{"id":1985,"date":"2023-06-26T20:12:01","date_gmt":"2023-06-26T20:12:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/?page_id=1985"},"modified":"2023-06-29T16:37:58","modified_gmt":"2023-06-29T16:37:58","slug":"masculine-texting","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/masculine-texting\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Text Girls in a Masculine Way (Case Study in Masculine Texting)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/\">Dating<\/a> &gt; <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/texting-girls\/\">Texting<\/a> &gt; Masculine Texting<\/small><br \/>\n<small>by Coach Calvin \u2022 Updated: July 1, 2023<\/small><\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/funny-flirty-texts-to-send-a-girl\/\">Flirty Texts to Send a Girl<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/first-date-rules\/\">10 &#8220;First Date&#8221; Rules<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/words-that-turn-women-on\/\">5 &#8220;Words&#8221; That Turn Women On<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-2011\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Thumbnail2-1024x576.png\" alt=\"sending masculine flirty texts\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Thumbnail2-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Thumbnail2-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Thumbnail2-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Thumbnail2.png 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>How to Keep Interest Alive by Being Masculine Over Text<\/h2>\n<p>Today I\u2019m gonna talk about one of the big problems in dating that is likely to end up making you lose the girl you want.<\/p>\n<p>The problem is lack of masculinity in your texting.<\/p>\n<p>One of my private coaching clients, Lyle, was dating this girl Allison, who he really wanted a future with. But he felt her slipping away. They had been dating about two months, but they hadn\u2019t had sex in a month\u2026 and now she was barely replying to his texts. It had gotten so bad that she was starting to take a full day to reply to his texts.<\/p>\n<p>Allison was out of town for a week to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, and since leaving on the trip, all she had done was send him a picture of her and her friends in their bridesmaid dresses, posing in front of a hotel. Just the picture, without even adding any writing. That\u2019s a warning sign, because it\u2019s a very low-investment text, meaning she didn\u2019t put much effort into it.<\/p>\n<p>So it was Lyle\u2019s move now. He needed to reply to this photo in a way that got the attraction back on track, before she completely slipped away.<\/p>\n<p>I looked through screenshots of his previous texts, the texts that Allison had taken a full day to reply to.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1988 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Hey-how-are-you.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1992\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/How-is-your-trip-going.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1994\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-youre-having-a-good-time.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I said, \u2018Here\u2019s the problem with those texts. They\u2019re passive and boring. They\u2019re not contributing anything of value, you\u2019re just asking her question after question, like you\u2019re an empty shell hoping for her to bring something interesting into your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cI thought I was being nice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, when I work with clients, one of my favorite things to do is to learn about a guy\u2019s life and find that one key revelation about his life that allows me to make all my lessons click for him.<\/p>\n<h2>Mistakeless and Flavorless Texts<\/h2>\n<p>Lyle plays in a successful band. While he was telling me about his life, he told me that the worst review he ever got was for his first album, where a music critic described his album as, \u201cMistakeless and flavorless.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He says he never got over the sting of that review. The critic wrote, \u201cTechnically without error, this album is so caught up with playing it safe that it ends up making no impression at all. This is the most technically perfect, bland and vapid album I\u2019ve ever heard. Do his good intentions count for something? Maybe. Do I want to listen? Absolutely not.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lyle told me that this review had basically been haunting him for years, and motivated him to take more risks in his music.<\/p>\n<p>So now, as I was reading through his texts to Allisoni that said, \u201c<strong>How\u2019s your trip going?\u201d and \u201cHope you\u2019re having a good time,\u201d<\/strong> I said, \u201cDon\u2019t you see? What that critic observed in your music ten years ago wasn\u2019t the problem. It was a symptom of a problem. The problem is the underlying mentality you developed as a kid, probably because your parents overcriticized you. You\u2019ve got this constant fear of anyone finding fault in you, so you get preemptively scared, and before anyone criticizes you, and you rush to sanitize yourself so that you can\u2019t possibly be offensive to anyone. You did it in your music ten years ago, and you\u2019re doing it in your texts now. You\u2019re so concerned with not rocking the boat that you end up with texts that have nothing memorable about them at all.<\/p>\n<p>I asked him, \u201cWhat was your best idea to reply to that picture from the wedding that Allison sent you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He told his ideas:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMaybe I\u2019ll say <strong>\u2018Nice picture.<\/strong>\u2019 It would be rude if I don\u2019t tell her I like it. Or maybe I\u2019ll write, <strong>\u2018Hope you\u2019re having a good time.\u2019\u201d <\/strong>or <strong>\u201cHow is everything going?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I said, no, man, that\u2019s the same \u2018mistakeless and flavorless\u2019 mentality that ruined your first album. You need to steer this conversation in an interesting direction. Infuse something entertaining into it. Have a personality, have a point of view.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cI\u2019m so used to making sure I don\u2019t have an offensive point of view\u2026 I\u2019m not sure I even know what to have a point of view about.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said I can work with that. Let\u2019s make a list of all the things you could potentially text about.<\/p>\n<p>I asked him what he knew about Allison\u2019s trip.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cThe bride lives in Sweden and she\u2019s getting married to this Swedish guy. They&#8217;re having the wedding in the U.S. because, it\u2019s sort of a scandalous thing\u2026 the groom was married before and they were having an affair and there was some concern to keep the wedding a secret over here in the States so that his ex-wife wouldn\u2019t be tempted to show up and do something crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cSo you\u2019re telling me\u2026 you have THAT incredible story available to be texting about\u2026 and all you could come up with was, <strong>\u201cHope you\u2019re having a good trip<\/strong>\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>If you have subject matter like THIS to pull from, you\u2019ve GOT to be playing up the saliciousness of it!<\/p>\n<p>Women feel a magnetic pull towards a guy who writes EDGY texts.<\/p>\n<p>Edgy means being a little bit rough around the edges. A little bit mischievous. For no other reason than to keep yourself entertained. And it\u2019s masculine because you\u2019re marching to the beat of your own drum, not worried about anyone\u2019s opinions.<\/p>\n<p>I wrote this text for him to send:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2007\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Now I knew that text would be good. But Lyle wasn\u2019t so sure. He said, \u201cHow about instead we change it to, <strong>\u2018\u2018Hope the wedding didn\u2019t draw too much attention\u201d<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cSee, Lyle, that idea is a lot more general. General is always less interesting. Specific is always more interesting. With the text I wrote, Allison will get a specific image in her mind of some crazy Swedish lady bursting in and getting pushed into a pool. With that text you suggested, Allison won\u2019t get any image in her mind. That\u2019s why she\u2019ll ignore it or take forever to write back.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Once I convinced him of that, he got even more nervous because that meant he would have to actually send it. And he started coming up with more reasons to doubt the text.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want it to end up that maybe I remembered wrong about the story of the groom\u2019s ex-wife in Sweden. What if I\u2019m remembering that wrong and the text makes no sense, what if she gets mad at me for remembering wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cLyle\u2026 I don\u2019t think you could remember something that incorrectly. I think your mind is just going into a defense mechanism to get you to doubt yourself because you\u2019re so scared of offending her with an edgy text. Trust yourself more. If you think that\u2019s the story she told you, that\u2019s probably the story she told you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wrote another option for Lyle\u2019s text:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1995\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere, I said, this one doesn\u2019t even rely on that story about the ex-wife. It stands on its own.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lyle liked it, but again he tried to water it down. He told me, \u201cYeah\u2026 maybe instead\u2026 what if we just text:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1991\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cOh no\u2026 That\u2019s not edgy. That\u2019s just a \u201cmistakeless and flavorless\u201d text.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, like Rob Judge says put your text up to the Grandma Test. That means, if a woman could get the same text from her grandma, don\u2019t send it. Her grandma could absolutely text her, \u201c(doing old lady Southern accent) \u201cWell, sweetie, hope you fulfilled your bridesmaid duties.\u201d There\u2019s nothing fun about that text. You\u2019re just sending that text because you\u2019re afraid of making a mistake.<\/p>\n<p>I asked him for more context that could give me ideas.<\/p>\n<p>He said that he had been helping Allison brainstorm to prepare her bridesmaid toast. And when she had been brainstorming ideas, it was hard because most of her ideas were too risque and she kept cracking herself up.<\/p>\n<p>So I wrote him another option for a text:<\/p>\n<p><strong>I hope you fulfilled your bridesmaid duties &amp; gave a totally inappropriate toast. If not, I\u2019ll be very disappointed.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Or an alternate version:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2003\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I expalined, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to take the point of view that eggs her on to be more wild, that\u2019s what\u2019s fun to read.<\/p>\n<p>Notice how using the language, \u201cYou better have\u2026\u201d as in \u201cYou better have given a totally inapprotiate toast,\u201d is coming from a high-status position. You\u2019re so interested in everyone having a good time, that you\u2019re sort of commanding it to happen, you\u2019re expecting that she\u2019d want to live up your standards of fun. That\u2019s masculine.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s masculine to write to her as if, in the world of this text, Lyle is in charge of what is an acceptable wedding toast. Now, is that true? Well it\u2019s certainly not based in logic. But when you write as if it was true, it MAKES it true, because status is all about attitude. And when you assert yourself as high status AND you can make it funny, you\u2019ve got an attractive text.<\/p>\n<p>I came up with one more idea for him.<\/p>\n<p>I explained: when a woman sends you a picture, you can also try to pick out some detail from the picture, maybe a detail she didn\u2019t intend to be the focus, and make that the focal point of your text. It will surprise her.<\/p>\n<p>So in the picture, Allison and the other bridesmaids were posing, looking kinda silly standing on two luggage carts. So I wrote Lyle this text:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1998\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-that-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a good text. But he got nervous again and said, \u201cI don\u2019t know if we should make the comment about running over kids. What if we just say, <strong>\u201cLooks like you had fun on the luggage carts.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I told him, \u201cNo. That\u2019s right back to a passive text again because you\u2019re just observing her, you\u2019re not ADDING any value that comes from your perception or your opinions. It\u2019s when you add your spin onto things that it becomes masculine.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cWhat if we just text, \u201c<strong>I hope no one got hurt.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I said, no, and even phrasing it as \u201cI hope,\u201d make you passive again. Phrasing it as \u201cPromise me you didn\u2019t run over any kids\u201d is masculine because you\u2019re not just passively sitting back and hoping, you\u2019re actively telling her to promise you that she didn\u2019t run over kids. You know how any book you read, the author has a certain narrative voice? Like, Stephen King is all grim and full of profanity or Charles Dickens is all long winded and old-timey, or the Hunger Games is written in present tense and really cynical? Well, you need to have an author\u2019s voice in your texts and it needs to be IN MOTION, IN ACTION\u2026 masculine. Not passive and watching. So tell her \u201cPromise me,\u201d don\u2019t just tell her, \u201cI hope.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay, so after that, we ended up with these great texts as options:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2007\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/So-the-grooms-ex-never-found-out-too-bad.-I-wanted-a-story-about-her-showing-up-and-you-pushing-her-into-the-pool.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1995\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/I-hope-you-fulfilled-your-bridesmaid-duties-and-got-the-bride-totally-wasted.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2003\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/You-better-have-given-a-totally-inappropriate-toast.-If-not-Ill-be-very-disappointed.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1999\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-300x169.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/looks-like-you-girls-are-about-to-take-the-luggage-cart-for-a-joyride.-Promise-me-you-didnt-run-over-any-kids.png 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I asked him, what do all these good texts have in common?<\/p>\n<p>He was able to tell me: They all pass the grandma test. They are all edgy and masculine. They\u2019re ADDING SUBSTANCE to the conversation, adding either a new observation, a new opinion, a new expectation, or a new playful demand, all coming from you to entertain both you and her.<\/p>\n<p>I said yes, and one more thing. Notice how none of them asks a question. Now, it\u2019s okay to sometimes ask a question in a text, but that shouldn\u2019t be your bread and butter. And in a case like this where a woman hasn\u2019t been replying much, and you know she\u2019s at a fun event and likely to be distracted, it\u2019s a good idea to send her a STATEMENT, not a question, because if you send a statement and she doesn\u2019t reply\u2026 technically she didn\u2019t blow you off\u2026 technically, you just expressed an idea that didn\u2019t require a response from her. You expressed yourself just for the hell of it and didn\u2019t need a reply. Something to keep in mind.<\/p>\n<p>So which one do you think he sent?<\/p>\n<p>I told him to send the \u201criding on the luggage carts\u201d text because it\u2019s the text with the shortest life of relevancy, it had to be sent right then to respond to the picture. All the other texts could actually be kept and sent later on when she was still on the wedding trip.<\/p>\n<p>So he sent it right as we ended our coaching call.<\/p>\n<p>The next day, Lyle was doing another call with me, and he said that after he sent that luggage cart text, \u201cShe replied instantly. She\u2019s never done that before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And he was glad he had the other texts, because he worked them into a texting conversation with her that lasted on and off through the rest of her trip.<\/p>\n<p>We were moving things in the right direction.<\/p>\n<p>A few days later, Allison came back to town, and Lyle wanted to ask her out.<\/p>\n<p>He was thinking of texting, <strong>\u201cHey, would you like to hang out sometime this weekend?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>I said, \u201cOnce again, this text is lacking masculinity. It\u2019s not asserting any idea for what to do, so it\u2019s leaving that up to her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want to be presumptuous and assume I know what she\u2019d want to do. If she says wants to hang out, then I\u2019ll ask her what she wants to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cNo, man. You have to put forth an idea for the date, you\u2019ve got to have a fun idea in mind and know exactly what YOU want to do. Again, that\u2019s inserting masculinity into your texts.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But first things first, don\u2019t go straight into a date invitation without getting her having some fun texting with you first.<\/p>\n<p>So I asked him, \u201cWhat inside jokes do you have with her recently? I\u2019ll write some fun texts based on an inside joke to get her warmed up, then you\u2019ll ask her out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said that the last time they\u2019d hung out before she left town, she had said that she thought Megan Fox\u2019s boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly was 6 foot 4. Lyle hadn\u2019t believed her, so Allison had made a playful bet with him, she bet him that if she was right, he would have to buy her a muffin.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I stopped him right here and said, \u201cAllison is a very cool girl. She\u2019s doing the work here that YOU should be doing, she\u2019s making the conversation playful, making a bet with some stakes. She\u2019s being more masculine than you, and that\u2019s not good. That\u2019s why she hasn\u2019t wanted to have sex with you for a month. You\u2019ve got to take the lead and do this stuff. It\u2019s seeing your masculinity that inspires her to feel attraction.<\/p>\n<p>So I wrote him this text, which has 3 parts to it.<\/p>\n<p>First text this:<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cJust found this about our friend Machine Gun Kelly\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Then send her a link to a google search result that shows Machine Gun Kelly\u2019s height, which is 6 foot 4.<\/p>\n<p>And then text:<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cYou totally cheated. No one would have known that without googling.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>I knew that text would go over well. But Lyle got nervous again.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cDo I have to accuse her of cheating?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cYes, that\u2019s what makes the text fun. Trust me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cWhat if I just text, <strong>\u2018That\u2019s really impressive that you were right\u201d<\/strong>?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cNo. Accuse her of cheating.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Finally he took a chance and sent it.<\/p>\n<p>Then I\u2019m like, halfway through my next sentence to him and he interrupts and goes, \u201cShe wrote back immediately again, I can\u2019t believe it, she never used to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He showed me Allison\u2019s text, she wrote back saying \u201cI didn\u2019t cheat!\u201d with a bunch of laughing\/crying emojis. Immediate investment in the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>So I told him to text:<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cNope. The system was rigged. I don\u2019t owe anybody any muffins.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>She wrote back again immediately, laughing and insisting on having won the bet.<\/p>\n<p>Showing a lot of engagement.<\/p>\n<p>So I said, \u201cOkay, Lyle. She\u2019s having fun with you, so it\u2019s time to ask her out. Let\u2019s transition from this fun argument into the date invitation.<\/p>\n<p>Now one reason Lyle was not getting sex anymore was that every time he hung out with Allison, she never wanted to leave the house. So every date was just him just going over to her apartment, sitting on her couch, and watching Netflix.<\/p>\n<p>He was always showing up with no plan or activity, he was always on her turf, where she was inherently in the dominant role, she controlled what they watched, she controlled what they ate and drank, she controlled when it was time to go to sleep, etc.<\/p>\n<p>So I said: this next date is make-or-break for you. Let\u2019s make it easy for you to take the masculine role. Let\u2019s invite her to a date on your home turf. And what are you most at home with? Music.<\/p>\n<p>Lyle owns a recording studio in Seattle. He often scouts talent. So I had him write:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<strong>Saturday I\u2019m gonna head to Sunset Tavern to hear a new band play. Come help me decide if these kids have any talent worth scouting. Maybe they\u2019ll have muffins and it will be your lucky night.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Obviously that was a joke because no one\u2019s idea of a lucky night is to end up with a muffin. But the key here was, this was a masculine text. It told her the activity, the venue, the night of the week, and it made it sound fun. And importantly, it coaxed her out of her apartment and out into the music scene where Lyle would naturally be able to take the lead.<\/p>\n<p>But he was scared to send it. He said, \u201cWell, isn\u2019t that a little presumptuous for me to assume she\u2019s free on Saturday? And to presume that she would even want to go, I mean, she might not want to go to a concert. What if I say\u2026 \u201c<strong>What would you like to do this weekend? Which night would better for you to hang out?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cNo, man. That\u2019s going right back to lacking masculinity again. If you leave it up to her, she\u2019s just going to want to hang out at her place and sit on the couch again and that never leads to sex because it\u2019s not exciting. The reason she never ends up wanting to go out is because you never propose the plan in an attractive way. You should always come from the point of view of being presumptuous that she\u2019d want to go. Because what\u2019s the alternative? If you\u2019re presumptuous that she WOULDN\u2019T want to go, that vibe is going to rub off on her and she\u2019s gonna sense your low self-esteem. Like, why would you assume that a girl WOULDN\u2019T want to go out with you? Believe that OF COURSE you\u2019re the best option for her Saturday night, of course she\u2019ll have a good time.<\/p>\n<p>And commit to inviting her for a certain night of the week. If she\u2019s not free, she can always tell you and you can rework the plan to change the night of the week. But asking for a certain night of the week gives some momentum to your invitation. Once there\u2019s momentum, it\u2019s easier to work out the details like changing to a night that works better for her, picking a different concert.<\/p>\n<p>What gets a woman saying \u201cyes\u201d to a date is when she receives a date idea from you all wrapped up in a bow, with the activity, the night of the week, the location, all planned out and ready for her to just say \u201cyes\u201d to, because that means you did all the masculine work and now she gets to sit back and just enjoy, without having to do that work for you. What you think of as being polite and overly presumptuous is actually you just making a woman do more work by forcing her to pick the night and the activity. She\u2019s probably got a job and million other things she has to do, don\u2019t make your date invitation feel like work for her, too.<\/p>\n<p>Lyle sent the text. To his surprise once again, she replied right away and accepted the invite to go to the concert.<\/p>\n<p>The next time he got on a coaching call with me, he started by telling me that he and Allison had sex that very night after the concert\u2026 after a MONTH of not having sex.<\/p>\n<p>So the story here is, he\u2019d been losing the girl of his dreams because he was lacking masculinity in his texts. But by injecting some masculinity, some edge, and some creativity into his texts, he was able to save the relationship.<\/p>\n<h2><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/coachingwithcalvin\/\"><strong>==&gt; Learn More About Coaching With Calvin<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/examples-of-good-texts\/\">Steal THESE 7 Texts to Send Girls<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/texts-that-reveal-how-she-feels\/\">15 Texts That Reveal Her Secret Feelings<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/texts-to-never-send-a-girl\/\">Never Send These 5 Texts<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><\/h3>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating &gt; Texting &gt; Masculine Texting by Coach Calvin \u2022 Updated: July 1, 2023 See Also Flirty Texts to Send a Girl 10 &#8220;First Date&#8221; Rules 5 &#8220;Words&#8221; That Turn Women On How to Keep Interest Alive by Being Masculine Over Text Today I\u2019m gonna talk about one of the big problems in dating that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-posts.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1985","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1985"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2013,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1985\/revisions\/2013"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}