Dating > Attraction > No Contact Rule
by Chris Anderson • Updated: August 08, 2022
See Also
- The Secret Psychology of Ignoring a Girl
- 99% of Girls Chase You When You Say “THIS”
- #1 Ways to Charm a Girl (and keeps her pursuing you)
3 Steps to Make “NO CONTACT” More Powerful
When you’re using the “no-contact” technique to re-attract a woman, the basic concept is simple: do not communicate with her at all.
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- But what happens if you run into her at work?
- What if you see her in your social circle?
- What happens if she’s messaging you?
In this article, we’ll go over 3 ways to make “no-contact” more effective.
For a quick explanation, the “no contact rule” is used when you’re trying to re-ignite attraction in a girl or get an ex-girlfriend back.
You are stopping all communication with them for a set period of time.
However, there are a few rules to make sure you do “no contact” right. And you absolutely must avoid the big mistakes men make when a woman “pulls away”.
“No Contact” Rule #1: Fade Into “No-Contact”
Let’s say a guy has liked a girl for a while. He confesses his feelings and gets the “friend zone” speech.
Or a guy is dating a girl and she becomes less enthusiastic.
If you start “no-contact” right after something bad happens, the girl thinks, “He must have disappeared because he’s upset. He’s probably in his room crying.”
So when something bad happens (like a “friend zone” speech or the woman pulling away), wait seven to ten days.
Act like everything’s normal. If she texts you, reply like you normally would.
But once those seven-to-ten days pass… BOOM: begin “no-contact.”
When we teach our program Unlock the Scrambler, one of the important steps is the “blackout” phase, which is a period of “no-contact.” It’s important in resetting her impression of you.
A lot of times you’re in this position in the first place because you made mistakes:
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- You came on too strong.
- You acted too needy.
- You were too much of a nice guy.
Why “No Contact” Works
“No-contact” gives you a chance to change her opinion. It gives you space to get back to a place of higher status in her eyes.
However, if she thinks you’re angry at her, it undercuts the entire process.
She’ll think, “He’s not contacting me because he’s hurt. He’s super into me and he’s upset that I rejected him, so he’s ignoring me.”
If she knows you’re doing the “blackout” as a reaction to her, she still has control over you.
She’ll think, “I’ve got him. I know I have him,” because it’s clear that you care too much.
That defeats the entire purpose.
When done correctly, the purpose of “no-contact” is to make her think, “Maybe he’s not this nice, needy guy like I thought.”
So don’t start the “no-contact” immediately after a bad moment. The seven-to-ten day period of acting normal is key.
Now she won’t suspect that you’re angry about the “friend zone” speech or because she’s “pulling away”.
Instead, she’ll assume YOU must be the one losing interest
5 Weird Reasons She Lost Attraction
“No Contact” Rule #2: Use “Polite Indifference”
Let’s say you’ve started “no-contact,” but you’re going to see her at a social event.
If you blatantly ignore her while she’s in the same room, that will make you seem mad. You’ll seem like a butt-hurt guy being passive-aggressive by trying to ignore her.
If you look like you’re trying to do it, it reveals that you care way too much.
There’s nothing attractive about being butt-hurt.
Instead, when you’re in the same room with her, use “polite indifference.”
You’re not ignoring her, you’re being polite.
But you’re being slightly “different”
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- You’re not as excited as you used to be.
- You’re not putting in as much effort.
- You’re ending the conversation first.
What happens if she contacts you during “no contact”?
In the past, a text from her would have gotten you texting back until 2 in the morning.
If you guys went on a date in the past, you’d try to make it last as long as you could.
Contrast that now by letting her contact you, talk with her just a little, then be the one to end things first.
Get Back to “Break Even”
Don’t start “no-contact” right when you’ve been acting needy and seeking her approval. Instead, do a technique that I call “get back to break-even.”
For example, if a woman was putting in less effort into the interactions and never worked to keep a conversation going, then that’s going to be your attitude now.
If she says, “Hey, how’s your day going? What are you up to?” you can answer the question, but you’re not going to try to keep the conversation going.
You don’t look mad, you look like a guy who lost interest.
“No-Initiation” vs. “No Contact”
Instead of “no-contact,” you could call this version of the technique “no-initiation.”
Don’t initiate anything with her. When she initiates communication with you, you’re going to put in less effort.
Treat her the way you would treat a woman at work who you have no interest in. You’re not mean to her. You’re going to talk to her when she asks, “How’s it going?” Then you’re going to put out the vibe that you want to go talk to someone else, and you’re going to say, “Gotta go.”
Let her think, “Oh, he’s not as into me as he used to be.”
No Contact Rule #3: Confusion is More Powerful
Confusion is a huge factor when it comes to attraction.
The more she can’t figure you out, the more she thinks about you.
And the more she thinks about you, the more prone she is to become infatuated.
Remember the TV show Lost? The whole concept was built about the audience wondering what was happening. “Is this a dream? Are they time traveling? Does the island make your fears come true?”
If the answers had all been known from the beginning, the show wouldn’t have been able to pull in an audience. It was the constant wondering that made the show a hit.
Similarly, one of your goals with “no-contact” is to create mysteries for a woman to wonder about.
2 Mysterious to Create with “No Contact”
If you disappear completely, you create a mystery where she can wonder, “Where did he go? What’s he doing?”
But you can create an even more confusing mystery if you’re still around but she doesn’t understand why you’re acting differently.
Some women know that guys will use “no-contact” after a breakup, so this will be more effective. Plus, since she’s still seeing you, it gives you a platform to display non-needy behaviors.
Example of “No Contact” When She Calls
Let’s say your ex calls you.
The old way of doing it is to simply not answer the phone.
Instead, answer and say, “Hey, what’s up?” like you normally would’ve done.
Talk to her for about a minute. Then say, “Hey, listen, I was actually just in the middle of something. Can I call you back in like five minutes?”
Then don’t call her back.
That creates an experience of emotions for her.
First, she feels relief that things seem to be back to normal.
Then an hour goes by and she realizes, “Oh, he hasn’t called back yet.”
She’ll be looking at her phone as the hours pass, thinking, “He never called. What’s going on?”
The key is you’re not doing anything mean. She broke up with you, so you guys aren’t an item. There’s no contract that says you have to call her back.
See Also
- 4 Ways to Stop a Girl from Getting Bored
- The #1 Way to Have Power Over a Woman
- 5 Ways to Make a Girl Miss You
Using the “Friend zone” to Your Advantage
When a women rejects you but says, “I still want to be friends with you,” many guys make the mistake of saying, “No.”
That throws away one of the most important factors in getting a woman back: access.
Being in the “friend zone” gives you access to her. Then you can make the transition to showing her more attractive behaviors.
If you don’t know how to use the “friend zone” to transition to sexuality, then Chris Anderson and I have a class that you should take.
The Friend She Falls in Love With
This is a completely free class.
First, we help you understand why you ended up in the “friend zone”.
A lot of times it’s that you didn’t capitalize on things when she liked you.
Other times it’s that you showed too much interest.
Then Chris Anderson is going to walk you through his three steps to transition from being her friend to being the friend she falls in love with.
It’s a technique for subtly building attraction and reversing your mistakes.
It works on a female friend, an ex-girlfriend, a girl at work, or any similar situation.
Once you learn this technique, it becomes really fun to have girls around as friends while knowing that you can take it to the relationship level if you want to.
