Dating > Attraction > How to Make a Girl Chase You
by Bobby Rio • Updated: September 14, 2024
See Also
- Do NOT do THIS When a Girl “Pulls Away”
- 5 Weird Traits Women Chase
- How to Make a Girl Obsessed with You
Stop Chasing Her, Do This to Turn the Tables and Make Her Chase You
Can you turn things around with a girl who’s losing interest, asks you for space… or tells you’ she’s not sure how she feels about you’?
This is one of the most common questions I get from clients, and the answer is YES. But not by doing any of the things that most guys assume will work to get her back.
In fact, the things that stop a woman from “pulling away”, and turn things around with her, and make a girl chase you, are counter-intuitive, meaning, in a lot of ways, they’re the OPPOSITE of what you naturally want to do.
So in this article, I’m going to give you five powerful tools, so that you stop chasing her, and turn things around so that she’s chasing you instead.
5 Simple Techniques That Make a Girl Chase You
I’m going to go through all five, and give you real world examples of how to use them to reattract a woman and stop her from pulling away.
And having coached so many guys who’ve come to me in a situation where the woman they like is starting to get cold, or she tells them she’s just not sure what she wants, or has told them she ‘just wants to be friends.’
I’ve had to spend a lot of times developing tools and techniques that can quickly change a girl’s mind about you.
So, if you’ve ever been in that situation, or you’re in that situation right now, here are five tools you can try out.
Tool #1: The Emotional “Pull Back”
So, the first tool is sort of a META idea or mindset, and its meant to counteract your natural inclination. Because if you’re like most guys, when a girl starts losing interest, we go into panic mode, or fall into something I call “emotional quicksand”… And we get desperate in trying to show or convince her we’re right for her.
This might mean confessing our feelings, giving her a gift, or planning some super romantic date. The typical “nice guy” mistakes. Which very often backfires.
I have another article on my site called The 5 big mistakes guys make when a woman pulls away, where I explain why these mistakes are so deadly. But for this article, its just important to know they don’t work.
So, the first overarching mindset or meta strategy is something I call THE PULL BACK.
And this one move (that takes almost no skill to pull off) taps more “psychological” attraction trigger points then just about anything else you can do.
Its this idea of a mental and emotional ” Pull Back.” And its super effective.
What is the “Emotional Pull Back”:
- Texting or calling (a little) less or not calling for a couple of days at a time.
- Wanting to see her (a little) less than you did in the beginning.
- Acting (a little) less enthusiastic and certain of her
Why does this work better than confessing your feelings or giving some of gift?
It really comes down to triggering one principle of human psychology. We have a huge FEAR OF LOSS. Even when we’re not sure we want something, the minute we sense we’re losing it, a natural instinct kicks in to HOLD ONTO IT.
Here’s how it works. When a woman starts losing interest its because doubt has crept into her mind.
And once that doubt creeps in, now she’s focusing on the things she doesn’t like about you, or the reasons it won’t work, or whatever.
On the other hand…
When she thinks she’s about to lose you, she’ll start to focus on your positive qualities.
Again, its just this weird human psychology where we hate to lose something we have.
So you want to eliminate this “”certainty” in her that she has you. Because if she knows she has you, then SHE IS IN CONTROL.
She’s dictating everything. When you hang out, how much time you spend together… Whether or not you get physical. How often you text…
And when she’s in control of these things, your value is diminishing in her eyes, because she KNOWS she’s in control.
And its hard for a woman to respect a man, who lets her be in control.
So, now let’s go through some tools that take this feeling of control away from her.
Tool #2: Create Cognitive Dissonance
So one of the things I always try to help a client do is create some cognitive dissonance in her.
So, what does this mean?
Cognitive dissonance occurs when someone experiences conflicting beliefs or attitudes. And it creates a sense of discomfort that they want to resolve.
We’ve all experienced this at some point with a woman… where two things don’t line up, there is an incongruence that drives us crazy.
So, how does “incongruence” or “cognitive dissonance” lead to increased interest in her?
Well, as she tries to reconcile her perception of you with the new, unexpected behavior, that feeling of control she had, slips away.
She thought she had you figured out, and now she’s like, “this doesn’t make sense.”
Real Life Example:
Let me share a real-life example from a client of mine to illustrate how powerful cognitive dissonance can be in reigniting attraction.
So, my client was dating this girl who saw him as the typical nice guy—predictable, romantic, the kind of guy who probably had his heart broken a few times.
She had him pegged as a certain type of guy, right?
And she kept cooling off the relationship, asking for space, talking about ‘just being friends’.
So, I’m working with him, and we’re trying to find a way to zap this ‘nice guy’ image she has of him, and he casually tells me about how he had been on a reality TV show a few years back..
It was a shot kind of like the show the Bachelor, but less popular, where a guys compete over a couple girls.
And in the show, he ends up kissing a few of the girls on camera. Literally making out with them on camera.
And I ask him if she’s ever seen it. And he says no, he never told her about it because he thought it would make him seem like a player or whatever, or hurt her feelings seeing him kiss a girl.
I told him, “She needs to see that video.”
Why? Because it would create cognitive dissonance.
She had this solid image of him as a sweet, predictable guy. But seeing him in a completely different light—being bold, confident, and a little wild—would challenge that perception.
Now, here’s the thing. If he just showed it to her one day, it might come across like “hey look I used to be cool, girls like me.”
And it would diminish some of the effect.
So, what I told him was, have one of your friends post it on your Facebook page, like “dude I just saw this, crazy funny.”
The point really is just, now she’s going to see it, but not in a way where he’s showing it to her.
And guess what? It worked. When she saw the video, it threw her off balance in the best way possible.
Suddenly, she was questioning her assumptions about him.
She starts seeing him as someone with layers, someone who wasn’t so easily defined. And that mystery, that unpredictability, now has her paying attention to him, because she’s like, ‘maybe I don’t have this guy figured out.’
And that’s exciting for a girl.
See Also
- The #1 Reason Women Reject Men (must read)
- Why Girls Act “Hot” and “Cold”
- How to Make a Girl Think of You Non-Stop
Tool #3: Create a Triangle That Makes a Girl Chase You and Compete for You
So the next tool is to create a triangle.
If you read the book Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene, he talks about his idea of how powerful the TRIANGLE IS.
This tactic actually worked wonders for the same client I mentioned earlier.
After we created some cognitive dissonance, the next step was to add a sense of urgency to their relationship.
You see, his girlf was starting to feel a little too secure, taking her time deciding if she wanted to fully commit.
And when a woman feels like she has all the time in the world, that spark can start to fade.
So, I told him, “You need to create a triangle.”
So what do I mean?
Well, one of things I had recommended he do was take his mind of the girl a bit, by getting out and socializing a bit more. So, he joined a local hiking group. A group of people who met up every Saturday morning for a hike.
It was something he was genuinely interested in, so it made sense. But as luck would have it, there was a girl in the group who was cool to hang out with.
Now, to be clear—he wasn’t interested in her romantically at all. But, because she was in the group, and because he would talk her when they met up…
She naturally became part of the conversation when he was talking to his girlfriend.
Now, if he consciously started trying to make her jealous about this girl, it probably would have backfired, and she would have thought “He’s just trying to make me jealous.”
Which doesn’t work.
But because it was really just part of his life, he didn’t have to shoehorn it in, or go out of his way to try to talk about this other girl.
Golden Rule: Let Her Make Assumptions That Benefit You
Here’s one of the most important things to realize with women: It’s so much better, when SHE makes the assumption on her own.
Meaning whatever you want a woman to believe about you, rather than tell her it, lead to her ASSUME IT. Because we rarely believe things we’re told, but we believe almost everything we assume.
And here’s the thing—women have a sixth sense when it comes to other women.
The moment he casually mentioned this girl, his girlfriend started to zone in on her. She starts thinking ‘is he interested in this new hiking buddy?’
Even little things, like him posting a picture of the group with him standing near this girl… not with his arm around her or anything, just standing near her.
Or just him being excited to go on a hike. Just his girlfriend seeing him looking forward to Saturday mornings, made her a bit nervous.
It made her feel LESS in control.
Was he excited about the hike, or was he excited to see this girl?
And she starts to wonder, “Am i losing my grip on him?”
Now, like i said we kind of stumbled on this triangle, just as a way to get him out of the house and meeting people… but it worked perfectly.
This is one of things I have to explain to guys, because a lot of guys will say “I hate to play games”
And its like, you only have to play games when you’re sitting home obsessing over a girl.
If you’re out there living your life, independent of her, you don’t have to fake these things. They’ll already exist.
The only thing you have to consciously do is not try to comfort the girl. Because, again, like I said earlier its counter-intuitive.
My client was like, “Chelsey is getting jealous about this girl at the hiking group, I should stop going?”
Because that’s our natural inclination, we want to eliminate the friction or uncertainty for the girl.
But that uncertainty actually draws her in.
And it also creates URGENCY.
So, let’s keep this thought in your mind, how can I create a triangle?
Tool #4: Attention Straying
Ok… so the next thing you can do, to turn the tables, is something I call “Attention Straying.”
So.. If you’ve been giving her too much attention—constantly focused on her, making her the center of your world…
Imagine there’s something called an Attention Dial, and up until now, when you’re with her, it’s at nine or 10.
Well, it might be time to dial it back to a 5 or a 6.
This goes back to our meta concept, of the PULL BACK.
Here’s how it works.
Attention Straying is all about gradually pulling back the amount of attention you give her when you’re together. It can even mean strategically ignoring a woman.
It’s a way to make her feel a bit less secure, to spark a sense of urgency and curiosity in her mind. Like, what’s going? Something is different with him.
We’ve all been with a woman where she’s still being nice and all, but you can sense the amount of attention she’s giving you has been dialed back.
And that’s the feeling you want to create in her.
Here are some ways you can start implementing it:
Start by subtly checking your phone more often. Not in an obnoxious way, but just enough for her to notice that you’re not completely absorbed in her every word. If your phone rings, don’t just take the call in front of her. Excuse yourself and go into another room to take it.
Let her wonder what’s so important that it pulls your attention away from her.
If you’re out with her, start conversations with other people. Whether it’s a quick chat with the bartender or a longer conversation with a friend, let her see that you’re not solely focused on her. Make her wait a minute or two while you finish your conversation.
This can make her feel like she’s not your only priority, which can increase her desire to win back your full attention.
Attention Straying is a nice, subtle way to shift the dynamic and keep her on her toes.
The Psychology of Ignoring a Girl
==> Discover the Scrambler Technique
Tool #5: Start Screening Her
So, here’s a powerful mindset shift and technique that can completely turn the tables in your favor.Especially if you find yourself, constantly seeking her approval, and noticing she’s giving you less and less of it.
It’s the shift from being screened to doing the screening.
Here’s what usually happens: when a guy senses that a girl is losing interest.
We panic and we start trying harder to gain her approval, to prove yourself, to live up to her standards.
But here’s the truth—this only makes you seem more desperate and lowers your value in her eyes.
What you need to do instead is flip the script and start screening her, so you position yourself as the prize.
Here’s what I mean…
Screening is all about subtly shifting the dynamic so that she feels like she’s the one being evaluated.
It’s not about being harsh or obvious or judgemental. It’s about casually bringing up your values and interests in a way that makes her wonder if she measures up to your standards.
So, how do you screen a woman?
First off, and this isn’t just for this situation, but in general:
- You want to be aware of your own your values and interests.
- You want to be clear on what you value in a girlfriend. Whether it’s intelligence, spontaneity, ambition, or kindness…
- You need to know what’s important to you.
Once you know your values, weave them into the conversation in a way that feels natural.
For example:
I love reading, I love learning new things. So maybe I would tell a girl about a book I just read,
We’d be talking and all excited I might say: “I just finished this book Sapiens, it was just so interesting, I learned so much about humans”
And then I’d tell her a bit about it, before asking her: “What’s the most interesting book you’ve read lately?”
Because now, she’s gonna be like, oh wow, “what can I tell him that will impress him?”
Now, a lot of women haven’t even read book since they got out of college, so a lot girls will me like “ugh, yea I haven’t read anything in awhile”
And you can give a kind “oh” look… and then move on.
Another example…
“What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done recently?”
Get her in her head, just her going through her mind, trying to find something spontaneous she;s done that will impress you, changes the dynamic.
Now, to be clear, the key here is subtlety.
You’re not interrogating her—you’re just slipping these questions into the conversation when they make sense in a natural way, to gauge if she aligns with what you’re looking for.
When you ask these questions, the goal is to make her feel that you’re genuinely interested in whether she meets your standards.
This creates a shift where she’s now focused on proving herself to you, rather than the other way around.
When you start screening her, you’re essentially telling her, “I know my value, and I’m not just going to settle for anyone.”
This shifts the power dynamic, making her more invested in the interaction because she realizes that she needs to meet your standards, not just the other way around. I
t also shows that you’re not desperate for her approval, which is incredibly attractive. Because, now she’s not just thinking about whether you’re good enough for her—she’s thinking about whether she’s good enough for you.
And that’s exactly where you want to be.
Eliminate the Subtle Mistakes You’re Making
Now one of the most powerful things you can do though is eliminate the subtle mistakes that you’re making…
Because the reality is most of us are making really subtle mistakes and it’s because we have a certain “attraction type” right?
We have a certain vision of what it means to be an attractive guy when we’re with a woman.
We’ve had this vision for for probably since we were in middle school and we continually do it whenever we’re with a girl.
We do certain things because we believe these are the things we need to do with her. And certain guys fit into a different categories.
So what I did was i created a quick seven question quiz and what it does is it asks seven common questions about relationships and dating and flirting. And the way you answer these questions, pinpoints where you fit in this attraction profile and then it also pinpoints your mistakes and how to fix them.
It’s completely free you can take the quiz here.
You can literally answer seven questions and then it will formulate your custom profile with a plan of how to fix it.
I recommend that because most guys are completely oblivious to these subtle mistakes that they’re making.
See Also
