What Women Want in Bed- 10 Ways to Instantly Be Better in Bed

Dating Advice > Sex & Foreplay Guide
by Coaching Staff  • Updated: June 8, 2023

what women want in bed

It’s an uncomfortable truth…

If you’re unable to please a woman in bedit will cause friction in the relationship.

You could be the nicest, funniest man – and this might be enough to make her put up with you – but it’ll still leave her with a lingering feeling of what she’s missing out on.

Even if she doesn’t admit it…

The good news is that EVERYONE can learn how to please a woman. And this guide will tell you exactly what women want in bed.

The 2023 Sex & Foreplay Guide

Check out our other guides:

  • The Attraction Guide
  • The Female Arousal Guide
  • The Texting Guide
  • The Tinder & Dating App Guide
  • The Flirting Guide
  • The Conversation Guide
  • The Guide to Get a Girlfriend
  • The Psychology of Attraction Guide
  • The Guide to Reading Women’s Signs

10 Ways to Instantly Be a Better Lover in Bed

There are a few things which almost EVERY woman wishes men did more of in bed. he following tips can all be improved with practice, provided you have these foundations in place.  And none of them require you to have a big penis, six-pack abs or the stamina of an Olympian.

Here’s what women want in bed.

#1: Get Her to Orgasm Before Intercourse Starts

Above anything else, women get turned on by anticipation.

And the longer you draw it out, the more intense her eventual orgasm will be.

If you can give her an orgasm before you penetrate her, then it’s GUARANTEED to be good sex in her book, even if you don’t last as long as you’d like.

And on top of this, giving her an orgasm will make her more responsive and MUCH more likely to have another orgasm during intercourse.

Use Arousing “Touch”

When you think of foreplay, you probably think blow jobs, sucking on tits and licking or fingering the pussy. The common mistake is expecting these things alone will generate arousal in a woman.

Arousal is the root of a woman’s orgasm. Bringing a woman to the height of arousal usually guarantees she will orgasm during sex. I say usually because a very small percentage of women may have hang-ups or physical impediments to orgasm.

Women have various erogenous zones, but you need to see her entire body as one. Every touch should stir arousal and pleasure, with special emphasis on specific points, like the neck/shoulders, lower back and thighs.

Your hands should always be massaging when you touch her. Women are often aroused during massage visits. This means a firm hand, with constant, solid pressure, moving purposefully.

Your hands should be relaxing her as you touch.

Remember, this isn’t about literally giving a massage, simply a “sensual massage” mentality when you are touching her, anywhere.

Use Arousing Kisses

Kissing a woman is highly erotic and arousing. Kissing should follow the same idea as the massaging touch.

When kissing her mouth, you better have your kiss technique down. Women are turned on by a great kisser. A great kiss is not too “wet”, too aggressive or too “weak”. Firm kissing, with tongue play, as well as slight, grazing nibbles on her lips do the trick. You should be exploring every part of her mouth as you kiss.

The same technique should be applied as you kiss her body.

Primarily, her neck is going to be a great area to build arousal. The nape of her neck to midway along her shoulder is a prime area for kissing that drives many women wild.

Kissing her body should be a combination of firm lip pressure, soft flicks of the tongue to tease, and soft, “biting” grazes with the teeth.

This mix of stimulus will feed various pleasure sensations to her, generating arousal.

#2: Pay Attention to Her Non-Obvious Erogenous Zones

Most men only pay attention to the “obvious” spots on a woman’s body when trying to give her sexual pleasure, like the breasts, clitoris and g-spot. But women don’t want you to ONLY pay attention to these spots, they want you to pay attention to their WHOLE BODY.

This is because there are other “hidden” erogenous zones on her body which can give her pleasure, and which can actually make her MORE sensitive to vaginal stimulation.

3 Example of Erogenous Zones

Here is a brief guide to the less talked about spots that get her hot and bothered. Most men don’t realize how powerful these spots can be, so chances are you’ll be one of the few guys who takes the time to explore these areas adding to your allure as a great lover.

Slide your hands around her shoulders– The area from the back and sides of the neck to the ends of the shoulder blades is one of the most erogenous zones in a womans body. This is particularly powerful if you’re standing behind her.

Navigate around her navel– The tension a woman feels as you stroke and kiss the area from her rib cage down to the top of her pubic V, is exhilarating. The longer you withhold making your way to her pubic region, the more turned on shell be when you finally get there.

Caress behind her knees– The skin behind the knees is thin and soft and responsive to touch because nerves are so close to the surface.

These are just a few examples of non-obvious erogenous zones you should be exploring on her body.

What Women Want in Bed: How to Start Touching Her Early

#3: Be More Dominant

The very nature of sex places men and women into roles. Men penetrate, women receive. This base psychology positions men as dominant. Granted, some women take the dominant role in bed, but generally it is up to men.

When things are turning to intimacy, use dominant control to guide the encounter. Build her comfort level through command.

Examples of Dominance

  • “Kiss me.”
  • “Take your clothes off.”
  • “Lay down on the bed.”
  • “Open your legs.”

Again, you are not demanding, you are commanding. There is no harshness or overt aggression. If you have maintained this control throughout, she is used to complying. Use this to make her tell you what she wants as well.

More Examples of Dominance

  • “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
  • “You want me to eat your pussy, don?t you?”
  • “You want to feel my cock inside you, yes?”
  • “Do you want to cum for me?”

These direct her to answer, even beg, for what she wants.  In fact, the more you take the dominant, masculine role, the more likely it is she’ll feel chemistry with you.

#4: Last Longer in Bed

Women HATE it when a man shoots off too soon because it prevents them from having orgasms.

How would you feel if a woman got YOU close to an orgasm, then all of a sudden stopped, rolled over, and went to sleep?

You need to know how to last 30 minutes in bed AT THE MINIMUM. Now of course you can have a “quickie” once in a while, but most of the time women will need a minimum of 30 minutes of intercourse to have multiple orgasms.

Using Kegel Exercises to Last Longer

Kegel exercises are extremely simple to do, once you know which muscles to target.

The next time you’re urinating, try to stop or slow down the flow of your pee. I know it sounds a little weird, but I promise it works. the muscles used to stop urination is your pelvic floor muscle! Squeezing these muscles gives a pulling sensation, so once you feel it and you can stop the flow of your urine, you’ve found the right muscles!

Once your pelvic floor muscles are strong, you’ll have the ability to stop yourself from ejaculating!

To do this though, you HAVE to be in full control and hold a tight kegel contraction for at least 10 seconds.

Once you can do that?these next three steps will be cake!

3 Steps to Prevent Ejaculation

1.) Just as you’re about to cum and are at the point of no return?contract the muscles for a kegel. Do this when you can actually feel the semen moving through your junk and ejaculation just cant be avoided.

2.) Hold the contraction for about 10 seconds or more, if you are strong enough =)

3.)  After the urge to cum all over the place has gone away, release the kegel.

The hardest part of all this is building your pelvic floor muscles so they are strong enough to take the pressure of ejaculating.

#5: Tease Her Until She Begs for It

As I mentioned above, your most powerful weapon in the bedroom is ANTICIPATION.

Girls LOVE to be teased… WAAAAY more than men! And the longer you take to do EVERYTHING… the HOTTER and MORE TURNED ON your girl is gonna get!

Tease her until she’s pleading with you to give her more and THEN give her the gratification. She’ll enjoy it about a hundred times more.

3 Examples of How to Tease a Woman in the Bedroom

1.) As you are kissing her, rub your hands firmly up and down her back. Once you’ve been kissing for several minutes, work your fingers under the bottom of her shirt, and circle back to her stomach, still kissing, but alternating between her lips, neck, and ear lobes.

2.) Once her shirt is off, slowly progress your kissing downward towards her breasts, kissing the upper area, and still rubbing her lower body with your hands. Gently but firmly, pin her arms above her head and hold them there with one hand while you caress her body with your other, still kissing all over. Girls LOVE this!

3.) DO NOT GO STRAIGHT FOR THE BOOBS! Go back to kissing her on the lips and neck! (In fact, until you are fully going down on her, you should always return to her mouth every so often to kiss her passionately). Then, taking your time, make your way down to her breasts, but DO NOT GO FOR HER NIPPLES! Kiss them in slow circles, leaving the nipples for LAST!

This entire process should take around 30 minutes and will get her more turned on then she’s EVER been before! Building anticipation like this paves the way for her to have INTENSE orgasms and lots of them at that.

#6: Give Her More Oral Sex

I’m constantly amazed by how many men have told me that they don’t give women oral sex that often, or that they don’t do it at all. If you know how to do oral sex right right, it is the fastest and easiest way to give her orgasms.

Plus, once you make her finish through oral sex she’ll be MUCH more responsive during intercourse.

New Oral Sex Position to Try on Her

FIRST, make sure she’s wearing a TIGHT pair of jeans (this is important).

Then throw her down on the bed and slide her jeans and panties NO LOWER than mid-thigh. This ensures her legs will be pressed firmly together the entire time.

Start by very lightly moving the tip of your tongue up and down her slit. (like you’re teasing her)

Then gradually allow your tongue to go in deeper (while still moving up and down).

When you’re ready, pull her outer lips UP slightly, without PARTING them, to expose more of her clit. …and tend to it with your tongue and fingers as you normally would (side to side, up and down, circular motions, etc).

Next, glide your tongue all the way towards her hole, the challenge is to get it in there even with her legs tightly shut.

IF you manage to get it in, thrust it in and out, like you would your middle finger.

Lastly, return your tongue to her clit and stick a few digits in her hole to push up on her G-spot…

These are all your typical oral sex techniques, but if you perform them WITHOUT parting her legs, the unexpected approach will make her cum like CRAZY!

#7: Turn Her On with Your Words

Most men are afraid to say ANYTHING or make any noise in bed because they’re afraid the woman will think they’re cheesy or weird.

But if they were privy to these private female conversations, they would know the exact OPPOSITE is true. You need to learn how to be vocal in bed, and how to turn a woman on through sexual talk.

Examples of Turning Her on with Dirty Talk:

As you massage and kiss her body, you are talking to her as well. You are relaxing her and arousing her with your speech. Tell her things that show your arousal, thus transferring an arousal state.

  • I love the way you taste.
  • I can’t keep my hands off you.
  • The smell of your skin is driving me crazy.

Simple comments like this are telling her you want more. You are going to do more. She is exciting and arousing to you. She feels sexy. She feels wanted. She feels everything, and it feels good.

See Also: Say This: Talk Dirty and Turn Her On

#8: Use “Sexual Eye Contact”

Have you ever had an orgasm while looking into your partners eyes the entire time? It is one of the most intensely pleasurable experiences you can have.

The “sexual eye” contact heightens the feelings of pleasure and connection beyond anything I can describe in words. And any woman who has experienced this before CRAVES more of it.

Avoid the typical routine of turning off all the lights and just grunting and pounding away in the dark. Start to work some eye contact into your sexual encounters, and see how much it turns her on.

#9: Give Her Multiple “Types” of Orgasms

Most men can only have one type of orgasm … after which they usually lose their erection temporarily before they can get hard and have another. Women however, can have MANY different types of orgasms.

These orgasms range from those that are barely noticeable to her man, to SCREAMING, TOE-CURLING, even bed soaking squirting orgasms.

3 Types of Female Orgasms

Let’s talk about some of the types of orgasms women are capable of having.

1.) Clitoral Orgasm: This orgasm concentrates on the clitoris. Not as intense as the deep spot and other vaginal orgasms but still a great warm up and relatively easy to give.

2.) G-Spot Orgasm: Similar to the deep spot orgasm but not quite as intense. Still a great orgasm to have in the bag of tricks to get her “primed” for multiples during sex.

3.) Anal orgasm: This occurs when you have a clitoral or vaginal orgasm during “rear entry.”  It feels very different to a girl than a clitoral or vaginal orgasm alone.

4.) Deep Spot Orgasm: The “deep spot” orgasm is often the first time many woman have a true “internal” orgasm, as it’s usually easier for a woman to have one of these than it is for her to have one during sex.

5.) Squirting Orgasm: Ah, the mysterious one! Well first of all I will tell you, squirting orgasms are VERY REAL and every woman has the “equipment” to have one! Actually getting your girl to experience one of these intense orgasms is a whole other article altogether.

See Also: The Secret to the Squiring Orgasm

#10: Get Her Pleasing You

Men are obsessed with “putting in a good performance” in bed. And to some extent this is not a bad thing . You do want to give her sexual pleasure and orgasms.

But if you need to be “performing” for her ALL THE TIME, then this can be a big turn-off for her.

She wants a guy who can also set up situations where she can perform for HIM.

For example, almost ALL women love giving blowjobs if the guy can get her thinking about them the right way.

And if you can get her to “perform” for you like this, especially if she’s doing something she usually doesn’t do for other guys,  it’ll be a huge sexual thrill to her.

As you can see, this is what women want in bed.