Dating >Attraction > Change a Girl’s Mind
by Chris Anderson• Updated: August 10, 2022
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How to Change a Girl’s Mind About You
Have you made a bad impression on a woman?
- Maybe she rejected you.
- Maybe she put you in the friend zone.
- Maybe she has you figured out.
- Maybe she pigeonholed you as the nice guy that she’s not attracted to.
If a woman has an opinion of you that prevents her from becoming attracted, is it possible to change her mind?
The answer is yes.
In this article, I’m going to give you three secrets to getting a second chance at a first impression.
This is exciting because if you think, “I don’t stand a chance with this girl,” these are going to be things you could use right away to change her mind about you.
Change Her Mind Trick #1: Escalation Is Attractive
- Maybe you had a date with her but created only a friendly vibe.
- Maybe you work with her and never asked her out.
- Maybe you have a class with her, never made a move, and missed your window.
Now she’s made up her mind about you.
She thinks, “This is a guy who doesn’t go for it.”
You feel stuck.
Until you realize that escalation is attractive.
Making a move on her actually MAKES you more attractive.
It works even if you haven’t made a move in the past.
The Real “Rejection Fear” Men Have
With a girl you’ve seen a lot, a lot of guys say, “It’s not even the fear of rejection at this point, it’s the fear of misreading the signals.”
You’re afraid that you’ll work up the nerve to go for it, only for her to say, “You thought I liked you? Where did you get that idea?”
Here’s how I help guys get over that fear.
I call it the win-win: if you go for it, you earn points with her whether it works or not.
If you go for the kiss or go to grab her hand, maybe she’s not into it. Maybe she turns away.
But you can smile. Because in that moment, she’s saying, “Wow, this guy goes for it. I look at him differently now.”
An Example of Changing Her Mind (In Reverse)
It works when women do this tactic on us.
Bobby Rio was working at a bar when he was younger. One night, he went out for drinks with a group from work. One of his female coworkers reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it as they walked through the door. She held it for about two minutes, just until they got to where they were going.
In that moment, he began seeing her in a new way because it sent electricity down his spine.
Changing a Female Friend’s Mind About You
I had a situation with a really hot woman I had known for a long time, but I never hit on her because I always had a girlfriend.
Then, one night, I was no longer with my girlfriend and we were out drinking. I made a move on her and we wound up going for it.
She told me afterwards, “I never thought I would do that with you. I always pictured you as asexual. Then you hit on me and it was like, ‘Whoa, that’s another side of him.'”
And sometimes you just need to show that other side.
The same thing goes for an ex-girlfriend. Making that move again could reignite the feeling.
Escalation in itself is attractive.
Doing It Right: A Quick Caveat
If you make a move on a woman and it doesn’t work, your escalation will be perceived as attractive as long as you don’t show that you were affected by the rejection.
As long as your face doesn’t wilt and your body language doesn’t slump.
If she rejects you, think to yourself, “Hey, it’s totally cool. I go for what I want.”
She’s going to look at you as more attractive.
She’ll think, “He’s a guy who goes for what he wants. If he doesn’t get it, he doesn’t pout. He doesn’t look sad.”
That gives you the chance to try again later, which is awesome.
If You Want to Change Her Mind, Make the Move
The sooner you make a move, something in her mind goes, “He expected me to like him. That means he’s used to girls liking him.”
When you hesitate, you’re showing the opposite. She’ll think, “He didn’t expect me to like him. Girls probably reject him a lot.”
Women look to other women to determine how they should feel about you. So, by going for it and demonstrating that confidence, you’re demonstrating that you’re experienced in this.
Believing that other women find you attractive will open her up to finding you attractive, too.
In a nutshell, there’s no downside to going for it.
You can’t come here and tell me, “Oh, I couldn’t go for it. I was scared.” You’re only hurting yourself. Going for escalation is a win-win.
Being a “Challenge” vs Being a “Wussy”
What About the “Me Too” Movement
A lot of guys ask, “What about Me Too and Harvey Weinstein? If I make a move, won’t that make me a bad person and get me cancelled?”
We’re not telling you to force yourself on her.
We’re saying make a move.
Guys have been trying to kiss girls for millennia. In this situation, create an attractive vibe, go for the kiss, and respect her boundaries.
If you want to play it extra safe, you could go for the kiss by going 90% the way there, then leaving your lips just a few centimeters away from hers, then wait for her to move the final 10% of the distance to kiss you.
You’re not going to disrespect anybody. This isn’t about overstepping boundaries. It’s about being a man and going for it.
Don’t Try to Change Her Mind, Change “THIS” Instead
@bobbyriocoach here’s how to change a girl’s mind about you #datingadviceformen #datingtipsformen #bobbyrio ♬ original sound – Bobby Rio- Dating Coach 4 Men
Change Her Mind Trick #2: Let Her Observe You in a Group
A lot of times you know a girl from hanging out in the same social circle.
A common mistake is, when in a group, to try to talk to her the whole time, striving to do and say things to make her like you.
Instead, when in a larger group, it’s much more attractive to let her observe you doing attractive things, then let those things change her opinion of you.
An Example of Showing Your Attractive Side
Yeas ago, I liked a certain girl. While the whole social circle was out at a bar one night, I overheard that the girl had a crush on my friend, but not on me.
I was incredibly disappointed, but then I told myself, “You know what? She has this opinion of me that she’s not attracted to. I can change her mind if I show her something she’s never seen from me before.”
I immediately got up, made a B-line for a table full of some of the most attractive girls you’ve ever seen.
I got them laughing, got them up, and got a number or two, all within eyesight of the girl I liked.
When I got back to my group, her opinion had instantly changed. She grabbed me and asked, “Why don’t you like me?”
I replied, “Well, of course I like you. What are you talking about?”
We’ll end the story there to keep this PG, but the two of us had a great night together. It was all because in that moment, she’d seen me in a new light.
A Variety of Ways to Do it
There’s more ways to change her opinion that just being seen talking to girls.
- You could let her observe you leading guys.
- You can demonstrate a skill she didn’t know you had
- Or you could bring her into a situation where you have the confidence (something you’re naturally good at(
Be careful following a woman into her world. You’ll always be a bit off balance. She’ll know everyone, you’ll be leaning on her a little bit. It’s bad for the dynamic.
But if there’s a place where you have the situational confidence and you have more of the so-called star power, bring her into that world and let her see that there’s guys that look up to you.
The Frat House Example
It was like there were two Bobby Rios back in college: the Bobby that worked… and the Bobby that lived in a frat house.
At work, he was a quiet, introverted guy that girls just looked at as the nice guy.
But at the frat house where he lived, he’d drink, he knew everybody, he had incredibly high social status.
So whenever he liked a girl from work, he say, “Hey, I’m having some people over,” and he’d invite her to the frat house.
He knew when she saw him in that new environment, it would change her mind.
How to Change Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Mind?
What if the girl you want is your ex-girlfriend? You don’t see her anymore, so how are you supposed to let her observe you doing things that change her opinion?
I once had a girlfriend break up with me right before we were supposed to go on a trip to Mexico together for vacation.
I thought to myself, “You know what? I’m still going on the trip.”
I got two of my buddies to go, and we met some girls down there that we were hanging out with the whole time.
I actually didn’t do anything sexual with those girls, we became best friends, but took a lot of pictures of us in Mexico partying and I posted them on social media.
To date this story a bit, I posted them on Myspace.
A week later, my ex-girlfriend called me. She said, “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while.”
She’d seen my pictures and her opinion of me was changed.
Changing a Girl’s Mind Using Social Media
If you don’t see a woman on a regular basis, then social media is your best way to let her observe you doing attractive things.
But you don’t want to be too obvious about it.
That last example of the vacation in Mexico was very obvious: posting pictures with girls.
It works better when you do it in ways that are under the radar.
We have other articles on our site that talk more about that, but anything you can do that allows her to see you in a new light or see that there’s people out there that find you attractive.
Or even just see something different about you, you could show yourself doing a new activity that she didn’t imagine you would do.
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Change Her Mind Trick #3: Break Her Expectation
This one is especially true in a “friend zone” situation.
When you’re in the friend zone, she consciously or subconsciously knows that she has power over you.
She thinks, “Oh, I’ve got Chris. He kind of has a crush on me.”
And there’s things she expects that go along with that.
- She expects that if she asks you to hang out, you’re going to say “yes.”
- She expects that if you guys are hanging out, you’re going to want to stay out as long as possible.
- She expects that when you hang out with her, she’ll always be the one to end the interaction, saying, “I’m tired. I should get going.”
- She expects you would never end the interaction first because you’ve got a sliver of hope that something might happen between you two.
An Example of Breaking Her Expectations
Using that example, breaking an expectation would be: you’re hanging out with her and an hour and a half into hanging out you’re like, “I’m kind of feeling tired. You want to call it a night?”
She’ll notice right away that something’s different.
Women are really in tune to the vibe and the dynamic. If you’re just tired, or if she asks you to hang out one night and you’re like, “I can’t,” then the dynamic shifts and this is going to start changing her opinion of you.
Never Give Her an Explanation
When she asks you to hang out, the key thing to saying, “I can’t” is you don’t give an explanation.
Don’t say, “I can’t, I got to get up early tomorrow and it’s going to be a really busy day of meetings.”
That takes the mystery out of it.
Don’t Counter-Offer Either
Don’t say, “I can’t tonight. How about tomorrow night?” or, “How about next week?”
Just simply say, “I can’t tonight.”
Because then she’ll start wondering why. She’ll think, “Whoa. Is somebody else in his life?”
Make Her Ego Your Ally
When you get her wondering about why you’re unavailable, it works because of the human ego.
There’s a validation she feels just from knowing that you like her. When she starts to feel that disappearing, she’ll want to get it back.
She’ll realize, “I don’t have that power over him anymore.” It will drive her crazy.
Change a Girl’s Mind By Saying “No”
Maybe the woman you like is a coworker, and in the past, she would ask you for favors and you always made time to do them for her.
Break that expectation by saying, “Hey, I’m actually really busy today.”
Saying “no” to a woman that you’ve never said “no” to will get her on the road to changing her opinion of you.
In fact “no” is one of the words that turn a woman on.
Breaking Expectations in Social Environments
What if you and the woman you like are in a social environment or a party.
Her expectation is going to be that you’ll be hovering around her. Maybe she’s used to you following her around, almost like she’s leading you through the party.
Break that expectation by being autonomous. Go off on your own.
Talk to other girls, talk to other guys. Let her see that you’re not attached to what she’s doing. Live your own life.
This doesn’t mean you ignore her.
You can come back and have a little conversation with her.
The key is showing that you can walk away, you like her but you can do your own thing, too.
Breaking Her Expectations with Your Phone
A private coaching client once asked me, “What do I do to break her expectation?”
I said, “When you’re with her normally, what do you do?”
He said, “Well, we just talk the whole time.”
I asked, “Do you ever text anyone while you’re with her?”
He said, “No, I don’t even look at my phone.”
I advised, “Next time you’re with her, be on your phone periodically. Be very interested in texting other people.”
The phone is now competing with her. She’s like, “What is he doing? Who’s on that phone?”
Breaking Her Expectation By Being Distracted
Girls show up to dates and act distracted all the time.
So flip it on them.
You could let yourself be distracted watching sports. Just be distracted. Because the expectation is that you’ve always given her your full attention in the past.
If she wonders who you’re texting, her mind will start going crazy. She’ll think, “He’s talking to a girl.”
The Next Steps to Change a Girl’s Mind About You
On its own, the tactic of acting distracted won’t be enough to fully change her opinion.
But it opens a window of opportunity: you can now reframe yourself in her mind using a combination of the tips in this article, along with several other things.
Hijack the Friend Zone
I sometimes shock guys by saying that the “friend zone” is actually a good thing.
You never want to be “friend zoned”, but if it’s already happened, you can make it work to your advantage.
It gives you opportunities to do subtle, under-the-radar things that get her looking at you differently.
It allows you to slowly add elements of sexual attraction that she needs to feel.
Point blank: you need to be able to add that feeling of sexuality.
Because if she doesn’t feel sexual attraction to you, it doesn’t matter how well you get along with her or how much you have in common.
Bobby Rio and I put together a free class called Become the Friend She Falls in Love With, and it’s all about a series of under-the-radar moves that you can do to:
- Make her realize she doesn’t have you all figured out.
- Get her feeling sexual attraction to you, using stealth tactics.
We’ll go into more detail, because that’s very important.
We want to help you take it to the next step where she feels desire and attraction for you. And that’s what this class is all about.
We’re going to do it a couple times and then put it back in the vault. This isn’t something we’re going to leave available.
The class will last about an hour, because we really want to have the time to break down my series of three steps to seducing a female friend.
If you’re interested in becoming the friend she falls in love with, you can register by clicking the link below. It’s completely free.