{"id":183,"date":"2022-09-01T14:11:12","date_gmt":"2022-09-01T14:11:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/?page_id=183"},"modified":"2022-09-08T14:10:09","modified_gmt":"2022-09-08T14:10:09","slug":"7-flirting-mistakes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/7-flirting-mistakes\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Things \u201cNice Guys\u201d Get WRONG with Flirting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/\">Dating<\/a>&gt; <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/what-say-when-you-flirt\/\">Flirting<\/a> &gt; Flirting Mistakes<\/small><br \/>\n<small>by Bobby Rio \u2022 <\/small><small>Updated: September 1, 2022<\/small><\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/what-say-to-make-her-love-you\/\">99% of Girls Chase You When You Say \u201cTHIS\u201d<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/why-nice-guys-fail\/\">5 Traits &#8220;Nice Guy&#8221; Lack with Women<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/verbal-foreplay\/\">Guide to Verbal Foreplay<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-1378\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_2-copy-6-1024x576.png\" alt=\"flirting mistakes\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_2-copy-6-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_2-copy-6-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_2-copy-6-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_2-copy-6.png 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Avoid_These_Flirting_Mistakes\">Avoid These Flirting Mistakes<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Why is it that some guys can talk to a woman for just a few minutes and get her feeling <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/create-chemistry-with-woman\/\">excitement, chemistry, and attraction<\/a>?<\/p>\n<p>Why is it that other guys can spend <strong>a whole night<\/strong> with a woman and leave her feeling<strong> nothing<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>Later that week, when that guy tries to get her out on a date, he\u2019ll find that she\u2019s not available, she\u2019s busy, or she tells him she\u2019d rather be friends.<\/p>\n<p>It all comes down to <strong>FLIRTING<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>When I was growing up, I had the unfortunate circumstance of being both a nice guy and an introvert. Conversation didn\u2019t come naturally to me, and when I did get the courage to go talk to a woman, I veered into the &#8220;nice guy&#8221; realm where everything I said fell flat.<\/p>\n<p>I was never able to create that attraction. And was making all the flirting mistakes we&#8217;ll discuss hre.<\/p>\n<p>So over the years, I had spent a lot of time studying that other type of guy. The guy who can walk in, open his mouth, and the girl is instantly pulled into the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>You can tell when a girl&#8217;s into it because she&#8217;s leaning in towards the guy and she\u2019s laughing and she\u2019s touching him.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when a guy\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/flirting-tips\/\">flirting skills<\/a> are in place.<\/p>\n<div id=\"toc_container\" class=\"no_bullets\"><p class=\"toc_title\">Contents<\/p><ul class=\"toc_list\"><li><a href=\"#Avoid_These_Flirting_Mistakes\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">1<\/span> Avoid These Flirting Mistakes<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Seven_Ways_8220Nice_Guys8221_FAIL_At_Flirting\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">2<\/span> Seven Ways &#8220;Nice Guys&#8221; FAIL At Flirting<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_1_Missing_Intention\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">3<\/span> Flirting Mistake #1: \u00a0Missing Intention<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#Example_of_Having_Intention\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">3.1<\/span> Example of Having Intention<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Setting_Your_Intention_with_a_Girl\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">3.2<\/span> Setting Your Intention with a Girl<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_2_Qualifying_Yourself\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">4<\/span> Flirting Mistake #2: Qualifying Yourself<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#Example_of_Qualifying_Yourself\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">4.1<\/span> Example of Qualifying Yourself<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#How_to_Qualify_a_Woman\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">4.2<\/span> How to Qualify a Woman<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_3_Being_too_PG\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">5<\/span> Flirting Mistake #3: Being too PG<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Should_Be_R-Rated\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">5.1<\/span> Flirting Should Be R-Rated<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_4_Failing_Women8217s_Tests\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">6<\/span> Flirting Mistake #4: Failing Women&#8217;s Tests<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#Some_examples_of_Failing_8220Tests8221\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">6.1<\/span> Some examples of Failing &#8220;Tests&#8221;<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_5_Not_Breaking_Rapport\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">7<\/span> Flirting Mistake #5: Not Breaking Rapport<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#FlirtingMistake_6_Confusing_Complimenting_with_Flirting\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">8<\/span> Flirting\u00a0Mistake #6: Confusing Complimenting with Flirting<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Flirting_Mistake_7_Having_No_8220Bits8221_to_Use\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">9<\/span> Flirting Mistake #7: Having No &#8220;Bits&#8221; to Use<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#Have_Stories_Ready\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">9.1<\/span> Have Stories Ready<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#My_8220Bit8221_for_Explaining_My_Job\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">9.2<\/span> My &#8220;Bit&#8221; for Explaining My Job<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Recap_of_the_7_Mistakes\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">10<\/span> Recap of the 7 Mistakes:<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#The_8220Golden_Triangle8221_of_What_to_Say\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">10.1<\/span> The &#8220;Golden Triangle&#8221; of What to Say<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\n<h2><span id=\"Seven_Ways_8220Nice_Guys8221_FAIL_At_Flirting\">Seven Ways &#8220;Nice Guys&#8221; FAIL At Flirting<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Compare that to the nights where you get a girl on a date but there\u2019s a disconnect there. You feel like she&#8217;s almost just trying to get through it.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it even reminds you of when you&#8217;re out with an acquaintance you don\u2019t like. Maybe you\u2019re stuck at a family event. Or a \u201cbonding with your coworkers\u201d outing. You know the conversation is going to suck but you\u2019re in there anyway.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s what &#8220;nice guy&#8221; conversations feel like to a woman.<\/p>\n<p>Then the &#8220;nice guy&#8221; blames it on everything else when things go wrong. When he doesn&#8217;t get a second date, he starts thinking, \u201cOh, it&#8217;s because she&#8217;s into another guy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In actuality<strong>, <\/strong>if he had <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/vibing-with-girls\/\">created that connection and chemistry through flirting<\/a> on the date, he wouldn&#8217;t be experiencing that.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s time you understand the major flirting mistakes that &#8220;nice guys&#8221; make that cause a women not to want to be with them.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_1_Missing_Intention\"><strong>Flirting Mistake #1: \u00a0Missing Intention<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>This is when a nice guy meets a woman and he doesn\u2019t know where he wants the conversation to go<strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He has no intention.<\/p>\n<p>A nice guy starts talking to a woman at a party. Or maybe he\u2019s on a date with her. But he doesn&#8217;t know where he wants the conversation to go.<\/p>\n<p>And when you don&#8217;t know where the conversation goes, <strong>you don&#8217;t have an objective<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>When a nice guy gets in front of a beautiful woman, his only goal in a conversation is, \u201cI want her to like me.\u201d So his whole framework in his mind is: \u201cWhat can I say to get her to like me?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Example_of_Having_Intention\">Example of Having Intention<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>On the other hand, a guy who&#8217;s good with women will know exactly what his intention is when he sees a beautiful woman at a party.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll think,<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cI\u2019m going to get her number,\u201d<\/li>\n<li>or \u201cI\u2019m going to see if I can leave the party with her.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Once he knows what his goal is, he\u2019s able to plant seeds towards that goal early in the night and give those seeds time to grow. There\u2019s going to be a momentum in his conversation. He\u2019s going to be saying and doing things that all build upon each other to further him towards his goal.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the same way almost anything in life works better with a plan.<\/p>\n<p>If you get in your car and just start driving, no destination in mind, what are the odds that you\u2019re going to end up in California? You\u2019re just as likely to do laps around your city for days, or to end up in New York.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, if you set your GPS to California, every mile you drive is moving you consistently towards the Golden State. After 3 miles, you might not see a difference, but after 300 miles, you\u2019ll be aware that every turn has been taking you farther in the same direction.<\/p>\n<p>Now instead of California,<strong> set your GPS towards the goal you want with a woman.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Setting_Your_Intention_with_a_Girl\">Setting Your Intention with a Girl<\/span><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>So, if your intention is to hang out with a girl again, you&#8217;re going to plant seeds throughout the conversation to bring that back. You\u2019re going to talk about activities you both like to do, you\u2019re going to find a roundabout way to discover her availability.<\/li>\n<li>If your intention is to invite her back to your place that same night, you&#8217;re going to plant seeds about the cool dog that you have back at your house who she\u2019s just got to meet. Or you&#8217;re going to plant seeds about your wine collection and how she&#8217;s got to taste this new wine you just got.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This is possible because you have an intention. You have a direction.<\/p>\n<p>So, when you get in a conversation, ask yourself: <strong>what is the destination I want to get to?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t do this, you\u2019ll end up like the nice guy whose only destination in mind is, \u201cI want this woman to like me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He starts spinning his wheels and getting nowhere because everything he does actually causes the girl to NOT like him<strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Even if the conversation starts off good at first, it\u2019s always going to fizzle out if he doesn\u2019t have a destination.<\/p>\n<p>The girl will walk away and he\u2019ll be left, thinking, \u201cI thought she was liking me. What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The sad truth for him is that she walked away because he wasn\u2019t leading the conversation anywhere.<\/p>\n<p>You need to be thinking, <strong>\u201cWhere am I leading this?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Am I leading it to get her phone number, am I leading it to invite her back, am I leading it to try to kiss her in a little bit? You&#8217;ve got to have that in your mind.<\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/best-conversation-topics-dating\/\">Best Conversation Topics for Flirting<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/chick-crack\/\">&#8220;THIS&#8221; is like Chick Crack for Girls<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/asking-girls-questions\/\">How to Ask Questions to Move Things Forward<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/run-out-things-to-say\/\">4 Tips to Never Run Out of Things to Say<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/words-that-turn-women-on\/\">&#8220;These&#8221; 5 Words Turn ALL WOMEN On<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_2_Qualifying_Yourself\">Flirting Mistake #2: Qualifying Yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Qualifying yourself to a woman is one of the deadliest flirting sins.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s when you subconsciously believe that you are below a woman and that you\u2019re lucky to be with her, so you actively try to convince her that you have value.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s doing and saying things to convince her that you\u2019re cool.<\/p>\n<p>Even if she likes what you say, you\u2019ve already lost.<\/p>\n<p>Because you\u2019ve put her in the role of the JUDGE and you\u2019ve put yourself in the role of the PERSON ON TRIAL.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve cemented the idea that she\u2019s above you and that she gets to decide whether you measure up.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s incredibly unattractive.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Example_of_Qualifying_Yourself\"><strong>Example of Qualifying Yourself<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Maybe she brings up how she recently got back from a vacation to Mexico. She says, \u201cOh, I was in Cancun last week and we had such a good time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A &#8220;nice guy&#8221; hears that and thinks, \u201cOh, she went to Cancun. Where have I been recently that I can tell her about? I need to make myself seem important and cool.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So maybe he says, \u201cOh yeah, I was in Vegas last week and I did this and this and that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even if the words you say are all logically telling the story of a very cool life, the woman senses what\u2019s going on underneath the surface. He\u2019s trying to qualify himself.<\/p>\n<p>But the bigger issue is that he\u2019s missing an opportunity to qualify her and say, \u201cOh, tell me a little bit about Mexico. What made you go down there?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After he asks that, the woman is going to <strong>start qualifying herself.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s right, you need to <strong>TURN THE TABLES<\/strong> on a woman and get her explaining why she\u2019s cool, or why her decision made sense, or what kind of trip she actually took.<\/p>\n<p>When she puts effort into answering these questions, <strong>she\u2019s putting you in the role of the judge<\/strong> and putting herself into the role of the person on trial.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Stop thinking, \u201cWhat can I do to make her think I\u2019m cool?\u201d and <strong>start giving her a chance to work to impress you.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"How_to_Qualify_a_Woman\">How to Qualify a Woman<\/span><\/h3>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@bobbyriocoach\/video\/7120217492865404206\" data-video-id=\"7120217492865404206\">\n<section><a title=\"@bobbyriocoach\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@bobbyriocoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@bobbyriocoach<\/a> here&#8217;s another way to &#8220;test&#8217; where you stand with a woman <a title=\"datingtipsformen\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/datingtipsformen\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#datingtipsformen<\/a> <a title=\"datingadviceformen\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/datingadviceformen\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#datingadviceformen<\/a> <a title=\"bobbyrio\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/bobbyrio\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#bobbyrio<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c original sound - Bobby Rio- Dating Coach 4 Men\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7120253444484516654\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Bobby Rio- Dating Coach 4 Men<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_3_Being_too_PG\">Flirting Mistake #3: Being too PG<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When I say, \u201cPG,\u201d I\u2019m talking about movie ratings. There&#8217;s PG, PG-13, and R.<\/p>\n<p>When nice guys talk to a woman, they often revert back to acting like a character in a Disney movie.<\/p>\n<p>They act like they\u2019ve been rated PG.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re ever flipping through channels and you land on a PG show, the conversations on the show will be very cookie cutter, very safe, very generic.<\/p>\n<p>But if you watch an HBO show that\u2019s rated R, it&#8217;s a totally different vibe. It\u2019s edgy. There&#8217;s a reason kids aren&#8217;t allowed to watch it.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Flirting_Should_Be_R-Rated\">Flirting Should Be R-Rated<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Well, when you&#8217;re talking to a woman, you&#8217;ve got to have a rated R conversation. An adult conversation.<\/p>\n<p>But &#8220;nice guys&#8221; tend to revert back to that PG rating, where they&#8217;re talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, and they&#8217;re kind of afraid to bring anything edgy into a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Now, sometimes you get lucky and the woman makes a comment, she makes a comment about a party she went to and got drunk, or she makes a comment about something vaguely sexual.<\/p>\n<p>And then the nice guy goes,<em> \u201cOh, it&#8217;s okay for me to be a little edgy.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I call it <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=4HzikYwckg4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the Rated R Switch,<\/a> the moment when someone leads the conversation across that threshold into R-rated territory.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t wait for the woman to make that switch. If you do, the underlying vibe will be that she\u2019s the daring one and you\u2019re playing catch-up. You want to take control and lead the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t get stuck in that Disney Channel boring, safe, predictable conversation too long. That doesn&#8217;t elicit strong emotions, it doesn&#8217;t give her that excitement, that attraction, <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/create-chemistry-with-woman\/\">that chemistry<\/a> that we talked about earlier.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_4_Failing_Women8217s_Tests\">Flirting Mistake #4: Failing Women&#8217;s Tests<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>A test is a woman&#8217;s way of figuring out if a guy for real.<\/p>\n<p><strong>It exposes whether he\u2019s really a cool guy, or just pretending. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Does he really get girls and is he really experienced? Or is he actually just a loser who knows how to put on an act?<\/p>\n<p>Women can\u2019t afford to waste time with a loser. So they look for clues. They ask themselves, \u201cIs this a guy that other women want?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But when they&#8217;re still not sure, they start saying things and subconsciously seeing how you react.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Some_examples_of_Failing_8220Tests8221\"><strong>Some examples of Failing &#8220;Tests&#8221;<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>When a woman makes a subtle insult to you.<\/li>\n<li>Maybe you\u2019re wearing a hat and she&#8217;ll say, \u201cI don&#8217;t really like guys that wear hats.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Or she\u2019ll be on a date with you and say, \u201cI\u2019m not going home with you tonight.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>She could test you by saying something overly sexual and seeing whether you jump on it in the wrong way and end up getting creepy on her.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In all these examples, she\u2019ll be seeing if you take the bait. <strong>She is trying to get a reaction out of you.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In order to pass a test, you have to be <strong>NONREACTIVE.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Let the woman see the tests roll off of you.<\/p>\n<p>So if she says, \u201cI&#8217;m not going to sleep with you,\u201d you don&#8217;t want to automatically start going, \u201cOh no, I wasn&#8217;t even thinking about it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because then again, you&#8217;re qualifying, you&#8217;re explaining. She sees that she totally threw you off your game and that&#8217;s not attractive.<\/p>\n<p>But if she says, \u201cI\u2019m not going to sleep with you,\u201d and a guy responds, \u201cOf course not. We\u2019re not having sex,\u201d very calmly and dismissively, then changes the subject, that\u2019s going to get her attention.<\/p>\n<p>This is because the emotional content is most important, and that guy\u2019s emotions remained totally unaffected as she threw an obstacle at him.<\/p>\n<p>With any test, the guy who passes it is the guy who underplays it or doesn\u2019t even acknowledge it. You\u2019ve got to be cool in the face of adversity. If you have a large emotional reaction to a test, you\u2019ll fail it.<\/p>\n<p><strong><small>More On Female Tests:<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/why-women-test-men\/\">Why Women Test Men<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/girl-tests-formula\/\">Formula For Handling Girl&#8217;s Tests<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/girl-tests-formula\/\">Using &#8220;Tests&#8221; to Create More Attraction<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_5_Not_Breaking_Rapport\">Flirting Mistake #5: Not Breaking Rapport<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/create-rapport-with-woman\/\">Rapport<\/a> is when you\u2019re getting along well with someone in a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re vibing together, having things in common, agreeing with each other. Even complimenting each other.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s something that you want to create early in a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>You might say, \u201cHave you travelled?\u201d and tell her a few places you\u2019ve been.<\/p>\n<p>Then she\u2019ll say, \u201cOh that\u2019s cool, I\u2019ve been there, too,\u201d and then she mentions a restaurant she liked in that city. You say, \u201cOh I love that restaurant, too.\u201d You two are firmly experiencing rapport.<\/p>\n<p>A &#8220;nice guy&#8221; will try to keep this going forever.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s his biggest flirting mistake.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nice guys&#8221; are scared to end rapport.<\/p>\n<p>The problem with that is that if you stay in rapport, you never actually transition.<\/p>\n<p>We talked about having an intention, and a lot of conversation is about knowing how you\u2019re moving things forward in the direction towards your intention. Every time you\u2019re moving it forward, we call it a TRANSITION.<\/p>\n<p>If your objective is to have her physically attracted to you, wanting to have sex with you, then you can\u2019t stay in that comfortable rapport all night. At some point, you&#8217;ve got to end that.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve just found out that you have something in common and she says, \u201cOh I love that restaurant, too,\u201d you can break rapport by saying, <em>\u201cYou like that too? You are either the coolest girl in the entire world or you&#8217;re a complete weirdo.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Say it in a way that is a little impudent, a little cheeky, a little off-kilter. You don\u2019t want it to be mean, but you want to throw her out of that comfortable rapport and get her working to impress you as you transition. A conversation has an intention. Breaking rapport is a critical aspect of moving things along.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"FlirtingMistake_6_Confusing_Complimenting_with_Flirting\">Flirting\u00a0Mistake #6: Confusing Complimenting with Flirting<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When guys tell me how they had a date with a girl and they wound up in the friend zone, and I&#8217;ll say to them, \u201cWere you flirting with her?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Too often the guys will say, \u201cOh yeah, I told her she had really nice eyes. I told her I liked her perfume.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What those guys are doing is complimenting. It\u2019s all positive. It\u2019s all even-keeled.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, flirting is far from even-keeled.<\/p>\n<p>Flirting is <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/sexual-tension\">tension and release<\/a>, pushing and pulling.<\/p>\n<p>Flirting is when you tease a girl.<\/p>\n<p>When you say something like, <em>\u201cOh, you&#8217;re the best. Get away from me,\u201d<\/em> she knows what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s sort of <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/how-to-speak-a-womans-language\/\">a secret language<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nice guys&#8221; don&#8217;t pick up on this naturally.<\/p>\n<p>Nice guys are conditioned to think that you have to be nice, compliment her, and tell her you like her.<\/p>\n<p>Then you see some guy at a party totally teasing a girl, busing on her, and she\u2019s laughing at him and acting like she\u2019s all over him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>That\u2019s the secret language that women speak<\/strong>, and you must able to speak it, too.<\/p>\n<p>You can&#8217;t think, \u201cWell, I told her during the course of a conversation that she had a really a nice ring on and that I thought she was funny, why doesn\u2019t she want to have sex with me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because that\u2019s complimenting, not flirting.<\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/guide-to-complimenting-girls\/\">The Ultimate Guide to Complimenting Girls<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/5-compliments-for-girls\/\">5 Best Compliments to Give a Woman<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span id=\"Flirting_Mistake_7_Having_No_8220Bits8221_to_Use\">Flirting Mistake #7: Having No &#8220;Bits&#8221; to Use<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>In many ways, this one is the most important.<\/p>\n<p>Some guys in life are what we call \u201cNATURALS.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They grew up in such a way, and had the right role models, so that they can just effortlessly attract women.<\/p>\n<p>Back when I was a &#8220;nice guy&#8221;, I had several friends who were naturals. I used to watch them and try to figure them out.<\/p>\n<p>I would see them tell the same story to multiple different women on multiple different nights.<\/p>\n<p>Each girl heard the story only once, but I\u2019d hear the story every night as the guy repeated his routine.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;d be like, &#8220;Man, he was telling that story to the last girl that he talked to. That&#8217;s so lame. He can&#8217;t think of anything else to say.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I criticized it back then, until I realized the value of having a \u201cbit.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"Have_Stories_Ready\">Have Stories Ready<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>A bit is a<a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/telling-stories-on-date\/\"> short story<\/a> that you can easily weave into a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s valuable because it\u2019s already been perfected and tested on other women, now it can keep cranking out results for you.<\/p>\n<p>We talk about a conversation. It&#8217;s got point A, point B, point C, and point D.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re trying to take things from the first \u201cHi,\u201d all the way to your end goal.<\/p>\n<p>Well, there&#8217;s certain things that work to keep moving that along. When you figure out something that works, you want to keep using it.<\/p>\n<p>Jon Sinn teaches something called <a href=\"https:\/\/seductionroadmap.com\/strawberrytest\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>the Strawberry Fields Routine<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a cold-reading game that he plays with girls. He told me one time, &#8220;I literally used this thing on a hundred dates and every single time, it worked.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/seductionroadmap.com\/strawberrytest\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>The Strawberry Fields Routine<\/strong> <\/a>is designed to create a more sensual frame. I started teaching it to my clients and they started getting the same results that Jon got.<\/p>\n<p>When you start playing this game with a girl, you\u2019re moving the interaction out of comfortable rapport and onto a more intimate and R-rated level. It accomplishes a huge transition in the interaction, one that could be tricky to pull off if you\u2019re just winging it.<\/p>\n<p>So having that one bit already perfected takes a lot of pressure off and allows you to accomplish the transition naturally.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"My_8220Bit8221_for_Explaining_My_Job\">My &#8220;Bit&#8221; for Explaining My Job<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>I used to have something I called the Painting Houses story.<\/p>\n<p>I used to work as a painter. I knew that at some point on a date, a girl was going to ask me, &#8220;What do you do?&#8221; I never had a good answer for it. I would give a bland answer, \u201cI paint houses but I don\u2019t really like it,\u201d and it would kill the momentum of the date.<\/p>\n<p>So I decided to plan a better answer. I decided to create a bit.<\/p>\n<p>In all my days of painting houses, one memory stands out above the rest. It was the time I opened an old lady\u2019s closet\u2026 and found a bag of sex toys.<\/p>\n<p>The bag fell to the floor. Then JUST as I\u2019m putting it back in the closet, the old woman walked in. It was so embarrassing and awkward that it became a pretty juicy story. I began telling this story as a bit every time I was asked what I did for a living.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This bit accomplished several things<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It took the attention off of my job, so that I wasn\u2019t stuck talking about a job I wasn\u2019t passionate about.<\/li>\n<li>It brought in some humor.<\/li>\n<li>It introduced an element of sexuality, making the conversation R-rated.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Once I had <strong>flipped that Rated R Switch,<\/strong> I was able to transition and <strong>flip the question onto the woman<\/strong>. I would go, <em>&#8220;What about you? If I was painting your house, what I would I find in your closet? I bet I would find some freaky stuff.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Having ready-to-go bits like that is something that is very, very, very important.<\/p>\n<p>Most nice guys don&#8217;t think of it. They go into every conversation like it&#8217;s a completely new conversation. Don\u2019t force yourself to reinvent the wheel every time. The guys that are really good at this have bits ready.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Recap_of_the_7_Mistakes\"><strong>Recap of the 7 Mistakes:<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>We talked about seven flirting mistakes &#8220;nice guys&#8221; make with women.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Not having intention.<\/li>\n<li>Qualifying yourself.<\/li>\n<li>Being too PG.<\/li>\n<li>Failing tests.<\/li>\n<li>Not breaking rapport.<\/li>\n<li>Confusing complimenting with flirting.<\/li>\n<li>Not having bits ready.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><span id=\"The_8220Golden_Triangle8221_of_What_to_Say\">The &#8220;Golden Triangle&#8221; of What to Say<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/W1ZP185Ha-s\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/highstatushabits.com\/charismatic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>Download Charismatic Conversation Secrets<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you struggle with what to say, I recommend downloading a copy of <a href=\"http:\/\/highstatushabits.com\/charismatic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">my book Charismatic Conversation Secrets,<\/a> where I provide word-for-word examples of the type of conversations that turn women on.<\/p>\n<p>Avoid those seven mistakes, and be ready for all the excitement, chemistry, and attraction that you used to observe when you saw other guys on dates. Because why should other guys have all the fun?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating&gt; Flirting &gt; Flirting Mistakes by Bobby Rio \u2022 Updated: September 1, 2022 See Also 99% of Girls Chase You When You Say \u201cTHIS\u201d 5 Traits &#8220;Nice Guy&#8221; Lack with Women Guide to Verbal Foreplay Avoid These Flirting Mistakes Why is it that some guys can talk to a woman for just a few minutes [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-posts.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-183","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=183"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/183\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1396,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/183\/revisions\/1396"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}