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How do you have real power over a woman
How do always have the upper hand, well, the answer will surprise you because it has nothing to do with her, and everything to with YOU.
I’ll explain your #1 source of power over any woman in this article.
When we talk about relationships with women, true power is the control you have over yourself, not her.
Power Over Yourself = Power Over Women
The more power you have over yourself, the more power you have over women.
I’ll explain what I mean in a second.
And now that I’ve been coaching men for the past 13 years, I see the same thing, where guys come to me looking for things they can do to gain the “upper hand” or “power” over a girl.
And what I didn’t realize, and what these guys don’t realize, is that when you have control over yourself, when you can control yourself, you automatically gain control over others.
So, let me take a step back and talk about what I mean by “power”. Or upper hand.
The Person Who Cares Less Has More Power
See, the balance of power always swings goes to the person who is least attached to the outcome.
The person who is least attached to the outcome, will always have the power.
Because you become uncontrollable. And the other person realizes it very quickly.
And guess what? Women are drawn to men who are not easily controlled.
So, I want to give you 5 ways to harness this power over yourself, to make women naturally chase you, and gravitate toward you.
#1: The Power to Non React to Her
First, is, the power to NOT react. What do I mean by ‘not react’?
I mean that when we get frazzled, we make bad decisions and are weaknesses come out.
And what’s worse, is that women instinctively know this, so they purposely try to rattle us.
This is why women “test” men.
So as an example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and she looks at you, and she says, “You know, you would look better without a beard. I don’t know why guys have beards.”
In that moment, if you react, you hand her all the power. If you say, “really? I like my beard, a lot of women like it, Ben Afflect has a beard, and you try to convince or explain your choice, you’re reacting, and you’re showing her that she has control over her.
And you’re doing this because you don’t have control over yourself.
You’re reacting, instead of acting from a place of control.
So if a girl says you would look better without a beard. How you should handle it? Simply say, thanks for the advice, smile and move on.
Another example of reacting is when a girl has been flakey, and unresponsive and then she finally messages you, and you know you shouldn’t text her back right away, but you can’t help it, you don’t have control over yourself, so you send the text.
Again, it’s the power and control you have over yourself that wins you the game, not the power you have over her.
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#2: Controlling Your Fear of Losing Her
Next, is controlling your fear of losing her.
One of the reasons we tend to give away so much power is because we are afraid of losing a girl, so we play it safe.
We watch what we say around her, we don’t go for the kiss because we think ‘she might think it’s too soon’, we agree with her even when we disagree, just so she’ll like us.
We don’t want to lose her, so we change a lot of things about our behavior to avoid doing anything that will turn her off.
But guess what, you’re turning her off BY TURNING OFF YOU REAL PERSONALITY.
Because you don’t have control over this fear of losing her, you wind up being too available, too afraid to say no to her, willing to tolerate crappy behavior.
But if you had control over that fear of losing her, all these mistakes, this unattractive behavior of yours, would instantly disappear, and you’d have a whole lot more power in the relationship.
Here’s another example of what this looks like…
So, imagine you’ve been dating this woman, and things are going well. But you’re out with a few of your friends, and your friends start talking about how all these girls are on Tinder now, and every girl is juggling five guys… And when you hear this, you panic, you get scared, fear takes over, you think she’ll forget about you, or worse, maybe she’s with another guy right now.
So instead of enjoying your guy’s night, you wind up texting her just to “check in”. Just to make sure she doesn’t forget about you. Why are you texting her? Because you need reassurance.
That is the definition of being a needy guy. The need for reassurance.
#3: Stop Deviating Your Plans for a Woman
Here’s the next one, the power to not deviate for her. This means she is part of your life, but your entire life.
So, imagine there is a woman you’ve been dating and you really like her. And she messages you asking if you can hang out Sunday night. But you had already told your dad you were going to watch the football game with him.
Now, your dad would understand if you canceled. So, it’s easy to justify canceling, but once you do that, you’re deviating your life for her.
Which she might enjoy at first, but eventually it becomes a very unattractive quality to her.
Because she realizes she 100% HAS YOU.
See, it’s not about playing games or pretending you don’t like her, its simply about having control and power over yourself.
Being able to delay gratification.
It’s really like this with everything. Getting in shape or losing weight is WAY MORE about the control you have over yourself then it is about exercise or diet, right?
So how else do you gain control over yourself?
#4: Be Comfortable with Uncertainty with a Girl
You have to be OK in the grey area, you have to be OK with uncertainty.
See, there is never a guarantee everything will work out. When you walk up and approach a woman she may reject you, she may tell you she has a boyfriend, when you’re dating a girl, she may get back with her ex, she may decide you’re not her type.
These are things you don’t have much control over.
So, you have to give up your need to control the outcome.
When you start dating a new woman, you have to say to yourself, this may or may not work out, but either way, I’m going to do my best to enjoy the experience and learn from it.
I’m going to be curious about her, try to get to know her, enjoy my time with her, and if it doesn’t go anywhere, that’s ok. I’ll survive with or without her.
See, a lot of neediness stems from being uncomfortable in the grey area where you’re not sure where you stand with her. So, you try to lock things down as quickly as possible, solidify it so you can relax.
But the more comfortable you are with uncertainty, the more attractive you become to women.
#5: Develop an Abundance Mentality with Women
Ok, next, is the abundance mentality, you have to have options.
It’s hard to have control over yourself when you live in a scarcity mindset. When you think she is the only girl who will like me, it’s impossible to be un-attached to the outcome.
The more options you have, the more power and control you have over yourself naturally.
The fact is, women have a lot of options, and this scares some guys. But the truth is, men have just as many options, and this scares a lot of women.
It still surprises me when I’m working with a client and he tells me he’s not on dating apps. Because I’m like, “it is so much easier to make the right moves, when you have options.”
It’s so much easier to have control over yourself when you’re talking to multiple women.
If you haven’t watched the video yet, my friend, Rob Judge, he’s literally the master at dating apps, but he’s got a video.
Make sure you watch it because you have to be on dating apps nowadays. You absolutely have to be. Even if you don’t want to be, you must be, because literally almost every woman you meet will be on these sites.
You want to be on these dating sites.
- A) Because you will meet more women. I mean, like my clients. Guys in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s. I mean, these guys are killing it on sites like Tinder, and Bumble, and all that. It does come down to presenting yourself the right way and all that sort of stuff.
Endofmen.com, you should watch that video.
You got to be on these sites because it fosters the abundant mentality.
And having an abundance mentality, eliminates your fear of losing her, it makes you less likely to react, less like to deviate for her, and it makes you a whole lot more comfortable in the grey area.
And ultimately, that’s how you have power over yourself, which in turn, gives you power over women.
Like I said, if you haven’t watched Rob’s video on dating apps, you really need to watch that because it will help foster this mentality of abundance.