Handling Women’s Tests
I want to tell you a story about the exact moment I learned to love being tested by a woman.
It wasn’t always this way. In fact, long ago I was clueless to the fact that women were actually testing men. I thought that when women got bitchy, demanding, or sarcastic that they were signaling to me that they were not interested.
And wouldn’t that naturally mean that you have to amp up your interest level and try harder to win her over?
You would think so… but when I started paying closer attention I started to notice:
1.) Showing more interest, coddling her, or apologizing only seems to push her further away.
2.) The more she “got away with” the less respect she seemed to have for me.
The few times that I actually stood up to them they seemed to do an almost immediate 180 degree shift.
A few years back I was on vacation in Mexico with this girl Nicole who I had been dating for awhile, but had only just recently took it to a physical level. I was extremely into this girl, and once I finally advanced to a physical level, I was extremely fearful of doing anything that would ruin it.
Like a puppy dog, I would bring her breakfast in bed. When she got snippy I would shut up and take it. When she made rude comments about some of my friends who were on vacation with us, I obediently agreed.
When She Starts to “Test” You
What started out as a dream week… was slowly turning into a disaster. While outwardly nothing changed in our new blossoming relationship, I sensed that she was losing all respect for me. Even worse, I felt helpless to do anything about.
She had me… and she knew it.
I was too terrified of doing anything that might offend her that I was quickly burying my chances of taking the relationship further.
But by this time, talk was way too cheap.
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By the end of the week, I had pretty much already mentally come to the conclusion that I blew it. I sensed her slipping away, and had basically accepted this as my fate.
What was interesting is that once I accepted that the fling was probably going to end once the vacation ended… I felt weirdly liberated.
The last day of our trip the two of us got into a debate about our flight home. A flight had opened up that would allow us to take a more direct flight back to the United States. But the problem was that only two people could take the flight. This meant that I would be separated from my friends, and that I would get to take the good flight, while my friend’s were stuck on the shitty flight.
Since I had basically resolved to losing her, I figured I would rather fly home with my friends, then risk upsetting them for a girl I was about to lose anyway.
I told my girl I preferred we fly home with my friends on the longer flight.
This set her off into a bitchy and sarcastic mood. The entire ride to airport she was silent. She would barely look at me.
When we got to the airport she was walking fast, leaving my friends behind, and continually telling me “hurry up.”
Finally I had enough. I stopped dead in my tracks and said:
“I came down here with my friends. I’m not going to leave them. In fact, I don’t want to leave them. If you do… fine. Go home by yourself. ”
At that point I turned I left her and walked back towards my friends.
She walked ahead by herself.
I walked behind her for awhile waiting for my friends to catch up. I noticed that she began walking slower and slower.
Finally she was stopped and was waiting for me.
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The Power of Passing a Girl’s Test
When I caught up, there was a completely different look in her eyes. She began talking to me the way she had been earlier in the week before she turned cold and distant. She tried to put her arm around me and get me to forgive her.
Instead I turned my head, and silently kept walking.
By the time we got on plane she was nearly in tears. She was all over me. The more I pushed her away the more she came onto me.
With one small interaction, I had completely reprogrammed the entire balance of our relationship.
It was at that point, I saw the full power of correctly handling women’s tests.
I am now a firm believer that if you can recognize the different tests that women give you, you can use them to actually increase attraction.
Where I used to believe that if a woman was bitchy or sarcastic she wasn’t interested, I now believe when a girl is super nice… chances are she is indifferent towards you.
This is especially true early into an interaction with a woman. When she starts saying things like “you are jerk” or “player” she is testing you to see how you will handle yourself under confrontation.
Will you fly off the handle in anger?
Will you bow down to her?
Will you resort to lying?
Will you put your tail between your legs and leave?
Women are going to do things to see if you are congruent.
They are trying to shut down your game… they don’t want to be open to your escalation till they know if you’re worth it. They want to make you work for it.