when a woman starts pulling away.
- 1 Why Girls “Pull Away” (And How to Handle it)
- 2 When She Starts Acting “Cold”
- 3 Women “Test” Men (Beware of THIS)
- 4 Mistake #1: Confessing Your Feelings
- 5 Mistake #2: Apologizing Or Explaining
- 6 Mistake #3: Giving Gifts
- 7 Mistake #4: Matching Her Coldness
- 8 Mistake #5: Giving An Ultimatum
- 9 3 “Phrases” That Get Her Chasing You
- 10 The Solution to Her “Pulling Away”
When She Starts Acting “Cold”
I see my clients going through this repeatedly.
Things start off great with a woman. She’s totally into you. Every time you ask her to hang out, she’s available. She’s talking like there’s a future between you. She’s mentioning a party or a wedding she wants to go to six months from now.
You start thinking she’s “girlfriend material.”
Then all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye, something’s changed.
First, she gets a little bit distant when you’re with her.
Then, the texts begin to become less flirty. Then her texts slow down. She’s less responsive.
When you ask her to hang out, you can almost hear the excuses whirring in her brain as she turns you down.
You think, “What happened?
How did this girl go from“hot” to “cold?”
- Understanding “Hot” and “Cold” Behavior
- What does it mean when her texts slow down
- The “Hot” and “Cold” Attraction Trick
This didn’t happen out of nowhere (though it may seem that way).
Let’s go through the FIVE BIG MISTAKES five mistakes to see how some of your behavior leading up to this moment actually caused her to pull away.
Then, once she pulled away, you likely “doubled down” on your mistakes and caused her to stay away for good.
I’m going to go through each of the mistakes and explain why it will ultimately scare her away.
Women “Test” Men (Beware of THIS)
Let’s talk about where it starts. Things are going smooth, and then all of a sudden you feel she put the brakes on.
What she’s doing there is TESTING YOU.
She’s testing to see how you handle it. In most cases, she’s not even aware why she’s doing it. She’s not going, “I’m going to test this guy now.”
It’s an unconscious reflex.
Something in her brain knows it’s really important to choose the right guy – a guy who’s emotionally strong enough to be there for her, so her brain whispers, “Let me see if this guy is for real. Is he really a cool, confident guy who has his shit together… or is it just an act?”
She knows it’s easy for you to be confident when she’s showering you with affection.
So she pulls her affection away.
That’s when your true self comes out in her eyes. A lot of guys unfortunately make the mistakes that we are going to go over right now.
More on being tested
So, lets get into the 5 big mistakes to avoid when a woman “pulls away”
Mistake #1: Confessing Your Feelings
When a woman’s “test” kicks in, this thought goes through many guy’s minds:
“She’s pulling away because she thinks I don’t like her enough. If she knew how serious I am about her, she would like me back in the same way. I need to make sure she knows how much I like her, that will make her stay.”
Stop right there.
That whole thought process is wrong. And it all comes down to one fact that should anchor you.
Remember this: UNCERTAINTY IS ATTRACTIVE.
That’s right. When a woman is not 100 percent sure what’s going on with you, she’s more likely to stick around because it’s a puzzle that she wants to solve.
She wants to figure out if she could have you completely. She wants to iron out all the unknowns in you and finally have them make sense. She doesn’t want to leave before the mystery is solved.
Here’s a tip: Women crave a “mental challenge”.
On the other hand, when she’s completely sure what’s going on, that’s when she takes a step back.
When a woman senses, “This guy’s really into me, he’s no longer a challenge” she gives herself some breathing room because she’s like, “Wow, this is moving towards a relationship. Am I sure I want this?”
She needs to feel space in order to figure things out. Giving her space is the right move. By giving her that space, you show her she’s not in danger of being suffocated.
But when a guy rushes in with Mistake Number One: Confessing His Feelings, she goes from wanting a little space to needing a LOT of space.
The minute you start saying, “I really like you,” you just made her decision for her.
All she wanted was some distance to figure out whether this relationship is what she wants. But when you charge in with a romantic confession, telling her how special she is, telling her you see a future with her… all that does is add PRESSURE to her decision.
She starts fearing whether she’ll ever be able to get away from you.
She goes, “I’ve got to stop this before it gets past the point of no return.”
So ignore that voice in your head that tells you “the problem is that she doesn’t think I’m serious about her.”
If you are sleeping with three or four other women at the same time, and you are a complete player, and you’re SURE she knows this… then maybe that’s the case.
But if she is the only girl you’re talking to, it isn’t the case. I can promise you that.
- The Art of “Hot” and “Cold” to Make Her Chase
- Why Women Need a “Mental Challenge”
- 3 Ways to Regain the “upper hand” with a Woman
5 “Friend Zone” Mistakes That Lose the Girl
Mistake #2: Apologizing Or Explaining
What happens a lot of times is a guy makes a little mistake.
Maybe one night she asked him to hang out, but instead he went to a baseball game with his friends.
Now she’s pulling away.
In his mind, he thinks the key is in finding a logical answer.
He gets the urge to play detective and go, “What could it be? What did I do?”
He realizes a potential mistake he made.
He goes, “Oh, she wanted to hang out, and I went to the baseball game instead. If I can let her know that I wish I didn’t go to the baseball game, she’s going to like me again.’”
So he texts her, “I’m sorry I didn’t hang out with you last week. You know, I really wanted to, but…” and he goes into explanation mode.
I had one client who made a joke, and the joke over text was hard to decipher.
It was a little joke. It wasn’t that funny.
Then he sends me his texts with her, and there’s 13 texts apologizing for making a stupid joke.
I’m like, “Dude, never apologize. Never explain yourself.”
When you start apologizing or explaining, especially for things that weren’t really wrong, you come across as weak.
The woman then sees you as such a pushover that she’s never going to be able to maintain any level of attraction for you.
She walks away completely.
Now a quick exception to this rule: If you’ve done something exceedingly wrong that’s actually harmful, then you do need to apologize.
If you say something very insulting about her appearance or punch her brother or borrow her car and crash it… by all means apologize.
But when you apologize for things that weren’t really bad, it shows that you’re only apologizing because you’re trying to get her back.
This makes you look weak.
Some clients are like Wile E. Coyote trying to develop a plan and figure it out. They think, “Oh, it must have been this joke I made or it must’ve been…”
In some cases, it was none of the things they think.
In a lot of cases, the woman was pulling away because things were moving forward, and she was like, “I need to see if this guy is for real.”
If you start explaining yourself, that attraction plummets even further.
So remember: no explanations, no apologies.
Mistake #3: Giving Gifts
When a woman pulls away, never try to win her over with a gift.
I can’t believe how many of my clients do this. I’ve created videos saying don’t send a girl flowers.
Now, I don’t actually mean that you should never send flowers. You can send your wife flowers. You can send your long term girlfriend flowers.
But when you just start dating a woman, and you sense she’s pulling away, and it’s two weeks in, don’t send her flowers.
Just like confessing your feelings, buying her a gift puts PRESSURE on her.
Pressure is the antithesis of attraction. The more pressure she feels from you, the less attraction she’ll feel.
Not even small gifts are okay.
I had one client send a woman gloves in the mail during cold weather. She got them, and she was like, “Why did you send these to me?”
In her eyes, it’s not just a gift.
You’re sending her a big box of pressure. And it’s scaring the hell out of her because she needs time to think.
Quick Review – So far we’ve covered:
- No confessing feelings.
- No apologizing or explaining.
- No gifts.
Mistake #4: Matching Her Coldness
When a woman pulls away, some guys think, “I’m going to get cold, too.”
I’ve done this.
I can remember that there was a girl that I was really into. Everything was going good. Then, she started ignoring my texts and taking three days to get back to me.
In my mind I was like, “Well I’m going to do that back to her. I’m going to take three days to get back in touch with her. I’m going to act the same way she is.”
There’s a right way and a wrong way to do this.
The wrong way is: we don’t text her as much. We wait to respond to her.
But the minute she does reach out to us, we immediately say, “Hey, do you want to hang out?”
At that moment, she sees that you were just ignoring her because you were playing a game. You were waiting just to wait.
She doesn’t think you are actually losing interest.
She thinks, “Oh, he was just upset that I wasn’t texting him, so he wasn’t texting me.”
She knows you’re just putting an act. And if you care enough to put on an act, she knows she has you.
We always say: once a woman knows she has you, it’s over, and you’ll never have her.
The minute she figures out she’s the one holding the power, it’s impossible for you to maintain attraction.
There’s a better way to do it after matching her coldness.
If you’re not texting her, and then she does reach out to you, don’t immediately ask her to hang out.
Hang up the phone with her or end the text conversation without the invite to hang out.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this might be your last conversation with her.
That will put you into SCARCITY MENTALITY and cause you to rush to ask her out.
Instead, trust that if you play things slower, her interest in you is going to last longer.
Fight the urge to say, “Hey, we should get together,” and let it take longer for her to win you over again.
Let your cold behavior slowly melt away as she reaches out to you more, so that your disinterest seems like it was authentic.
Mistake #5: Giving An Ultimatum
“Listen, my time is valuable, so if you don’t want to hang out, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other.”
Never say that to a woman.
The problem with this ultimatum is a lot of different things.
One is that, just like all these other things, it puts more PRESSURE on her.
The last thing she wants is more pressure.
The other problem is that when you give an ultimatum, if you are not willing to follow through with it, it exposes you as a game-player who was putting on an act.
What I’m saying is: if you give an ultimatum threatening to walk out of her life… and she does not comply with the ultimatum… you have to display a willingness to walk out of her life.
If you back down from that and remain in her life without her compliance with the ultimatum, she classifies you as a guy with no backbone.
I’ve done it.
I’ve given the ultimatum, and then a couple of weeks go by, and I’m like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have done it,” and then I reach out.
Once you do that, she sees you have no ability to walk away. That bores her. She loses even more interest in you.
To keep a woman, you have to make her feel, “I can lose this guy.”
If you’ve made these mistakes, it’s probably because you don’t even know the psychology of keeping a woman attracted to you in the first place.
I know that I didn’t, and I sometimes made these mistakes even before a woman pulled away, which probably caused her to pull away.
I confessed my feelings too soon.
I would apologize and explain myself when I thought I was making mistakes.
I would buy her gifts and take her out to fancy restaurants, trying to buy her love.
When she couldn’t hang out, I felt like, “Oh, I’ve got to put the pressure on her.”
I know the temptation to commit those errors. Don’t do it.
3 “Phrases” That Get Her Chasing You
The Solution to Her “Pulling Away”
I created a technique that revolves around what really makes a woman fall in love.
It’s not what you think.
If you’ve made any of these FIVE BIG MISTAKES, I can almost guarantee that you don’t know what really makes a woman fall in love.
What a woman makes fall in love is not when a guy is smothering her with affection. In fact, that’s pressure. That makes her pull away.
What draws a woman towards a man is uncertainty. Not knowing what comes next.
We don’t want to watch a movie when we already know the ending. When a woman meets a man, and he makes it too obvious too soon that he wants her completely, it’s like knowing the spoilers at the end of the movie.
She’ll lose interest in you; she has no incentive to continue the relationship, to continue getting to know you because she knows how it’s going to end.
She knows that you’re going to smother her with affection.
She knows that she has you. And once a woman knows she has you, it’s over.
The Technique: Unlock the Scrambler
Instead of committing those FIVE BIG MISTAKES, I’m going to teach you a technique called THE SCRAMBLER.
Most guys chase women, but the Scrambler allows you to get a woman to chase you instead.
I’m gonna let you in on a big secret. Women actually WANT to be the one chasing a man. They don’t want to be chased.
How do you get a woman chasing you? That’s what I talk about in a 15-minute video at the link below.
In the video, I reverse engineer the process of falling in love so that you can see what needs to go through a woman’s mind for her to fall in love with you.
You can learn more about The Scrambler here.
If You Already Made A Mistake
If you’ve already committed these errors, it’s not too late to fix them if you take the right steps from here on out.
So don’t rush into more mistakes.
I know that a lot of guys are in emotional quicksand where they don’t feel like they have time. They feel like they have to make a move immediately.
If that’s you, stop. Take a deep breath and just watch the video.
You’ll get a better understanding of how to stop her from pulling away… and how to get her coming back to you. Click the link below right now to watch the video.