{"id":89,"date":"2022-08-05T18:41:35","date_gmt":"2022-08-05T18:41:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/?page_id=89"},"modified":"2022-09-02T15:41:09","modified_gmt":"2022-09-02T15:41:09","slug":"hot-and-cold-formula","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/hot-and-cold-formula\/","title":{"rendered":"The &#8220;Hot and Cold&#8221; Formula to Make Her WANT YOU"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/\">Dating <\/a> &gt; <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/attract-women\/\">Attraction<\/a> &gt; Hot &amp; Cold<\/small><br \/>\n<small>by Bobby Rio \u2022 <\/small><small>Updated: July 20, 2022<\/small><\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/psychology-of-ignoring-a-woman\/\">The Secret Psychology of Ignoring a Woman<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/what-say-to-make-her-love-you\/\">Say &#8220;THIS&#8221; To Make Her Chase You<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/romantic-tension-women\/\">Are You a \u201cRomantic Challenge\u201d or Too Easy?<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-1383\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_HOTCOLD2-1024x576.png\" alt=\"hot and cold attraction\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_HOTCOLD2-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_HOTCOLD2-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_HOTCOLD2-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Thumbnail_HOTCOLD2.png 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"The_Secret_Power_of_Acting_Hot8221_and_8220Cold\">The Secret Power of Acting \u201cHot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve got a girl in your life who thinks you\u2019re so-so.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe she doesn\u2019t even know you exist.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s<strong> one secret behavior trick<\/strong> you can do to get her suddenly paying more attention, feeling more and more attracted to you, and eventually chasing you.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a universal trait that I have helped guys master for the past 12 years.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the idea of being &#8220;HOT AND COLD&#8221; to someone.<\/p>\n<div id=\"toc_container\" class=\"no_bullets\"><p class=\"toc_title\">Contents<\/p><ul class=\"toc_list\"><li><a href=\"#The_Secret_Power_of_Acting_Hot8221_and_8220Cold\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">1<\/span> The Secret Power of Acting \u201cHot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold\u201d<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#When_Someone_is_Hot_and_Cold_We_Chase_Them\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">1.1<\/span> When Someone is Hot and Cold We Chase Them<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#What_is_8220Hot8221_and_8220Cold8221_Behavior\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">2<\/span> What is &#8220;Hot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold&#8221; Behavior<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#THATS_HOT_COLD_BEHAVIOR\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">2.1<\/span> THAT\u2019S \u201cHOT &amp; COLD\u201d BEHAVIOR.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Reason_1_It_Taps_Into_Confusion_and_Mystery\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">3<\/span> Reason #1: It Taps Into Confusion and Mystery<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Reason_2_It_Creates_a_Rollercoaster_of_Emotions\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">4<\/span> Reason #2: It Creates a Rollercoaster of Emotions<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#8220THIS8221_Gives_Her_the_Addicting_Tension_She_Craves\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">4.1<\/span> &#8220;THIS&#8221; Gives Her the Addicting Tension She Craves<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#Reason_3_It_Creates_Fear_of_Loss_In_Her\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">5<\/span> Reason #3: It Creates Fear of Loss In Her<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Reason_4_It_Plays_on_Her_Ego\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">6<\/span> Reason #4: It Plays on Her Ego<\/a><ul><li><a href=\"#You_keep_her_in_suspense\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_2\">6.1<\/span> You keep her in suspense.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li><a href=\"#2_Ways_to_Use_8220Hot8221_and_8220Cold8221_Behavior\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">7<\/span> 2 Ways to Use &#8220;Hot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold&#8221; Behavior<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Number_1_Hot_and_Cold_to_Attract_New_Women\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">8<\/span> Number #1: Hot and Cold to Attract New Women<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Number_2_Hot_and_Cold_to_Make_a_Girl_You8217re_Dating_Chase_You\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">9<\/span> Number #2: Hot and Cold to Make a Girl You&#8217;re Dating Chase You<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#How_Good_Are_You_At_8220The_Game8221\"><span class=\"toc_number toc_depth_1\">10<\/span> How Good Are You At &#8220;The Game&#8221;?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\n<p>I first discovered this in a psychology book back in college. It was a book about making someone fall in love with you. It\u2019s now out of print.<\/p>\n<p>It talked about one concept:<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"When_Someone_is_Hot_and_Cold_We_Chase_Them\"><b>When Someone is Hot and Cold We Chase Them<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Back then, I was introverted and shy. So I assumed it would be easy for me to do.<\/p>\n<p>I thought, \u201cI can just be a little cold and distant today, then next time I\u2019ll be talkative.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>AND IT WORKED.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Because &#8220;hot&#8221; and &#8220;cold&#8221; is a universal attraction trigger<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In fact, when I\u2019m coaching guys with their dating life\u2026 and they describe the girl they are obsessed with\u2026 time after time I see that the girl is using this exact same tactic on the guy.<\/p>\n<p>I have to say,<em> \u201cShe\u2019s being hot and cold to you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m friends with a lot of dating instructors &amp; therapists who coach women. The number one issue that they find is: women are also chasing a guy who&#8217;s being hot and cold to them.<\/p>\n<p>Like I said, it\u2019s a universal trait. So let\u2019s define it.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"What_is_8220Hot8221_and_8220Cold8221_Behavior\">What is &#8220;Hot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold&#8221; Behavior<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>You\u2019re hanging out with a girl. She\u2019s laughing at your jokes. She\u2019s talking about a future with you, mentioning things she wants to do together. She\u2019s being completely flirty with you.<\/p>\n<p>Then you hang out a week later and you notice\u2026 something\u2019s different.<\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;s not putting as much effort in.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s not laughing at your jokes as much.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes you text her and she tells you a long answer about her day. But the next time you text her, it\u2019s crickets.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re seeing two totally different behaviors.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"THATS_HOT_COLD_BEHAVIOR\"><strong>THAT\u2019S \u201cHOT &amp; COLD\u201d BEHAVIOR.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p>We say we hate it, but we still chase the women who do it.<\/p>\n<p>Girls say they hate it, but they still <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/become-the-prize-girls-chase\/\">chase the guys who do it.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Universal behavior.<\/p>\n<p>So, why does it work?<\/p>\n<p>Here are some reasons why <a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/the-dating-game-of-hot-and-cold_b_7093446\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">&#8220;hot&#8221; and &#8220;cold&#8221;<\/a> makes a woman chase you.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Reason_1_It_Taps_Into_Confusion_and_Mystery\">Reason #1: It Taps Into Confusion and Mystery<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Part of us just wants to know, does she like me? Does she not like me?<\/p>\n<p>It gets us wrapped up in our head, trying to figure out what&#8217;s going on.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like a movie that you&#8217;re trying to piece together.<\/p>\n<p>I used this tactic on a girl back in college. She wound up hooking up with me and saying, <em>\u201cI had to hook up with you just to find out if you liked me or hated me because I had no clue.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I was overdoing it back then. You don&#8217;t want to go as far as I did.<\/p>\n<p>But it shows that when \u201chot &amp; cold\u201d kicks in, it\u2019s incredibly powerful.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Reason_2_It_Creates_a_Rollercoaster_of_Emotions\">Reason #2: It Creates a Rollercoaster of Emotions<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>People value something more if they\u2019re not sure they can have it.<\/p>\n<p>When you sense that a girl really likes you\u2026 and she likes you all the time\u2026 eventually, you begin to question whether you even want her.<\/p>\n<p>The same thing happens when you constantly display to a woman that you like her and like her all the time.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re always available to her and hot, hot, hot towards her, she gets used to it and takes it for granted.<\/p>\n<p>She goes, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got him. The challenge is over. I can relax and decide whether I even want him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When there&#8217;s an alternating between hot and cold, she doesn\u2019t get that chance to relax and take you for granted.<\/p>\n<p>Instead,<strong> she\u2019s riding a rollercoaster of ups and downs<\/strong>, hoping to catch the highpoint of your interest again.<\/p>\n<p>She comes to anticipate and look forward to the good times with you. Just like waiting for the next high-speed drop on a rollercoaster \u2013 it\u2019s EXCITING.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re not sure when it\u2019s coming, whether it\u2019s coming, how it\u2019s coming\u2026 you can\u2019t stop anticipating it.<\/p>\n<p>Get her thinking that way about you.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"8220THIS8221_Gives_Her_the_Addicting_Tension_She_Craves\">&#8220;THIS&#8221; Gives Her the Addicting Tension She Craves<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Jej8HfNTwtw\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/technique\/\"><strong>Watch the &#8220;Scrambler&#8221; Video and Learn the Technique<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span id=\"Reason_3_It_Creates_Fear_of_Loss_In_Her\">Reason #3: It Creates Fear of Loss In Her<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When we fear we might lose something, we begin to put more value on it.<br \/>\nWe&#8217;ve all been there, right?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you had a slight interest in a girl. Then she pulled away and you\u2019re like, \u201cWoah, I don\u2019t want to lose her!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Women have that same instinct.<\/p>\n<p>When a man starts pulling away, something kicks in with them and they don&#8217;t want to lose him. So in the \u201cHot &amp; Cold\u201d cycle, each time you\u2019re cold, you give her that impression that you may be pulling away.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019ll be motivated to win back your affection.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Reason_4_It_Plays_on_Her_Ego\">Reason #4: It Plays on Her Ego<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When somebody is really attracted to us (when someone is \u201chot\u201d towards us), it feels good.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re hot towards a woman, she starts thinking, <em>\u201cLook at the way he treats me. This is proof that I\u2019m special. I\u2019m the shit. I\u2019m valuable.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>But then when you&#8217;re cold, all of the sudden, she questions, <em>\u201cWoah\u2026 am I not special anymore? Is it that I don\u2019t look as good today? Am I getting boring? Am I no longer fun?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Her ego kicks in and all of the sudden she wants that hot feeling back.<\/p>\n<p>When a woman goes cold on you, you feel the same way. You get desperate to feel her paying attention to you again. You crave her validation.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t feel bad. Women are 100 percent comfortable doing this to you. It\u2019s only fair that you do it back to them.<\/p>\n<p>And in the end, you know you like the woman so you\u2019re going to bring the \u201chot\u201d feelings back to her again. You just can\u2019t let her know that.<\/p>\n<h3><span id=\"You_keep_her_in_suspense\">You keep her in suspense.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>When you\u2019re cold, she gets confused. She associates it with herself and starts going, <em>\u201cIs there another girl he\u2019s with that\u2019s more attractive than me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>She starts <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/regain-upper-hand-with-girl\/\">competing for your attention<\/a>. Even if there\u2019s really no other girl to compete with.<\/p>\n<p><strong>A WARNING: <\/strong>Don\u2019t use this technique in a manipulative way.<\/p>\n<p>But just understand that if you\u2019re hot all the time, you\u2019re going to get boring.<\/p>\n<p>And you\u2019re going to lose her.<\/p>\n<p>But if you\u2019re cold all the time, she won\u2019t enjoy being around you at all.<\/p>\n<p>And you\u2019re going to lose her.<\/p>\n<p>The sweet spot is when you mix in a little bit of cold with a little bit of hot.<\/p>\n<p>It gets her <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/make-girl-think-about-you\/\">thinking about you.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>And one of the things that I teach in the Scrambler is that, the more you get a woman thinking about you, the more likely it is she&#8217;s going to fall in love with you.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"2_Ways_to_Use_8220Hot8221_and_8220Cold8221_Behavior\">2 Ways to Use &#8220;Hot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold&#8221; Behavior<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Below are two situations where you can use &#8220;hot&#8221; and &#8220;cold&#8217; behavior to increase a woman&#8217;s attraction to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong><small>Is a Girl Being &#8220;Hot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold&#8221;?<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/girl-is-hot-and-cold\/\">Why girls act &#8220;hot&#8221; and &#8220;cold&#8221;<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you\">How to tell if she likes you or not<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/text-slow-down-interest\/\">If her texts slow down is she losing interest?<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span id=\"Number_1_Hot_and_Cold_to_Attract_New_Women\"><strong>Number #1: Hot and Cold to Attract New Women<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>You can use it to initially get a woman attracted to you. This works really well in a social scene or a job, for instance, anywhere where you&#8217;re seeing the same girls, the same women, over and over.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve used it, like I mentioned earlier, in college where I would see a lot of the same girls in class or at parties. I&#8217;d walk up and say, \u201cHey, how are you doing?\u201d Then other times I would see them and act like I was too busy to notice them.<\/p>\n<p>The more I did that, the more they started coming up to me and trying to get my approval.<\/p>\n<p>I did same thing in workplaces. I worked in a bar and a restaurant for periods of time. The same thing worked on the beautiful waitresses.<\/p>\n<p>Some days I would come into work and I&#8217;d be the life of the party, in a good mood, talking to them, showing them a lot of attention.<\/p>\n<p>Other days, I would walk in and do my own thing. And what I noticed is, when I did that, they&#8217;d come down and sit next to me and try to get me talking. They\u2019d try to get me back to being that fun guy I had been the other day.<\/p>\n<p>What that&#8217;s doing is getting them to put in the effort. And the more a woman puts in effort to win you over, the more she asks herself, \u201cWhy am I doing this? I must really like this guy. He must be special.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"Number_2_Hot_and_Cold_to_Make_a_Girl_You8217re_Dating_Chase_You\"><strong>Number #2: Hot and Cold to Make a Girl You&#8217;re Dating Chase You<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When a lot of guys have a really good date, they immediately want to double down on that.<\/p>\n<p>They tell the girl, \u201c<em>I had a really good time, let\u2019s do this again tomorrow.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t do that. That\u2019s way too much \u201chot\u201d all at once. You\u2019ll get taken for granted and dropped.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, leave some room for uncertainty.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The next time you see her, just be slightly less engaged with her.<\/li>\n<li>It could be something as simple as just not putting in as much effort. When a conversation is dying down, don\u2019t step in to fill the silence and keep her entertained.<\/li>\n<li>Instead, hang back, stay quiet.<\/li>\n<li>Let her step in to try to entertain you.<\/li>\n<li>Let her end the silence because she\u2019s afraid you might get bored.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When she sees you\u2019re less interested than you were last time, that peaks her interest.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s going to create that mystery about you. It\u2019s going to get her chasing that validation for her ego. All the reasons we talked about are going to kick in.<\/p>\n<p>HOWEVER\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t let this be a technique that you use, because it will seem inauthentic. You want to incorporate it into your personality.<\/p>\n<p>Some guys naturally have a personality type that makes them come across as too \u201chot\u201d and lack mystery.<\/p>\n<h2><span id=\"How_Good_Are_You_At_8220The_Game8221\">How Good Are You At &#8220;The Game&#8221;?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I have a <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/quiz\/4\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>PERSONALITY QUIZ<\/strong> <\/a>that I recommend.<\/p>\n<p>Click on the link below.<\/p>\n<p><strong>It\u2019s seven questions that identify:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2022 Your attraction type.<br \/>\n\u2022 The mistakes you\u2019re making with women.<br \/>\n\u2022 How much natural mystery is in your personality.<br \/>\n\u2022 How prone you are to being \u201chot\u201d versus \u201ccold.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It will help you adjust your behavior.<\/p>\n<p>If you find yourself losing girls, <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/quiz\/4\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TAKE THE QUIZ TO IDENTIFY WHAT MAY BE CAUSING IT<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Being \u201chot and cold\u201d is a universal principle. So remember: don\u2019t fall victim to it. Make it work for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating &gt; Attraction &gt; Hot &amp; Cold by Bobby Rio \u2022 Updated: July 20, 2022 See Also The Secret Psychology of Ignoring a Woman Say &#8220;THIS&#8221; To Make Her Chase You Are You a \u201cRomantic Challenge\u201d or Too Easy? The Secret Power of Acting \u201cHot&#8221; and &#8220;Cold\u201d Maybe you\u2019ve got a girl in your life [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-posts.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-89","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/89","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/89\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1438,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/89\/revisions\/1438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}