{"id":955,"date":"2022-08-08T14:44:22","date_gmt":"2022-08-08T14:44:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/?page_id=955"},"modified":"2022-09-19T14:17:59","modified_gmt":"2022-09-19T14:17:59","slug":"regain-upper-hand-with-girl","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/regain-upper-hand-with-girl\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Ways to Regain the &#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; with a Girl"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/\">Dating <\/a>&gt; <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/attract-women\/\">Attraction<\/a> &gt; Regain &#8220;upper hand&#8221;<\/small><br \/>\n<small>by Bobby Rio \u2022 <\/small><small>Updated: August 08, 2022<\/small><\/p>\n<p><strong><small>See Also<\/small><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/what-say-to-make-her-love-you\/\">99% of Girls Chase You When You Say \u201cTHIS\u201d<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/no-contact-rule\/\">The &#8220;No Contact&#8221; Rule (how to use it)<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<li><small><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/power-over-women\/\">The #1 Way to Have Power Over Girls<\/a><\/small><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-1353\" src=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/regain-upper-hand-1024x576.png\" alt=\"regain the upper hand hand with a girl\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/regain-upper-hand-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/regain-upper-hand-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/regain-upper-hand-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/regain-upper-hand.png 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>How to Regain the Upper Hand and Make Her Want You Again<\/h2>\n<p>If you feel a girl losing interest, if you sense she&#8217;s pulling away&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>What can you do turn things around, change her mind, and have her chasing you again?<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s what I&#8217;m going to reveal in this article&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>One of the big questions we often get is; <em>what can I do to re-ignite attraction when a girl starts slipping away?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In fact, <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/rob-judge\/\">Rob Judge<\/a> and I were out at dinner recently with some friends.<\/p>\n<p>One of our buddies was talking about how he started dating some girl. He&#8217;s really into her, but he&#8217;s got that sinking feeling that he doesn&#8217;t have any of the control.<\/p>\n<p>Everything is on her terms.<\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;s got all the power.<\/p>\n<p>And we all know, that when a girl has all the power, that&#8217;s a recipe for disaster.<\/p>\n<p>So he asked, <em>\u201cWhat can I do to get the upper hand back?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Rob and I gave him four tips that help you regain the &#8220;upper hand&#8221;. Now we want to share those tips with you.<\/p>\n<p>I also want to warn you, when you feel her slipping away, <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/why-girls-pull-away\/\">avoid these 5 mistakes men make when a girl &#8220;pulls away&#8221;<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>&#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; Tip #1: Ask Her For A Favor<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Ask the girl for a favor.\u00a0 Yeah, it&#8217;s counterintuitive. But there\u2019s a psychology behind it<\/p>\n<p>We talk a lot about how it never works to use nice guy behavior like doing favors for a woman and trying to be a white knight.<\/p>\n<p>But most guys never think about the fact that the inverse is true.<\/p>\n<p>While trying to do favors will repel women, asking her to do you a favor will attract her.<\/p>\n<p>This is due to the principle of justification.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>The Effort Justification Principle<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>The more effort you put into something, the more you feel invested in it.<\/p>\n<p>When guys realize it\u2019s not going to go anywhere with a woman, they put so much effort in that they convince themselves they like her.<\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;re doing that in reverse when you&#8217;re asking her to do you a favor, because normally it&#8217;s the opposite. Normally you&#8217;re driving her to the airport. You&#8217;re moving furniture.<\/p>\n<p>You reverse that when you say, <em>&#8220;Can you give me a ride somewhere?&#8221;<\/em> or &#8220;<em>Can you walk my dog while I&#8217;m at work?&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>While she\u2019s doing you the favor, it makes her feel invested in you.<\/p>\n<p>She thinks, \u201cIf I&#8217;m doing this, it must be because I really like this guy. Or else I wouldn&#8217;t bother.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Good Samaritan Euphoria<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Another reason it works to ask her for a favor is that we all feel good when we help someone.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why a lot of guys do nice guy behaviors: they feel good about themselves.<\/p>\n<p>Asking her to do a favor gives her the opportunity to be the white knight.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/rob-judge\/\">Rob Judge<\/a> does it regularly with his girlfriend. Rob doesn\u2019t speak Spanish; his girlfriend is Mexican. So he\u2019ll ask her to translate something for him.<\/p>\n<p>You don&#8217;t have to ask her for some huge, monumental thing. But it should be something that requires her to take some time out of her day and invest a bit of energy.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>The Benjamin Franklin Example<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Even <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Benjamin_Franklin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Ben Franklin<\/a> found this tactic useful.<\/p>\n<p>He once had a big feud with a guy he knew. Unfortunately, Ben Franklin was in the wrong. In order to end the feud, Ben asked him, &#8220;Hey, can I borrow this book from you?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The guy lent him the book and wound up forgiving him.<\/p>\n<p>You would think it would be the opposite. But that&#8217;s how it works.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s subtle, but it starts establishing a little more of your power.<\/p>\n<h2>5 Mistakes to Avoid When You Lose the &#8220;Upper Hand&#8221;<\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/iyb5w6VsdE8\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/technique\/\"><strong>Discover The Scrambler Technique<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>&#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; Tip #2: Ration Your Time<\/h2>\n<p>So, the first tip is ration your time and attention<\/p>\n<p>One of the first things our friend complained about was that he has a more flexible schedule than the girl he\u2019s dating.<\/p>\n<p>He&#8217;s telling us, <em>\u201cIt\u2019s always her dictating when we hang out. I\u2019m always wondering if Tuesday night\u2019s not good for her.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Or like, he&#8217;s moving his schedule around to accommodate her.<\/p>\n<p>It was obvious that she had all of the &#8220;time power&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>In a relationship, the person with the higher status doesn\u2019t see the other person\u2019s time as valuable.<\/p>\n<p>The lower status person usually appears to have an abundance of time.<\/p>\n<p>This allows them to be taken for granted.<\/p>\n<p>Just like anything in life, the more abundant a resource is, the less valuable it is.<\/p>\n<p>So you need to apply some scarcity to your time.<\/p>\n<p>When the woman is the only one in the relationship who has things competing for her time, she starts controlling everything.<\/p>\n<p>The guy sees her time as more valuable than his, he starts being afraid to be unavailable.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he thinks, \u201cIf I can\u2019t hang out tonight, I might not get to see her til next week!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So he cancels his other plan to make sure to see her.<\/p>\n<p>She starts getting used to the notion that he\u2019s always flexible.<\/p>\n<p>So she thinks she doesn\u2019t have to be.<\/p>\n<p>Now, the thing is, when a girl has a tight schedule, very often we don&#8217;t want to turn down a chance to hang out with her.<\/p>\n<p>So how can we still ration our time with her?<\/p>\n<h2>Use &#8220;Time Constraints&#8221; to Regain the Upper Hand<\/h2>\n<p>One way to apply scarcity to your time is introduce a &#8220;time constraint&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Anytime you make plans, tell her, \u201cWe can grab coffee, but I got to be out by 6:00,\u201d or \u201cI can only stay for an hour.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you talk on the phone, tell her, \u201cHey, I thought I\u2019d call you because I have a quick 10 minutes, but I got to be off the phone at noon \u2019cause\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>and give some brief hint of a reason.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s best if you have activities in your life that makes this plausible.<\/p>\n<p>But even if you don\u2019t, you still should do this.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;ll make her see your time as having value again.<\/p>\n<p>The principle of time constraint also applies to calling a girl back and responding to texts.<\/p>\n<p>If a girl calls you, especially if we haven&#8217;t heard from her in a bit, we get really excited.<\/p>\n<p>We want to pick up right away, or text her back right away.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes you can, but other times, it\u2019s wise to miss the call, then call her back in ten or fifteen minutes.<\/p>\n<p>The sub-communication is that you have competition for your time, too.<\/p>\n<p>A lot of guys think, \u201cI\u2019m not going to call her back til tomorrow. I\u2019m not going to text her back til tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I want to give you a better, sneakier and way more effective way to control the timing.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s what you do&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You wait till a certain time \u2013 maybe it\u2019s right before you go to bed.<\/p>\n<p>Then you text, \u201cHey, saw you called. I\u2019ll hit you up tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re dictating that it\u2019s going to happen tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>And to make it more powerful&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You MAKE HER WAIT till later in the day for your returned call.<\/p>\n<p>What&#8217;s cool is it makes her think, \u201cIf he had time to text me that, why didn\u2019t he just call me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Is he with someone? What&#8217;s going on?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>We all know the more she thinks about you, the more she falls for you, right?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s even more powerful than simply not calling until tomorrow.<\/p>\n<h2>&#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; Tip #3:\u00a0 Stop Explaining Yourself<\/h2>\n<p>As the dinner progressed, Rob and I began reading over this guy\u2019s texts.<\/p>\n<p>We saw an accusatory tone creep into her messages. She was writing stuff like, &#8220;<em>Why did you give me this advice? This was wrong.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>In response, he\u2019d written large paragraphs of text to justify himself.<\/p>\n<p>He wrote, <em>&#8220;I did it because I have a degree in this and I&#8217;m an expert and I know what I&#8217;m talking about.&#8221;<\/em> He went on and on.<\/p>\n<p>He thought he was simply defending himself or proving that she was wrong.<\/p>\n<p>But what he was actually doing was revealing that he had the lower status position in the relationship dynamic.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Assume Authority<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Let\u2019s take a deeper look at the concept of explaining.<\/p>\n<p>If Rob or I were working with a client and we gave him a piece of advice and then he&#8217;s like, &#8220;Well, why did you give me that advice?&#8221; If we said, &#8220;Well, it normally works and it should have worked,&#8221; it would lower our authority.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, if we go, &#8220;<em>Listen, that&#8217;s what works. You don&#8217;t have to do it, but that&#8217;s what works,\u201d<\/em> we would automatically get that status back, because we\u2019d be full of certainty.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019d be speaking with authority. And that\u2019s exactly what you should do.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>An Example of the &#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; in Sales<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>I&#8217;m having a pool built at my house and I got estimates from two different contractors.<\/p>\n<p>When the second contractor handed me his quote, I told him the other guy had been cheaper. That\u2019s when the second contractor told me, <em>&#8220;Well, then go with him.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>He didn&#8217;t say, \u201cI do more work.&#8221; He didn\u2019t bend over backwards to explain himself. That would have communicated that he needed my business.<\/p>\n<p>I ended up hiring the more expensive contractor because he was so confident. I trusted that he\u2019d be an authority because he didn\u2019t bother to explain himself.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>The Michael Jordan Example<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>If you saw Michael Jordan on the street and told him, \u201cYou suck at basketball,\u201d Michael wouldn&#8217;t sit there and say, \u201cHow can you say that? I&#8217;ve won six NBA championships! I was the MVP five times! I was in the Olympics!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>No. He would scoff at you and say,<em> \u201cOkay, pal. Laters.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Because he has nothing to prove.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s how you have to look at this. If you want to take that power back and get on even footing with a woman, never give rationalizations. Don\u2019t be overly logical. Just stand firm in your position.<\/p>\n<p>Be the guy who doesn\u2019t need to explain.<\/p>\n<h2>&#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; Tip #4: Pull back Your Interest a Bit&#8230;<\/h2>\n<p>Now you don&#8217;t want to overdue this because if you do it wrong, it can kill <a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/create-chemistry-with-woman\/\">the chemistry<\/a>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>However, in small doses it works wonders.<\/p>\n<p>In essence, you&#8217;re mirroring her a bit, right?<\/p>\n<p>On the surface, you act like everything is fine, you&#8217;re not confronting her, your not seeming upset or needy that she&#8217;s pulling away.<\/p>\n<p>You just pull back a bit yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s the important part though, it can NOT appear like a reaction to her behavior. She can&#8217;t think you&#8217;re upset or anything.<\/p>\n<p>It has to feel to her like you&#8217;re genuinely losing a bit of interest in her.<\/p>\n<p>One thing we always tell clients, never reward bad behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately that&#8217;s what most guys do. When a girl goes cold, they get even hotter thinking it will convince her to stay.<\/p>\n<p>But in reality, you&#8217;re rewarding her bad behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Which makes her lose respect for you.<\/p>\n<p>So instead, you make slight changes that make her feel like HER CHARM is wearing off.<\/p>\n<p>Because we hate losing something right?<\/p>\n<p>She likes feeling special and when you seem to less enchanted with her, it compels her to try harder.<\/p>\n<p>And a woman can only feel attraction when she&#8217;s trying to impress you.<\/p>\n<p>So doing things like&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Acting a less enthusiastic to hear from her, a little less certain about her.<\/p>\n<p>And really, as Rob and I teach in the Scrambler, the subtle, under-the-radar things are most effective.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if you always listen to her problems and give her advice when she&#8217;s down&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Instead, change the subject.<\/p>\n<p>If you always agree with her, disagree with her on something.<\/p>\n<p>The point is to show her that her control over you is beginning to wane&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>And don&#8217;t explain. yourself. This is key.<\/p>\n<p>So if she&#8217;s like, is something wrong.<\/p>\n<p>DO NOT tell her that you&#8217;re acting this way because of how she&#8217;s acting.<\/p>\n<p>Be like &#8216;no&#8217;, everything is fine.<\/p>\n<p>But seem distracted.<\/p>\n<p>Leave her wondering what&#8217;s going on&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>That draws her back in.<\/p>\n<p>A lot of guys want the grand gesture to get her back&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And because of this, they make all the common mistakes I talk about in my<a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/pullaway\/\"> 5 mistakes men make when a girl pulls away video<\/a>&#8230;<\/p>\n<h2><strong>Recap of Regaining the &#8220;Upper Hand&#8221; with a Girl<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>There&#8217;s no single grand gesture that restores the power dynamic or gets you the upper hand.<\/p>\n<p>What works is these subtle little things that you start applying.<\/p>\n<p><strong>To get the power back \u2013 or to maintain equal power \u2013 \u00a0do what we told our buddy at dinner:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Get her to put in effort by asking her for a favor<\/li>\n<li>Never explain yourself, let things roll off your back instead<\/li>\n<li>Make yourself less available by putting constraints on your time<\/li>\n<li>Pull back a bit to get her chasing you again<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><strong>Be Preemptive to Avoid Losing the &#8220;Upper Hand&#8221;<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to wait until you\u2019ve lost the power. When you start dating someone new, make a conscious effort to apply these techniques<\/p>\n<p>On a first date, maybe she tells you about something she saw online, tell her, <em>&#8220;Send me that link.&#8221; <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Then when she goes home, she&#8217;s got to do something for you.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019d like to learn more tips to round out your game, check out some more articles on this site.<\/p>\n<h3>Your #1 Source of Power Over Any Girl<\/h3>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/sr-vmuorxn4\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/endofmen.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>Watch the &#8216;End of Men&#8217; <\/strong><strong>Video<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>See Also<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/unlock-the-scrambler-system\/\">How to Use the &#8220;Scrambler Technique&#8221; to Make Her Chase You<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/why-nice-guys-fail\/\">Nice Guys, Stop Doing These 5 Things<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/psychology-of-ignoring-a-woman\/\">The Psychology of Ignoring a Woman<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating &gt; Attraction &gt; Regain &#8220;upper hand&#8221; by Bobby Rio \u2022 Updated: August 08, 2022 See Also 99% of Girls Chase You When You Say \u201cTHIS\u201d The &#8220;No Contact&#8221; Rule (how to use it) The #1 Way to Have Power Over Girls How to Regain the Upper Hand and Make Her Want You Again If [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-posts.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-955","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/955","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=955"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/955\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1828,"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/955\/revisions\/1828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bobbyriotraining.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}