Dating > Conversation > Older Guys
by Bobby Rio • Updated: June 12, 2024
See Also
- 5 Ways to Get a Younger Woman’s Attention
- 3 “Older Guy” Mistakes Men Make with Girls
- 5 Traits Younger Women Chase
Making a Younger Woman Chase You
If you’re an older guy, and you’re either interested in, or currently dating a younger woman…
How do you avoid the common mistakes?
And do you make sure you do and say things that are making her attracted to you…
Rather than pushing her away, or even creeping her out.
And what exactly gets a younger woman attracted to an older man?
In this artcile, I’m going to give you five specific techniques that spark a younger woman’s interest, and keeps her chasing you…
How to Deal with Younger Women
And a very large percent of guys who hire us for coaching, are in their 40s, 50s, and even their 60s..
And a lot of the time, these guys come to us, either chasing a younger woman, not knowing how to get her attracted or make her commit…
Or, they come to us because they had a woman interested, it was going well, but then she suddenly lost attraction.
So I want to give you five of the most important tips for dealing with a younger woman…
5 Ways “Older Guys” Can Spark attraction
So, I want to talk about five of ways that you can you can use you age to your advantage when talking to a younger woman.
Now these are practical techniques you can test out tonight.
Ok lets’ get into them.
Trick #1: Project Certainty
So, the first is the attitude that you must absolutely display…
If you get this wrong, everything else falls apart with her.
As an older man, here is, not only one of the most attractive traits you can display, but the truth is, when you’re dealing with a younger woman, you MUST display it…
And that is certainty.
What is certainty?
It’s a firm conviction that something is true.
And what a girl really wants from you is certainty. That you’re her best possible choice.
That where she is at is the best possible place to be.
That being with you is the best possible decision she can make.
Because SHE doesn’t know.
She can’t make up her mind.
And she doesn’t want the burden of making the decision.
All women have something called “Make Up My Mind for Me Syndrome.”
And it exists in ALL phases of the relationship.
From the very first moment you approach her, to the very first time you go home with her, to the moment she’s blurting out “I love you?”
She wants to be led. She wants to be told what to do.
She wants to feel like she has no control over the outcome.
Now, because I know “cancel culture” and people love to play “gotcha”…
I want to be very clear, always respect a woman’s boundaries. Never make a woman feel uncomfortable…
At the end of the day though, women, especially when it comes to dating an “older man”…
Want a man who projects certainty and LEADS HER.
Certainty at its core, is LACK OF DOUBT.
You have no doubt the woman would be attracted to you, even if you’re older.
There is no doubt she wants to kiss you.
There is no doubt she wants to be your girlfriend.
Compare THAT attitude to the typical attitude of the “Needy Older Guy.”
The “needy older guy” is never certain.
He constantly needs reassurance that she likes him.
That he’s not making mistakes.
He’s constantly second guessing himself that she would be into an older man…
So, he doesn’t make a move.
I can’t tell you how many older guys I’ve worked with, have hung out with a woman multiple times, where she’s practically throwing herself on him, but he just can’t pull the trigger and kiss her.
He may lie to himself, and tell himself he’s being a gentleman or whatever.
But women can pick up on this, she can tell when you’re unsure of yourself.
And when you’re unsure of yourself, that makes her unsure of you.
Not only that, but this neediness causes him to get CLINGY.
Because he’s not certain if she likes him, he feels the need to text her all time for reassurance.
Or he constantly wants to hang out with her just for reassurance that she’s not with someone else.
Or like I said he doesn’t go for the kiss unless she’s practically holding up a sign that tells him to go for it.
Girls pick up on this self doubt.
And it’s extremely unattractive and actually creates a self fulfilling prophecy.
Again, when it comes to dealing with a younger woman, she wants a leader, someone who takes charge.
For example; Instead of asking a girl if you can have her number, tell her to give it to you.
Hand her your phone and tell her to type it in. She’ll do it.
When you ask a woman out, never say “What do you feel like doing” or “Where do you want to eat”
Instead say, “I’ll pick you up at eight and we’re going to head to the race track. We’ll grab a bite there. Wear something cute and summery”.
Be CERTAIN that the race track is the best possible place she can be.
BANISH the doubt and insecurity from your mind.
All those thoughts of “does she like me.” “Is the track a good place to take her?” “Should I try to kiss her later?”
Eliminate them and replace them with CERTAINTY.
Ok next tip for dealing with younger women…
See Also
- 5 Words That Turn Every Woman On
- Proven Formula for Passing Women’s “Tests”
- Say THIS to Make Her Fall in Love
Ok.. next
Technique #2: Don’t Compliment Her or Give Your Approval too Soon
There is a dichotomy where some “older men” are seen as creepy guys chasing younger women…
And other “older men” are seen as sexy, experienced guys where it’s natural for a younger woman to chase them…
And it all comes down to positioning.
A big mistake too many older guys make is they give out their approval too quickly hoping to get the girl to like them.
And she will like you, as a friend.
So, when you’re dealing with a younger woman…
Listen to what she’s saying and be curious and validate what she’s saying.
But this is important: Do not compliment her.
Respond and ask her questions about it, even challenge her a bit.
Like “that’s interesting, how did you figure that out”
She should be validated by the curiosity you have about what she’s saying, or the attention you’re giving her when she’s telling you something.
But the minute you start showering her with compliments, she STOPS WANTING your validation or approval.
It’s a weird paradox.
She doesn’t want some approval seeking “nice guy” who can’t stop telling her how awesome she is.
But here’s the thing…
Very few guys are genuinely curious about what she’s saying, very few guys really listen, or ask her to expand on something.
Most guys just use what she’s saying as a reason to compliment her.
When you do the opposite, you come off more like you’re screening her a bit, qualifying her, trying to see if she’s interesting enough for you.
When you actually listen, you’re curious, but you don’t compliment her, it triggers something in her brain to start working harder for your validation.
Because that is so much DIFFERENT than what she’s used to with other guys…
And that’s the guy she’s more likely to chase and obsess over.
Here’s a tip I’ll throw in, do NOT gush over her social media pics. Just avoid even commenting or liking them.
Technique #3: Use Cold Reading to Demonstrate Authority Over Her World
So cold reading might be associated with psychics and stuff, but in reality, really intuitive people, who understand things at a deeper level, do this naturally.
And as an “older guy”, when you show her that you get her and her world, it makes you seem very mature and experienced…
There’s a couple ways you can use “cold reading”… the first is to use it to get her to compliment you…
And that’s where you bait her into complimenting you or saying something about you that you can make it seem like she’s winning you over.
The reason you want her to feel like she’s winning you over, again, comes down to what we mentioned before, positioning, where you’re the prize, you’re screening her, and she’s trying to impress you.
So one that I’ve used in the past is:
Cold Read #1: She Has a Good Intuition For People.
You’ll say something like:
“You know, I get the sense from you that you almost a little bit psychic. I bet you have a really good intuition for people. I bet you, when your friends bring over a boyfriend who’s bad news, you know right away, right?”
Then you can say, “Yeah, so what’s your intuition of me?”
And normally, if the connection was good, she’ll say something nice about you.
Now when you do this, you can then use it to transition. By saying something like:
“Are you just saying that to get me to like you? It might be working, just a little bit.”
Now, here’s another variation on cold reading…
Where you can use “cold reading” as an opportunity to tell her she’s attractive.
So here’s an example, you can say:
“You know one of the things I’ve noticed from listening to you a little bit is that you’re a really self-motivated person. Like I bet you are the type of person if there is something you want, you go after it no matter what. Like I bet in high school there was some boy or some cheerleading spotter or dance queen position that you wanted and you just went after it.”
Ok, that’s the setup… now here’s how you use it to compliment her.
“I really like people who stand on their own two feet and take care of themselves and don’t need their friends or family to prop them up. I really think that’s attractive even though I think you are kind of a weirdo.”
So, there is a lot of stuff packed into that.
First, the obvious is you’re telling her you think something is attractive about her…
But then you’re pushing her away a bit with “even though I think you’re a weirdo”
Which is just basic flirting, pulling her toward you, then pushing her away..
Which leaves some tension there.
“Does he like me, does he not like me.”
But, more a subtle thing is you frame her as someone who goes after what they want and doesn’t care what her friends or family think…
Because, let’s face it, a lot of times when a woman is attracted to an “older man:…
One of the things that holds her back is the fear of what her friends or family might think…
So if she agrees that she’s the type of person who goes after what they want, or a boy she wants..
AND she doesn’t need her friends and family’s approval.
She’ll be more likely to be comfortable expressing her interest in you.
Because you just told her you like that quality about her.
See Also
- 25 Things Women Secretly Want You to Do
- 5 Ways to Make Her Work to Win You Over
- How to Make Her Obsessed with You
Technique #4: Bring Her into Your World and Teach Her Things
So the next one is simple, yet so many older guys do the OPPOSITE.
Bring her into your world, know things, and teach her things, WITHOUT being condescending, and without lecturing her.
So most older guys make one of two mistakes…
First, they try to fit into her world, and learn about what she likes….
And here’s the thing, you can’t belittle her for her interests, or try to change her.
And to some degree, at times, you have to lay back and enjoy the things that she enjoys.
But if she’s with an older man, it’s because part of her is looking for something different.
Whether its more interesting conversations then the Tinder guys she’s meeting…
Or just learning something, or feeling like “a big girl” instead of her friends who are getting drunk every weekend.
So a couple examples from clients of mine…
One guy, Tom, he was in his late 40s, dating a girl who was like 26…and he used to go the gun range a lot.
So I told him to bring her…
And he was worried, that she was young, liberal, she might not be into it or worse, she might look down on him for it…
I explained first, never apologize for what you’re into, never try to hide it…
If she’s not into who cares, but i suspected she would be…
SO he wound up taking her one day, teaching her how to shoot, and it turned into one of the best dates they had…
Other things you can teach a woman, are money, money is masculine topic by nature.
And a lot of women really don’t pay attention to stocks and the market and stuff.
So, taking the time to explain things to her, again, without lecturing her.
But in a fun way, you’re giving her the feeling of being a grown up, and that’s what a lot of younger women are looking for.
Again, most guys their age are basically kids, watching stupid tiktok videos…
And as a sidetone, because I know a lot of guys think women only go for “older guys” because of money.
You NEVER want to give a woman money, even if you think you’re helping her out with her rent or whatever.
The minute you give a woman any money, it changes the nature of the relationship and makes it transactional.
Teach her about, but don’t give it to her.
And although politics isn’t something i usually recommend talking about, having an understanding of what’s going on in the world, is sexy to a lot of women.
Again, by nature, women seek out a protector.
And knowing how the world works, it makes her see you as someone who can protect her, and women are biologically programmed to be attracted that type of man.
Trick #5: Have POWER over Yourself
The more power you have over yourself, the more power you have over women.
Having been coaching men for the past 13 years, I see the same thing, where guys come to me looking for things they can do to gain the “upper hand” or “power” over a girl.
This is especially true when its an older guy, and he feels “out of his element” dating a younger woman…
And what I didn’t realize, and what these guys don’t realize, is that when you have control over yourself, when you can control yourself, you automatically gain control over others.
So, let me take a step back and talk about what I mean by “power”. Or upper hand.
The Person Who Cares Less Has More Power
See, the balance of power always swings goes to the person who is least attached to the outcome.
Period.
The person who is least attached to the outcome, will always have the power.
Because you become uncontrollable.
And the woman realizes it very quickly.
And guess what? Women are drawn to men who are not easily controlled.
In fact, part of a woman’s older man fantasy, is that the “older man” has more control over himself, he’s more mature, and he doesn’t give her all the power.
What do I mean by this?
An example is when a girl has been flakey, and unresponsive and then she finally messages you…
And you know you shouldn’t text her back right away.
But you can’t help it, you don’t have control over yourself, so you send the text.
Or when watch what we say around her because we’re so scared to say something wrong…
Or when we don’t go for the kiss because we think ‘she might think it’s too soon’…
Or we agree with her even when we disagree, just so she’ll like us…
It’s any time we change our behavior or avoid doing anything we fear will turn her off, solely out of fear of losing her.
But guess what?
You’re turning her off BY TURNING OFF YOU REAL PERSONALITY.
Because you don’t have control over this fear of losing her, you wind up being too available, too afraid to say no to her, and willing to tolerate crappy behavior.
And that’s ruins the entire “older guy” fantasy for her.
Or here’s another one…
A lot of older guys that come to me, successful guys, when they start dating a younger woman, they start blowing off work, they start deviating plans for her.
So maybe they have a meeting and she’s like “please come with me to my friends party” tonight…
And they wind up going thinking they are getting points.
Which she might enjoy at first, but eventually it becomes a very unattractive quality to her.
Because she realizes she 100% HAS YOU.
Now, I want to be clear…
It’s not about playing games or pretending you don’t like her.
It’s simply about having control and power over yourself.
Being able to delay gratification.
Trick #6: Stay Firmly in the “Masculine Role”
This will piss some women off, probably some guys too.
But I don’t believe women want equality in a relationship.
Here’s why…
Chemistry happens between a man and woman when he’s taking the masculine role and she’s projecting her femininity.
And part of being feminine is taking that weaker role.
It’s why girls pretend they don’t understand sports or make you kill the spider when you’re flirting.
See, if she’s carrying heavy stuff, supporting you, leading you around, she’s losing attraction.
Splitting the check, any of that, makes her feel masculine..
Now its the same when both of you are acting feminine,
Which is why “nice guys” always lose the girl.
“Nice guys” try to bond and get rapport by acting weak and feminine,
And it’s not what she wants.
In fact, the older you are, the more important it is that you take that masculine role with her.
In fact, again, that dominant masculinity is part of her older man fantasy.
Now…
My friend Hank and I have an entire class about this…
We show you how to play into a younger woman’s fantasy so that she’s chasing you, instead of the other way around.
Tap into Her “Older Man” Fantasy
Free Training for “Older Guys”
I just wrapped up a brand new, completely, free live class that I do a couple of times a week with my friend Hank.
It’s called “How to Turn Your Age Into the Ultimate Advantage With Women.”
And it’s specifically geared for guys in their late 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s.
Some of what we cover in the class:
- How to play into a younger woman’s “fantasy” and have her chasing you…
- 3 “older guy” traits that women secretly desire (and exactly how to convey them to her)
- How to position yourself as THE PRIZE (so that a younger woman chases your approval, instead of the other way around)
- How to avoid 5 common “older guy” mistakes that scare a girl away (even if she initially liked you)
- Places to meet younger women (where you have the advantage)
- How to establish a “lover role” BEFORE being her “mentor” (and avoid the friend zone that so many older guys wind up in)
