How to Meet Girls on Tinder

Dating Advice > Tinder Guide
by Coaching Staff • Updated: June 8, 2023

Tinder Dating Tips for Men

You’re on Tinder to meet women.

The challenge that so many people face is how to meet women on Tinder effectively. So many guys try it, don’t have any success and immediately quit.

Some even just spend hours swiping right with optimistic hope, never to find any success and this can lead to seriously low times.

We’ve spent hours diving into research and speaking to both men and women to uncover the truth behind Tinder. We’ll give you the lowdown on exactly what you need to do to not only meet women on Tinder but have them become deeply attracted to you too.

The 2023 Guide to Meeting Girls on Tinder

Supplemental Guides

• Flirting Guide
• Conversation Guide
• Female Attraction Guide
• Understanding Women Guide
• Texting Guide
• Finding a Girlfriend Guide

The Big “Tinder Mistakes” to Avoid

The secret to Tinder is knowing what NOT to do!

Often MISTAKES kill a guys chances for matches and dates.

Once you discover the most common, attraction-destroying Tinder mistakes, you’ll feel as if you’ve been given a treasure map, leading you to everything you hoped Tinder could be. Get your thumbs ready, because the 9 crippling Tinder mistakes below are good as gold.

Tinder Mistake #1: Your Pictures Don’t Tell a Story

If your Tinder pictures don’t tell a story, you’re not giving her a reason to be attracted to you. Without some kind of story, she’s going to assume you’re boring and move on.

The FIX:

You’re story should be simple, but reflect some attractive qualities about you and the lifestyle you lead. If you have pictures that show you’re compassionate, fun, active, or social, you’re going to be light years ahead of all the mirror selfie try-hards and headshot nerds.

Tinder Mistake #2: Your “About Me” Reads like an Autobiographical Book Report (BORING!)

Your “About Me” section shouldn’t be more than one or two lines. Nobody wants to read a report about you reports aren’t sexy.

The FIX:

Make it enticing. Give her a “gray fact” that doesn’t reveal much about you, but makes her want to learn more. If I said, “I won’t talk about that pic from Mexico unless I’ve had (at least) 2 shots of tequila,?wouldn’t you want to know more? Exactly, I prefer Jose Cuervo.

Tinder Mistake #3: You Suffer from TMI-itis

Giving her too much information has probably cost you too many girls (and you probably didn’t even realize it). If she already knows everything about you, what’s the point of going on a date?

The FIX:

Only give her enough to WANT more.

Tinder Mistake #4: Desperately Wants to Show He’s “Different”

If you’re TELLING a girl how different you are from every other guy on Tinder, guess what? YOU’RE THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER GUY ON TINDER.

The FIX:

Letting your personality shine through your messages and pictures is the ONLY way to stand out and how a girl how unique you are. Be a welcome breath of fresh man and SHOW her you’re different, don’t tell her.

Tinder Mistake #5: Falls into the Generic “Every Girl” Trap

The “I’ll go on a date with ANY cute girl” mindset isn’t helping you. You’re just stopping yourself from going on dates with the girls you REALLY want.

The FIX:

Don’t swipe right unless you’re attracted to her! Be polarizing for the girls YOU want. Don’t be afraid to dress in a way that only a certain type of girl will find attractive. If your look or attitude appeals to your “type,” it’ll be MUCH easier to at attract those girls.

Tinder Mistake #6: Tipping Your Hand When Matching With Hot Girls

You may be EXTREMELY attracted to her. You may REALLY like her. But showing her how much is NOT in your best interest.

The FIX:

Have a STRATEGY and stick to it. I’m NOT saying you should have a “copy-and-paste” routine, but you should know which direction to steer the conversation towards and STICK TO IT (don’t fall into the “she’s special” fallacy). If it worked on 10 cute girls, then it’ll also work on that drop-dead gorgeous smokeshow.

Tinder Mistake #7: Joining Her Fan Club

It makes sense that following all on her social media channels will get her to notice you, right? WRONG. This tells her that you’re just like every other guy clamoring for her attention.

The FIX:

Don’t follow her on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or any other social media platform unless you’re dating her. If she friends or follows you, fine, but you should never be the one chasing her across social media.

Tinder Mistake #8: Messages Too Much

Messaging her more will not get you more responses. In fact, it will do the OPPOSITE. The whole purpose of Tinder is to get girls out on a date, not to play “text grab-ass.”

The FIX:

Unless there’s a good reason to break this rule, keep your messages short and to-the-point. One stupid remark can blow your chances for a date and anything you say can and will be used against you. When it comes to messaging, less is almost always more.

Tinder Mistake #9: Doesn’t Learn From His Mistakes

Albert Einstein defined insanity as, “Doing the same thing over again and again and expecting different results.” Well, Einstein would have been awesome on Tinder because would have been constantly tweaking and improving his profile and approach to Tinder.

The FIX:

You, too, should look at Tinder with the mindset of a scientist. If your profile picture isn’t working, swap it out! If you’re not getting a lot of matches, don’t be afraid to seek out help.

This Works on “Dating Apps” Right Now

• Go to EndofDating.com

Step 1: Setting Up Your Tinder Profile

Before you learn to build a connection, you first need to learn how to recognize the opportunity of a conversation. If your profile sucks, you’re probably going to find that you struggle to get good matches in the first place.

So the first step is to upgrade your profile, including your pictures and your bio. This is where it’s important to understand what works on Tinder.

How to Get More Swipes on Tinder

Now you might be thinking, wait how do we know what will work for Tinder? Isn’t it just a guessing game?

Luckily, research has already been conducted and based on 230,000 men and 250,000 women, we have some pretty insightful statistics to help us understand what women really find attractive on Tinder profiles:

• 91% of women only like profiles they?re attracted too
• 35% of guys casually like most profiles compared to 0% of women
• Having 3 or more pictures on your profile improves the number of matches you get

Knowing this it’s worth making your profile as attractive as possible, which means including as many pictures as you can.

3 Pictures You Should Have on Your Profile

Pictures are probably the single most important factor to your profile, and knowing which pictures women like more than others can be boiled down to science. Having these three types of pictures in your Tinder profile will give you the best chance of a swipe right, and give you the opportunity to really win them over.

1. A Picture of You Smiling

Sounds simple enough when you put it like that but a candid photo that shows you naturally smiling can be a real head-turner for women. If you look miserable in your photos, you?re probably not going to get many girls swiping right on you.

Tinder’s own sociologist agrees and stated that smiling will give you a 14% higher chance of getting a right swipe and facing the camera directly will increase your odds of a swipe by 20%.

Girls are instantly more attracted to guys who are smiling, so grab your camera. Bonus points if you can catch yourself candidly in natural lighting, you?re much more likely to be received positively.

2. Create a Show Stopping Picture

This will be the picture that blows them away, and it’s also usually the one that you’ll put at the front of your Tinder profile. As it’s the first one that pops up, it’s what the majority of girls will base their decision on.

How do you make a show-stopping picture? Simple:

• Use a solo shot, not a group picture
• Show confidence
• Dress well
• Make sure it’s in focus, no blur
• Show your face clearly
• Go for a good close up or take a picture from the waist up

Girls will always think you?re the least attractive in a group photo, and blurry images might leave them thinking you?re not who you say you are.

3. Outdoor Activities Are Sexy

When you’ve got the wind blowing through your hair from ascending up a ski-lift or you’re diving into a lake from 10m up, it looks a hell of a lot more exciting than sitting in a bar with your buddies. Having a picture on your profile which shows your wild adventurous side shows how exciting and fun you can be.

This can provoke interesting conversations and even inspire an interesting date idea.

Step 2: Crafting the Perfect Dating App Bio

An important point to remember about bios is they are completely optional, but you’d be mad not to have one in place. This gives you a place to showcase your personality and character to somebody before they swipe on you.

You can use up to 500 words to advertise your sensational personality but honestly, keep it short and sweet. Nothing turns off a girl quicker than War & Peace about how you’re the biggest lothario since Casanova.

Make your Tinder or dating app bio about you, keep it short, to the point and friendly. Bonus points if you can make it funny but don?t strain trying too hard, it comes across.

Step 3: Tinder ‘Matching’ Tip

Swiping on Tinder has changed a lot over the last few years. Nowadays if you are prepared to shell out a few dollars, you can have some serious advantages over the other men in your area.

TIP: Using Tinders Boost Features to Find out Who’s Online Right Now

One game-changing feature introduced by Tinder in recent times is their new boost feature. Tinder boost is a feature you can use once a week, or you pay for extra uses. This awesome feature puts you directly in the front of the queue and can be a gold mine for matches. The women who are swiping during the time your profile is boosted, will come across your profile first.

This leads to a huge increase in matches in a short space of time. It also gives you a little insight into who?s online right away, and who you want to talk to.

2 Types of Tinder Matches

Here are the two most common “matches” you’ll get on Tinder.

1. The Girl Who Matches Straight Away, Has Already Swiped You

If an instant match pops up as you are swiping, it means that girl has previously swiped right on you. Chances are, they?re not online right now.

2. The Girl Who Matches You Shortly After Boosting

These girls are active and swiping right now. You’re probably one of the first people they have swiped across and have matched with. Always try and start the conversation straight away with these women.

THIS Mindset Makes Her Want You

Step 4: What to Say on Tinder to a Girl

Success! You’ve finally matched with some potential women who are exactly what you’ve been looking for. But, how do you take the next step in building a strong connection with them, so that they want to go on a date with you and see you in person?

Your opening sentence can make or break your Tinder conversation so there are a couple of proven tactics that have had a lot of success on Tinder.

First, here are the things you shouldn’t do.

What Not to Say in Your Opener

When you’re opening up a conversation on Tinder, there are a couple of important points to remember to make sure you don’t get ignored, or worse, unmatched straight away!

Make sure not to be creepy or lazy, your match is bound to have lots of different men in her profile so you want to stand out. Most of the guys reaching out to these women will start with the tried and proved to fail “hey” or “how are you?”.

BEST Tinder Conversation Starters

Some of the best Tinder conversation starters available are to ask her a thought-provoking question that requires a response. Think of something along the lines of unconventional compliments, a great name pun, a funny conversation about a future moment you?ll have together or comment on something related to her bio or her pictures.

Tinder conversation starter examples:

1. Hey there, this is your future husband. You should go out with me because you get everything in the divorce. I hate you so much.

2. Hi there, and thank you for matching with [insert your name].
Type 1 for: Generic ‘hi, how you doing?’
Type 2 for: Cheesy chat up line.
Type 3 for: GIFIf you have any other options please press 0 to be connected to an operator.You have selected 0, please provide your phone number and we will be in contact as soon as possible.

3. Titanic.
Sorry, that was a bad icebreaker. What’s up.

4. Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.

5. Hey are you an ideal amount of red phosphorus and am I a proportioned tiny wooden stick? Because we’re a match.

If dad jokes and recycled reddit memes don’t manage to grab their attention, you can follow the next step to build a genuine connection fast.

Step 5: The Secret Recipe for Messaging Girls on Tinder

When it comes to understanding how to get a match on Tinder, what you have to be aware of is that not everyone has the skills to connect with women right now, and that’s ok.

This part of the guide is going to give you all the tools you need to start growing meaningful and deep connections with women you’ve just met.

The recipe for success is based on focusing on 5 different aspects of your conversation.

1. Future: Talk about the future of both of you (i.e. going on a date) and do it straight away.

2. Openness: Encourage honesty and openness so you both feel comfortable.

3. Commonality: Point out and aim to discover common ground.

4.Unity: Instead of being individual (you or her) talk about being together (we, us, our).

5. Sharing: Share experiences, stories, moments and memories with her. Sharing gives a piece of yourself to her and will help her feel more connected to you.

These five separate aspects combine to create the perfect recipe for growing strong, meaningful connections with women, which you can use on Tinder to have her really feeling a strong bond with you.

Now let’s talk about each of these points in more detail to help you to drastically improve the number of women you’ll be connecting with on Tinder, and meeting in real life.

Setting the Future Stage for on going relationship off Tinder

Think about how many Tinder conversations you’ve had that have gone nowhere.

The trouble with many conversations is they have no end goal or “future” planned.

You talk about hobbies, topics you/re interested in, or what you’re up to on the weekend, but after awhile, the conversation runs out, and you’re left with nowhere to go.

What you want to do with any conversation with a woman you’re interested in, is immediately talk about the future.

You want to set the future stage and set a path to exactly where you want to go. You can do this by creating a compelling story about meeting up in the future, i.e. a date.

You can ask a question around a suggestion of a first date such as:

“Jenny, when we go to a cocktail bar on our first date, and we are flirting uncontrollably with each other, do you think we’ll opt for a quiet table in the corner or end up dancing together in front of everybody?”

This means you?re not just talking for the sake of it when she responds it?s on the assumption that you?re heading towards that future you laid out.

Use THIS Technique to Keep a Woman’s Mind on You

• Watch the End of Dating Video

How to Make Your Future Talk Rejection-Proof

When you are talking about the future date, you need to NOT ask her out on a date, you need to tell a story about your date as if it’s already happened or happening.

You want the story of your first date to build itself.

Remember that you’ll have your own style and humor and don’t want to come across artificial.  You’ll also build the story tailored to the women you’re speaking too.

All you need to think about is:

• Where is your date going to be?
• What will you do on the date?
• What are you going to be feeling when on the date?

You can make it as playful, as ridiculous, and as full as banter as you like, this will often help! But doing this will have an incredible impact on her. You’re turning the idea of a date from IF or MAYBE into an absolute WHEN.

Doing this sets up some high expectations, she now is expecting to meet up with you and have a great time!

Step 6: Embracing Openness (Defining the Tinder relationship)

Developing openness in any relationship is an incredible skill that’ll have girls queueing up to date you. How do you define openness?

Think about when you’re chilling around your apartment with your buddies, or chatting over dinner with your family; that’s openness.

The polar opposite of openness is that feeling of tension and awkwardness you get in certain situations.

For example: When you’re in an elevator with a bunch of strangers, nobody wants to speak and you could cut the tension with a knife.

If you can develop the skill to turn the elevator environment into your home environment, it wouldn’t be so awkward. You want to create a sense of openness between you and the women you’re talking to.

What makes openness attractive? By creating an environment that is completely open, honest, authentic, non-judgemental, and trusting environment, people feel comfortable being themselves.

Top Ways to Mess Up Your Tinder Conversation and Create a Bad Atmosphere

• Starting the conversation softly with a “Hi” or “What?s up?”
• Not being able to tell the women what you like about her
• Responding to a compliment with shyness
• Not making it clear until the last minute that you want to go on a date with her

Top Ways of How to Talk to Women on Tinder 

• Start your conversation up warm, start off as if you’re both way beyond the introductions phase i.e. start as if you’re good friends already and you’re in the middle of a discussion
• Confidently tell her what you like about her and know that she is attracted to you as much as you are to her
• Let yourself show off that unique part of your personality that you wouldn’t usually show
• Be calm and know what’s happening, pick up on her giving you any signals that she likes you and act on them, fast.
• Confidently talk about the topic of your future meet-up

The golden rule to remember with Tinder is you’re both there for a reason, to match and meet someone.

Perfect Phrase to Ask Her Out of Tinder

• Download 88 Ways to Read Her Mind

Step 7: Building that Common Bond off Tinder

You’ll see all the time that most girls are attracted to someone that is similar to themselves. It’s the way we work, we like people who are similar to us.

Building a common bond is all about highlighting what you have in common with each other, so you can show her that you are similar.

One technique you can use is to try and be flirty through your tinder conversation.

Examples of Flirty Tinder Conversations:

• Pick something in her pictures or bio that you can share a common bond with
• Give her a compliment based on that
• Setup a playful challenge that is related to both of the above

This highlights commonalities between you and her, but also adds an element of flirtiness to the conversation.

An Example of Flirty Talk, Tied to Building a Common Bond

Let’s say for example you’ve got a girl who you match with.

Her bio mentions rock climbing and has a picture of her on a climbing wall in her picture. It just so happens you’re into climbing too. “Great! A common bond!”

Using the 3 steps above you would say something like:

“Jenny, as toned as your legs look posing in that picture, I have concerns they’re just for show and you’re not going to be able to keep up with me when we?re climbing this weekend.”

You incorporate the common bond and make sure to talk about the future, and the challenge creates a flirty environment that is open and comfortable. A wink emoji can always go a long way to give her the sense you’re flirting too.

More on flirty conversation:

• 13 Flirty Lines to Increase Her Attraction
• A guide to verbal foreplay
• 10 Banter Lines to Use

Step 8: Building the Unity Bond

When a girl first matches with you, unless you accidentally hooked up at her sister’s wedding, she’s not going to know you.

You’ll be a stranger to her.

This means she is seeing you as separate, you and her. You need to get her to see you together, not separate. Now, this kind of bond comes naturally as your conversation progresses, when you talk about anything you are going to naturally become closer and start to build that bond.

However, you don’t want to gently progress to getting closer over time, you want her to be deeply attracted to you right away.

This happens when she feels united with you.

When things start to go well in a conversation, you get certain words that crop up in her conversation with you; We/Us/Team/Our/Pair are all words that symbolise unity and tell you she is looking at you, consciously or subconsciously as a bonded unit.

Understanding and spotting the use of these words doesn’t mean you can jump for joy and that you’ve made it, but just being aware of it gives you an advantage. It’s pretty rare for women to use these types of words if she isn’t feeling bonded with you, so it’s a good sign!

One thing you can do to try and accelerate this process is to use these words as much as possible when you’re with someone you want to unite with.

This technique is widely known throughout the world, used by business professionals, pick-up artists and even Barack Obama.

Another technique to build strong bonds is to use nicknames for one another. If you come up with a nickname that reminds you of a situation or event, that can help to build that secret language bond which will build a strong connection between you.

Try not to force this and just be aware of funny conversations and awareness and it’ll help to build a deeper bond.

See Also: 15 Texts She’ll Send and What They Secretly Reveal

Step 9: Sharing Conversation on Tinder

When you’re building a strong connection with women, sharing isn’t about gifts or rewards, it’s about sharing experiences.

Doing things together like eating, moving, co-creating, learning, losing, conquering, and especially feeling emotion together, are an incredible way to build that bond.

First dates are an amazing chance to start building these bonds.

Examples of great Tinder date ideas:

• Salsa dancing classes
• Taking a hike up a mountain
• Watching a powerful emotive movie together
• Working together on a project that?s fun or challenging

You want to really be giving the gift of how awesome you are to your women. In dating and life, if you can be the person providing perceived value, you’ll be winning.

You want to always be adding value to a women’s life in some way. This will boost your confidence and self-worth while winning her over too.

When you start to think of the ways you can add value, it’s really not too hard.

Here are some examples of ways to add value:

• Brighten up her day with a smile or a compliment
• Make your first date memorable
• Help her fulfill an experience she’s been wanting to try
• Create memories of something like a weekend away
• Listening to her

The key is to give without expecting anything in return. However, remember, when adding value you don’t want to let someone walk all over you.

You can always try to start off with a compliment, just make sure it?s sincere, unique and deep.

Tinder Mastery Is Yours for the Taking

Now that you’ve got all the information, it’s time to put your new found knowledge to the test and go out and meet some women. Remember that if you can do nothing else, use the skills of future talk to build a shared future with your matches and do everything you can to create a meaningful connection.

If you can do that, you’ll never have to worry about a Tinder date again.