The #1 Secret to Sparking Chemistry with a Girl

Dating Advice > Attraction > Chemistry
by Bobby Rio • Updated: August 3, 2022

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how to create chemistry with a girl

Can You Create “Chemistry” with a Woman?

A lot of guys think that chemistry is this mystical magical thing, but there is actually a reliable way to spark it, with any woman, it has to do with YOU brining out her feminine side, and I’m going to reveal the secret in this article.

Hi, I’m Bobby Rio, and for 13 years now, I’ve been coaching men on how to create attraction and keep a woman’s interest (because keeping her interest is just as hard as sparking that interest.)

But one of the things men are continually confused about is this idea of why we have chemistry with certain women, and not others.

Or why a girl, who we thought things went well, later tells us she didn’t feel a spark.

Here’s the Secret of Chemistry

So, let me explain the secret of chemistry.

The secret of chemistry is when masculinity and femininity come together.  When that happens, sparks fly.

What do I mean by this?

The Masculine and Feminine Roles Explained

So, there’s a masculine role and a feminine role.  And where men lose a woman’s attraction is when the man doesn’t take the masculine role with her.

What do I mean by that?

Here are some examples of NOT taking the masculine role.

He leaves the decision making up to her, he lets her lead the vibe.

What I mean by that is he waits for her to start flirting or get intimate, almost like he’s waiting for her permission to take things to the next level.

If she’s the one suggesting where to go or what to do, or worse, she’s the one who has to hold up a big sign that says “ITS OK to KISS ME”

When a girl is leading you, when you sense she’s controlling the vibe between you, that almost always ends with you in the friend zone.

Taking the Feminine Role Never Creates Chemistry

Guys will also take on the feminine role and try really hard to connect with a girl, or listen to her problems, or show how much you guys have in common, and that’s fine if you just want to be friends…

I often tell the story of a time I met this adorable girl, she looked like a super young Marisa Tomei, just really cute.

And she was into health food and a vegetarian and all of that.  And I’m very into that too, so I’m at a part with her, and for forty-five minutes were in complete rapport, talking about all of it.

Then she leaves to go the bathroom.  And 10 minutes, 20 minutes, I’m standing there waiting for her to come back.

After about an hour, I’m like where is she…  So I go upstairs, and I open a door, and she’s making out with some other guy.

This guy, I knew him, and he’s like the complete opposite of a vegetarian health food guy.

But see, I was trying to create chemistry by bonding over femininity, and that’s NOT how it happens.

Taking the Masculine Role Sparks Chemistry

For a woman to feel a strong level of chemistry toward you, you’ve got to take the masculine role early in your encounters with her.

So, in my case, after a couple minutes of talking to her about health food, I needed to take control, change the subject, start flirting, and lead the vibe in a more intimate direction.

Now, here’s the thing… when you do this, you’ve got to be firm with it.

Because women will test you.

They will do or say things to get a reaction out of you, to make you lose your cool.  She might make a joke that’s like a little jab at you, do you get but hurt?

If she makes a comment about another guy do you seem jealous and upset?

If she says something like “I’m not going to sleep with you tonight” do you start explaining yourself or even apologizing…

If so, you FAILED the test..

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Being Masculine Requires Two Things

Being masculine is really about two things.

First, its about leading her instead of being led.  Take the risk, don’t make her take it, even if she does, she’ll resent you for it later.

I’ve been with girls where I was too chicken to go for the kiss and they wound up going for it and we kissed, but in every case, they lost attraction quickly after that…

The Second part of being masculine is having boundaries. If a woman feels like she can walk all over you and you’ll still be into her, it’s over.

One thing, my friend Rob Judge and I always say is “never reward bad behavior”…

What this means is, if a woman is being flaky, rude, canceling on you, or just treating your time like it doesn’t matter, and you REWARD HER with more attention, or gifts or compliments, you’ll lose all value in her eyes.

And again, she’s going to test you, so be prepared, how much can I get away with him?  How into me is he?

If I’m texting on my phone the whole time we’re together, will he politely tell me to put my phone away or will he put up with it like my little puppy dog.

Here’s the deal…

A girl will have a really hard time staying attracted to you if she sees you as being weak, or the type of guy she can easily control or manipulate.

Now, on the other hand, if you have a strong masculine presence she will feel chemistry toward you.

And this doesn’t mean you have to be some alpha male, jacked up, loud badboy. In fact there are plenty of introverted computer programmer type of guys who get this right.

Be Comfortable in the Dominant Role

It just means you are comfortable in the more dominant role.  And when a woman meets you, she can immediately tell you place a lot of value on yourself, that she can’t emotionally control you.

When a woman meets a guy like this, even if he’s not her normal type, she’ll still feel attraction toward him, she can’t help it.

See, the secret to chemistry is that the more of the masculine role you take on, the more it brings out her feminine side.

And when a girl is acting out her feminine side, it just feels right for her, and she chalks it up to “we just have this chemistry”

Now, nice guys are notorious for being scared to take on that strong masculine role, or they just don’t know how to do it.

And this is why women never feel the spark with them.

So one question I always ask a guy is how far on the “nice guy” spectrum are you?  Because one of the big reasons “nice guys” don’t do well with girls is because they usually take the feminine role…

5 Ways to Project the “Masculine Vibe”

How much of a “nice guy” are you?

Well, if you’re not sure, I have a short 10 question quiz below, where you’ll answer a series of short questions, and then you’ll get a customized description of where you fall on the nice guy spectrum, and more importantly, it will tell you the areas you need to improve…

Take the “Nice Guy” Quiz