Interview with Christian Hudson of “The Girlfriend Activation System”

Dating Advice > Interviews
by Bobby Rio
Updated: June 20, 2022

More Psychology of Women

The Secrets of the Girlfriend Activation System Revealed

In this interview I got a chance to talk with my friend Christian Hudson, creator of the Girlfriend Activation System.  We cover a variety of topics about Christian Hudson’s Girlfriend Activation System, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this interview.

Bobby:

Hey, guys. How you doing today? I got a special interview for you today. I got my friend, Christian, and we’re going to be talking about something that isn’t really talked about a lot, and that’s the idea of finding a girlfriend. Before we get into it I just want to say hi to Christian and give him a chance to introduce himself.

Christian :

Hey, man. What’s up? How are you guys doing? It’s me. Hello. I’m really happy to be here. This is not the first time we’ve actually had the chance to get together and talk to each other.

Bobby:

Yeah. Yeah. No. We’ve done quite a few of these, and they’re always really good content, which is why I like doing them so much.

Christian:

Yeah. You always ask great questions, which I think is awesome, and this one is like, you know, listen. We’ve put out a fair amount of stuff over the years, but to me the girlfriend thing is like this is it. This was the big deal for me in my whole life. I never wanted to be a master pick up artist. I just really wanted an awesome girlfriend. I’m really excited to be talking about this today, because it’s very near and dear to my heart.

Bobby:

Yeah. That’s also kind of the way I describe you when I kind of talk about you to my list is that you’re not one of those guys that’s going to go out to a nightclub every night and hit on every girl and whatever. You’re not that type, but you’re a guy who always has a really hot, model quality girlfriend on your arms, and you have a cool social circle. You’re kind of living a life that I think a lot of guys want. I want to get into sort of what you think has enabled you to get that. You are good at picking up girls, but I do know you went through a long period in your life where you didn’t have a girlfriend. Now, was this by choice, or were you just messing something up? What was your story? What do you think caused you to kind of go from where you were to where you are now?

See Also:

How Christian Hudson Discovered His Secrets

Christian:

Sure. Well, I think that’s a great question, certainly something a lot of guys can relate to. It’s like you’ve decided, “Okay. I want to get better with women, and I want to have more women in my life, higher quality women in my life. I want more control over the situation,” and you take it upon yourself to get better at this, which I’m guessing is the case for a lot of guys who are listening to this right now. There’s a lot of directions you can go in to get better.

Christian:

I think one of the directions is just have more fun when you’re out socializing. That’s a huge win for a lot of people, becoming more extroverted, learning how to make small talk sexy, stuff like that, so you just enjoy yourself when you’re out. Another direction is living the player lifestyle, which has muchfor a single guy in his twenties. You’re never going to have that time again, and it’s good to kind of get that out of your system, so you’re not having mid-life crises and cheating on your wife when you’re in your 40s or 50s, hopefully not.

Christian:

Then there’s the direction, which is, “Hey. After I’ve done those things I really want to end up with a great girlfriend.” It’s funny, because when I look back at my development, which definitely went through those phases, the desire to have a girlfriend was always at the core of it. Even when I was kind of going out, being super social, and also when I was in my player player phase it was just like I wasn’t really happy in either of those two phases. I never really felt like I was doing the thing that I wanted to do. I felt like I was doing something that would impress other guys if they heard about it, that I should be doing, and that it was necessary for me to do.

Lessons Christian Hudson Learned While Creating Girlfriend Activation System

Christian:

Of course we can’t always have perfect vision about what’s necessary for our future. Hindsight is the only thing that’s really 20/20, but there were some big lessons to take away from that. I think the biggest one is that A, having the mindset of a guy who’s ready to be in a relationship is very different than having the mindset of being a guy who’s good with women, so to speak, in his own mind. You know? I learned how to go out, how to pick up girls, how to have fun, how to pull girls home, and all that, but that was a very narrow form of being good with women. It was a form of being good with women that basically involved amplifying their emotions, making them excited, a lot of the stuff you talk about in Make Small Talk Sexy, in some of your programs, and then basically learning logistics for extraction and then pulling them back home.

Bonus Video: Christian Hudson and Bobby Rio Discuss Texting


Christian:

You know, there gets to be a point where you wake up next to this person, you look her in the eye, and you got to have a real conversation. You got to start to have a real relationship. This is where my mindset was just completely not in the right place. There were still a lot of things that I had to learn about what it takes to be a good boyfriend, what it means to be the sort of man who a woman wants as her boyfriend, and importantly, how to be that guy without being a wuss. I think a lot of us, we have a relationship, and a woman comes and steps all over us, and we’re like, “Oh shit. I got to get better at this women thing.” It’s like, “Okay. Well, I want to eventually end up back in a relationship. How do I do that and take all these things I learned along the way, but not get pushed around, be in control in my relationship, and feel like the bad stuff is not going to happen again?”

Christian:

Yeah. Again, I could talk about this for ages and ages, but I think the big takeaway here is that going through that phase, what I realized is being good with women is much broader than being able to pick up a woman. I would say that the skills that I learned, both in terms of the system I developed and also the thinking patterns of what it takes to be a good boyfriend, I hesitate to call them more advanced than pick up skills, because they’re not like technical. You don’t have to go out, and say this, and do that, and what not, but they’re definitely a level of maturity, emotional maturity and overall manhood maturity, that is beyond what a lot of people are talking about in the dating advice community.

Bobby:

Yeah. I just want to touch on two interesting things that you said there that I think are real important to guys to pay attention to. First was early on when you said that you’ve particularly had more of an underlying desire to have that girlfriend when you were going out and sort of learning how to get better with women. I think that a big disconnect and a big reason that a lot of guys struggle, even after they hit the internet and find dating advice, is because of that disconnect. It’s because there’s sort of an incongruity with what they really want and what they’re out there trying to do. I think a lot of guys get wrapped up in the how to get laid in five minute marketing that they see, and it kind of strays them from what they really want.

Bobby:

Then they go out and it’s like they’re not even motivated to be out talking to these girls that they’re not interested in, but they’re maybe feeling like they have to practice the pick up line they learned, or they have to practice this. There’s something to say about practice, but when there’s an incongruence of what you’re out there doing and what your desire, your core sort of desire wants, it’s very hard to be successful. I know that I felt a very similar strain when I was going through this. I was sort of living a player lifestyle for a little while, and kind of like you said, it was more to get it out of my system than anything, but underneath it was like I would still always want to be finding that girl, and at the same time I’d feel like, “Well, I have to play these games. I have to do this, do this, and this.” It was contradicting each other.

Christian:

Absolutely. By the way, you just summed it up I think so clearly. I think that’s going to resonate with a lot of people who are listening to this. It’s such a perfect encapsulation of what a lot of people go through.

Why Guys Lose the Girls They Really Like

Bobby:

Then the second thing you said that I think is really true is that a lot of guys learn how to get better with girls. You know? They learn a little bit of the attitude, the attractive mindset. They learn these things to attract a girl. Like you said, even though it might have been a bad relationship that got them into their quest to get better, and they wind up getting better, but then they meet that one girl that they like, “Wow. I really like this girl,” and their emotions override their logic, and they don’t know how to handle it. They completely revert back to that guy they were five years ago, before they even studied this stuff.

Bobby:

Time after time they just keep losing the ones they really want, because they don’t know how to kind of … It’s easy maybe for them to use the stuff when it’s a girl they don’t have any sort of emotional investment in, but the minute they start to have some kind of emotional investment in a girl, their entire hard wiring goes amuck, and they totally lose any sort of skill that they had developed. I see it as a coach time and time again, guys emailing me with, “I really like this girl.” They start listing all the things they did to get her. I’m like, “Who taught you this stuff? What are you doing? You know better than this.” Saying that, this is an extremely important topic.

Breakdown of the Girlfriend Activation System

Christian:

Absolutely. That was the toughest thing to learn. I kind of break things up into four phases. This is a little bit easier with a white board or something visual to describe it with, but I think people will understand. The four phases that I’ve found, in terms of going from meeting her to getting a girlfriend, are what I call impression, inspection, intimacy, and in love. Well, I’ll run through those real quick. They tie in directly to what you were just talking about, so I’m not getting too far off track here.

Christian:

Impression is you meet her, you make an impression. A lot of guys put a lot of time into trying to find a ton of material to make a good impression. It’s important to make a good impression, but you don’t have to do that much. You just have to make her curious enough about you to give you her number. The next phase is inspection, and that is basically the period from when you have her number to when you guys have sex. She’s basically inspecting the goods. If you have the right mindset, and if you have the right approach to this thing, you’re inspecting her as well. A lot of guys, like you said, they meet a girl, they fall in love, and of that whole qualification mindset, you know, “Is she crazy? Is she actually good for me?”, that goes away.

Christian:

Then the third phase is intimacy. That’s from when you started sleeping together to when you are in a relationship. Then in love, you’re actually in love with the girl. This happens with men and women both. Let’s call a spade a spade. Women can be just as nuts as men.

The Truth About Falling In Love

Christian:

What happens a lot of times for guys is the feelings, I don’t want to say that you’re supposed to have, because the ideal situation is love at first sight. You both fall madly in love with each other, and it’s amazing, but in the modern dating world that’s pretty rare, and what’s more common is that, especially in New York, for example, like this is where I’ve been meeting and dating girls, pretty girls have a lot of options. Because they have all those options, they’re not just giving themselves to one man right away. When I say there’s a way that you’re supposed to get to know somebody I don’t mean that like that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be, but just how it seems to have turned out in our modern dating culture.

Christian:

When you first meet a person you’re not supposed to be all into them. You’re supposed to intrigue them, and they intrigue you. It’s like, “Okay. Let’s discover a little bit more.” Then you get to know each other more, and you develop feelings for each other. You introduce sex, and sexual chemistry is good. From there you develop a true friendship and a true relationship. What often happens is when a guy screws up, and it can happen with a girl too, it’s usually because they take the feelings that they’re, quote unquote, supposed to be having in one of the later phases, in love or intimacy, and they start feeling those feelings and acting that way much earlier than they should. Right after they get the phone number in the inspection phase they’re like, “Whoa. This is the girl for me,” and they start going overboard.

Christian:

Another really interesting thing that happens, and I see this with a lot of guys who study pick up artist stuff, is they get to the intimacy phase, which is they start to sleep with the girl, and they actually close off a little bit. The feelings that they’re supposed to be feelings, specifically the girl wants them to be feeling at that point, which is, “Wow. This guy’s opening up to me. He’s really cool. He’s even more than met the eye. I didn’t know there was this much about him. He’s becoming a great friend. This is amazing.” They actually start backing away from the girl, because they think, “I’m giving too much. We’re getting too close. I have to keep gaming her.” I definitely fell into this trap.

Bobby:

Yeah. I was just thinking I definitely fell into that trap myself.

Christian:

Yup. I think what often happens is there’s a lot of confusion for guys who are studying this stuff, where they kind of mismatch either, I call them techniques, for lack of a better word. They mismatch either the techniques or the feelings to the phase and the thing that a girl wants them to be doing at a particular point in time. I know it all sounds very complicated, but look, it’s not that hard. It’s like you meet a girl. You make a good impression. You get her number. You go out on some dates. You get along. You introduce sexual tension. You eventually start having sex. Then after you start having sex you do certain things that increase the friendship, increase the relationship, and help you two fall in love.

Christian:

If you kind of know the step by step things you have to be doing along the way and you feel like, “Okay. I understand this process. I know what she’s expecting, what she’s looking for, and what’s going to really make her happy during this process,” then it becomes a lot easier to manage your own feelings, because I know what she wants and experiences. Even if like … I’ll give you an example. My current girlfriend, when we met my heart was thumping. You know? When we were dating a little bit I was like, “I’m so into this girl,” but I knew that I didn’t want to overdo it with feelings.

Christian:

I just kind of followed the things that I knew would work. In doing so she ended up as my girlfriend. Even though my feelings were more advanced for her than I was supposed to be feeling, I knew, “Hey. Hold back. Let this thing play out. Here’s how it needs to go.” Sure enough, just like the last five girlfriends I’ve had, it just worked. I think that’s the thing that a lot of guys struggle with here is mismatching feelings, techniques, and timing in that whole sequence of going from meeting her to having her become a girlfriend.

See Also:

Bobby:

That kind of segues into my next question. You know, you brought up your girlfriend. You also brought up the fact that you live in New York City. You end up with girls … I’ve met your girlfriend. Beautiful. I’ve seen the other girls you’ve been with are really attractive, model quality girls, yet you’re pulling them in an environment like New York City, where there’s better looking guys. There’s guys with a hell of a lot more money walking around. You’re pulling the girls that essentially are in that league. They’re in the league of they could be going out with these guys who are dropping $2,000 a night on them on dinner and limos, you know, that kind of … How do you compete? How do you end up with these girls when you’re facing that kind of competition, especially in a city like New York, where it’s the cream of the crop in terms of men with wealth, and power, and influence?

Christian:

It’s funny. My buddy, David, calls those guys the bigger, better deal or the BBD. If I have to refer to them again in this conversation we’ll just call them the bigger, better deals. It’s kind of a misnomer, because I don’t think they’re bigger. It’s really interesting. Right? One of the things I learned after going out in the city for not too long is that, look, there are certain girls who are going to fall for those guys. A, I can’t win with those girls. B, I don’t want those girls. Guys get really down on gold diggers. They’re like, “Oh. That girl’s a gold digging bitch.” It’s like, you know what? That girl is going to make some guy really happy. The guy she’s going to make happy is the guy who wants to be appreciated for how much money he has. That’s a match made in heaven. That’s not me. That’s not most guys.

Christian:

Importantly, the values of a girl like that are not the values that are going to be a good match for me. When it comes to a relationship it’s like values are a really important part of it. It’s not just attraction. It’s like what do you really value? I’ve been very fortunate. The girls who I have dated have not just been really beautiful, but they’ve also been a really strong match for my values, which is something Ireally lead with when I’m talking to a girl. On dates and when we’re getting to know each other I really talk about what’s important to me, what my values are, and do it in a way that’s not like, “Yeah. If a girl’s a gold digging bitch, I won’t put up with her.” It’s not like that. It’s a little bit more passive.

What is the Obsession Story

Christian:

There’s also a bigger picture thing here. I’ll give you an example. My ex-girlfriend was on the set of a movie, and this director was like, “Hey. Break up with your boyfriend. I want to take you down to a Caribbean Island for the weekend. We’ll fly down on my private plane, and we’ll spend some time on a boat.” This is like an interesting deal for a lot of girls, but it doesn’t actually turn them on, and it doesn’t get them interested in a way that makes them think like, “I really want to give myself to this guy.” THat’s basically often one particular form of value to a woman. A, it’s not romantic. B, it’s not really what she’s wired to fall for.

Christian:

I’ve found that there’s this sort of obsession story that, we could talk about this if you wanted, it comes from romance novels. It’s really interesting, because a lot of wealthy guys … I’ve seen this again and again, like wealthy, good looking guys, they basically want their money and their looks to do all the work for them, and they don’t actually want to put in the work to get to know a great girl. To answer your question [inaudible 00:19:26], the reason I’m able to end up with some of these girls is I’m really tapping into this evolutionary level of attraction, whereas these guys, social level of attraction.

Christian:

Let me make sure we’re clear about that point. There are things that we are all socialized to believe are attractive, and I think they are attractive, six pack absolutely, beautiful, perfectly conditioned hair, guys with nice sports cars, guys with money, tall, skinny girls with really thin legs, stuff like that. We’re socialized to see those things as attractive, but if you went back to Victorian England, the model of attractiveness for females was very different than it is today. That’s what I mean by a social level of attractiveness, the images and ideas that we get exposed to as this is what attracts a member of one sex to a member of the other sex.

Christian:

There’s something a lot deeper than that, and that’s an evolutionary level of attractiveness. I’m guessing this concept is not going to be unfamiliar to your listeners. The question is what is attractive at an evolutionary level? What’s deeper than that socialized level of attraction? That’s what I began to tap into when I started really trying to figure this stuff out, when I started reading romance novels and literotica, and that’s where I was able to totally dominate over the guys who had more money, better looking, more access, all that stuff. It was by tapping into this more evolutionary attractive story that the women just seem to fall for.

Bobby:

Awesome. I totally, totally feel you on that whole idea of the evolution versus social psychology, but you’ve really sort of intrigued me with this idea of an obsession story that women are born to get addicted to. What is this? How can out listeners use it?

Discovering the Obsession Story

Christian Hudson:

The big breakthrough for me in all this stuff … Listen. We’ve got some great stuff on going out and picking up chicks, and all that. It’s fun and all that, but when I started to look at, “Why am I failing in getting a girlfriend?”, which I was failing for many years … My goal was to get a girlfriend. I was failing, and failing, and failing. I wanted to give up, because I had read all the pick up stuff I could read and all the dating advice I could read, and I wasn’t getting there. I stumbled into this weird world of literotica, which is basically like female pornography. We’re recording this around the time that 50 Shades of Gray is this huge book. Everyone was talking about it.

Christian:

This is huge. One of my favorite statistics is that in 2008 as many women bought literotica novels and read literotica websites as their were men that subscribed to pornography. It’s basically the equivalent of, you know, of male pornography, but women have a very different way of getting turned on. Men are able to get physically aroused by very few things. We can see a butt, or a boob, or a face, of a pair of legs, and we can basically get turned on by that alone, and get an erection, and be ready to go. In practice, I’m in my mid-30s now, and it usually takes more than a boob to turn me on, but maybe it depends on how much alcohol I’ve had that night.

Christian:

Now, in terms of women it’s a very different way that they become aroused by a man or want to give themselves to a man. It’s not just a physical level of arousal, a physiological level of arousal. It’s a psychological level of arousal. It requires that certain things be there. It doesn’t work with an or mechanism. It works with an and mechanism. Whereas a man it could be butts, or boobs, or legs, with a woman it’s like this, and that, and that other thing. It has a lot less to do with physical appearance or money, and it has a lot more to do with the feelings that the man is able to activate inside of her and how that makes her feel in response.

Christian:

I learned this by literally dissecting hundreds of literotica and romance novels. Look. The plot line in every single one of those is the same. It’s like man meets woman, makes a strong impression. Man is slightly too good for woman, but is convinced to have sex with her. After sex man slightly withdraws, but is still warm enough that woman pursues him, and he uniquely falls in love with her. Even though he didn’t like her at first, he all of a sudden finds something very unique about her. Then man is helplessly won over.

Christian:

What’s interesting is that even though the man in these stories, it could be a beta male or it could be an alpha male, the man is always sort of one of the main characters, but the protagonist and the way the storyline works is that the female’s the real protagonist of it. Right? She’s the one who with her powers wins the man over. That’s what’s really compelling. Basically she’s usually a junior position in some way the man, and then her first big, powerful act is that she seduces him. Then her second big, powerful act is that she makes him fall in love with her. He’s kind of powerless to resist it every time. There are variations on that, but that’s the major storyline that’s prominent to all these books.

What Makes a Woman Chase a Man

Christian:

The question that we got to ask ourselves is, well, okay, if there are millions of these books being sold every year …?” More Danielle Steel books get sold every year than Jay Z albums. If that’s the case, then what about this storyline is it that just sucks women in? What I started realizing … We won’t get too far further in this [inaudible 00:26:02], but I did a lot of research. This is just evolutionarily hard coded into women. When they find themselves the participant in this storyline they cannot help but start to feel certain very powerful emotions of commitment, lust, and love, just by going through it. It sends certain signals to them that, “Hey. This is the right guy. This is how it’s supposed to be.” This is something that forget all her social conditioning. This is hard coded into her by thousands of years of evolution.

Christian:

That’s why these books are so damn addictive. That’s why they sell so much. Essentially what I did was I looked at this and I was like, “Okay. I think I’ve got the foundation of how this whole thing works. Now I’m going to figure out what sort of man I need to be.” You don’t have to be an alpha male asshole by any stretch. There are some alpha male assholes in these books, but there are also some [inaudible 00:27:12] beta guys who totally win. What are the traits that a guy needs to have in order to really be the sort of guy who a woman would want to be with, and then what is the step by step process for translating this sort of nebulous obsession story that I’ve pieced together through hundreds of these books? How can I apply techniques and a real world dating process to that that will work for me, will help me get a girlfriend?

Christian Hudson:

It took a long time to develop this. I’ve been teaching this stuff for, god, like five, seven years now. I’ve come out with quite a few products in that time. I’ve always held this one back, because it’s not like you can go out and just practice a technique at the bar and then be like, “Oh yeah. It works.” You have to know that it’s going to get you a girlfriend. It took five girlfriends and me kind of going through this, and making little adjustments, and refinements, and what not before I was like, “I known I’ve got something here.” Five girlfriends. I wasn’t having relationships with them just to see if the system worked. I really fell in love with these girls. In some cases they were one and a half, two year relationships. You know, this has really taken a long time to develop. With my most recent relationship …

Christian:

Listen. There’s another real big risk here, which is that it makes it sound like women are stupid, and have no control, and have no choice. That’s just not the case. Every single girl I’ve dated, it’s not like … They have their own agency, and independence, and all that, but they just can’t help but fall for this. It’s really amazing. My last relationship I’m in … I broke up with my ex-girlfriend last March, and I think by May I was dating my new girlfriend. It just is like, “Okay. Yup. This is how it works.”

Christian:

The one variable here is of course that you have to like the girl, and you guys have to have real chemistry. It’s not going to work if you just … It’s not like a ray gun that you just point at some girl who you don’t get along with, who you think is a bitch, but who you just want to sleep with. You could manipulate her I guess into sleeping with you, but that wouldn’t be cool. It’s just really amazing how it works. It’s like I go through it and I’m like, “I see the steps happening. The girls are having this reaction. That’s good. I’m really starting to like them.” I end up in a great relationship.

Bobby:

Yeah. As you’re going through this I’m sort of visualizing different scenarios, different girls that sort of got wrapped up in me pretty quickly and also girls where it didn’t work out. It really went the way you said. That process, that obsession story that you laid out in a step by step was really how it came through, it came down to it.

The Secret of the Obsession Story

Christian Hudson:

I told you how a big part of her obsession story is she’s got to feel like she’s winning you over. Listen. It can’t just be like … This is where a lot of pick up guys go wrong is they make it too hard to win them over, and they put up too many barriers, and they think they’re like, “Oh. I’m playing hard to get.” Yeah. You want to do that a little bit, but you still have to make it a little bit of a team effort. The first date, this is where a lot of guys screw things up, because what you can have happen is one of a couple things. You can get really nervous and just feel that awkwardness and like, “Ah. Okay. What’s going to happen here? Am I going to go for the kiss?”, or what not. She can sense that nervousness. She knows what’s up, and it doesn’t feel good to her. She can tell, “This guy’s being nervous.”

Christian:

A lot of guys then go for the kiss on the lips, which I definitely used to do. I’m not going to say it doesn’t work. It’s just there are things that work better than that if you want a girlfriend. What I found when I went for the kiss on the lips is I’m putting my cards on the table right there. She knows she’s won me over. She knows I’m sexually interested. The question in her mind, which I want to remain unanswered, gets answered at that point. To get her to the point where she’s a girlfriend I want her to keep having questions about, “Does he like me? Am I winning him over? Is this working?”

Christian:

I want her in my absence to be thinking about me and thinking about ways to win me over, surprise me, impress me, and just generally doting on me. When I go for that kiss on the lips at the end of the first date that question gets answered, and she does not have that same hole to fill between date one and two with the unanswered question. She’s not wondering. She knows what’s up, and she’s knows what’s coming in date two, which is I’m probably going to try to take it even further.

Christian:

What’s really interesting is when I was dating a lot I ran into a lot of resistance on second dates when I would try to pull girls back to my apartment. I would be like, “Okay. It’s time to go.” It just really pushed a lot of girls away, so I started doing this. At the end of the first date rather than doing any of those things I just discussed, I will lean in very assertively, like put my hand behind her back, [inaudible 00:33:04] I’m putting her in a taxi, put my hand behind her back, and go straight for the kiss on the cheek. As I do that I go right for her cheek. Even if she’s ready to give me the lips, I go for the cheek. I pull away, look her dead in the eye, and say like, “I had a great time tonight. We might just have to do this again sometime.”

Christian Hudson:

That has such an electrifying impact on the girl. She basically at this point she’s like, “Whoa. He’s incredibly assertive about going for the kiss, [inaudible 00:33:46] confident. [inaudible 00:33:49] lips. He went for the kiss on the cheek.” It just leaves this huge, unanswered question in her mind, which then when you follow it up with this next thing, which is like, “We might just have to see each other again sometime,” it just totally throws her for a loop. You do something like that. We were talking about how am I able to compete with guys who have more money, better looks, all of that.

Christian:

When those guys go for the kiss on the first date they completely give away their interest and their intention, and the girl’s like, “Okay. I know what’s up. I got this guy.” If she goes on a date with me on a Friday night and that guy on a Saturday night, she’s going to be thinking about me, even if she had a great date with that guy, because this is just this genetically pre-wired part of her that wants to win guys over. When she knows that she has a guy won over she stops obsessing over him, and she starts being like, “Okay. I got that,” but she knows she doesn’t have me won over. She’s going to just keep obsessing about it, keep thinking about it, keep wondering about it. All that time that we’re absent I’m taking up space in her head.

Christian:

That’s a really good example of a technique that is so simple. The whole system is built on simple techniques. It’s so simple, but it’s effective in getting her to start being curious, and then becoming really engaged.

Bobby:

How do you walk the fine line though, not going for a kiss on the first date, of not coming across …? I yell at guys all the time for not going for the kiss, and a lot of it comes down to sort of where you are in your skill level and all that. I yell at them, because I know they did it out of fear, not out of a slick move to win her over. They did it because they were too scared, or they were too scared of rejection, which kind of has a negative effect, and the girls walked away not being more intrigued, but being more almost looking down on them like, “Oh. He was too scared. He’s not man enough to go for it.”

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Christian Hudson:

That’s a really great point of distinction, and I talk about it in depth in the system. Listen. There’s a level of assertive with which I go for that kiss, and then when I’m pulling away I’m looking her dead in the eye. I know you’ve seen Top Gun. I know most guys on this have seen Top Gun. It’s those Tom Cruise eyes I like to call them. It’s like looking at her with this look that says, “I know a secret, and you probably want to know it, but I’m not going to let you get it out of me just yet.” It’s really a strong [inaudible 00:37:01]. You can almost substitute … This would be a little sleazy if you were thinking these thoughts, but it’s one step removed from, “I’m going to have sex with you. You don’t know it yet, but you’re going to have so much fun between now and when we do that. I can’t wait to completely rock your world for the next two dates, three dates, whatever. You don’t know what’s coming, but it’s going to be amazing.” It’s this level of confidence that she feels.

Christian:

I think, like you said, a lot of guys, they wuss out. I’ve talked to clients about this too. I mean, they wuss out on that first date. They go for the kiss cheek, because they’re looking for a signal from her to say, “Hey. It’s okay to go for the kiss.” That’s where the fear comes in. She can sense that. She’s like, “He’s not a leader. He’s not going in after what he wants. He’s just being a big wuss bag about this. That’s not the sort of guy for me. I want a guy who takes what he wants, who’s assertive,” and that is a very important trait of the sort of guy who a woman is going to fall for is assertiveness.

Christian:

Now, what’s happening in the ways that I do this is it’s assertiveness, but it’s mixed with intrigue. Because I’m not going for that kiss on the lips, I’m extremely assertive about closing the date out. It’s almost like a business transaction. It’s like, you know, “Hey. It was great to see you.” The tone is very different of course, but it’s like, “It was great to see you.” You kind of come in, you look at her in the eye. You give her that kiss on the cheek, and she feels that strength, and she feels that assertiveness, and she feels like, “You know what? He wanted to go for the kiss on the lips. He’s so certain of himself that he could have, but he didn’t. That’s really weird. He could have. I would have given it to him, but he went for the cheek. What’s up with that?” Every single girl has told me, “That really confused me, because you could have kissed me if you wanted, and yet you didn’t.” I’m like, “I know I didn’t. I had to leave you hanging. I had to let you guess a little bit and figure out whether I liked you or not.” It worked with all of them. They were all like, “Wow.”

Christian :

Then when we’re on the second date I actually do go for the kiss. There’s a specific way that I do that. When it happens it’s so monumental, because they’re like, “Oh my god. He actually wanted to kiss me. Wow. This is incredible.” This is really important. I usually don’t go for sex on the second date. I wait until the third date. Now, there is one exception to that rule, and I talk about it in the video about this program. Does that make sense, Bobby, in terms of like how that mindset, how that action actually plays out and has that effect on the girl?

Bobby:

Yeah. Yeah. No. I understand it. I just wanted to clarify, because my current girlfriend, I didn’t kiss her the first date either. It was more for the reasons you’re saying, but what I wanted to clarify for the guys, which you did, was a lot of guys, they don’t want to do anything vaguely sexual or showing any sort of interest with a girl out of fear. That’s what I wanted to kind of differentiate. Saying, “Hey. I don’t want you kissing a girl on a first date,” isn’t an excuse for them to totally hide the fact that they’re attracted to her and risk running into the friend zone, which does happen to quite a few guys.

Christian:

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. No. You still want to have that same … I’ll tell you what. If a guy really wants to, quote unquote, practice this stuff, it’s good to go for that kiss, because assertiveness is so, so attractive. If you cannot be assertive, it’s like women just will not … You’re certainly not going to get the sort of girls that I date, because these girls definitely need an assertive guy. Yeah. It’s like you don’t have to go for the kiss on the lips to be assertive. It’s just more about taking control of the situation. One of the great things for me and the guys who I’ve taught this to is because they know exactly what to do every step of the way, they’re able to be assertive, because they know it’s going to work. It’s like, “Okay. I’m going to do this, and it’s going to work this way. Here’s the response she’s going to have. I’m just going to do it,” and there’s no thinking about it. You know?

Bobby:

Yeah. You mentioned that you had recently put out a video where you give more tips. What are guys going to learn in this video? I know we’re at about 45 minutes now. I don’t want to keep guys … I know attention spans on these kind of calls get low. Let’s talk about this video where they can learn more information about this idea of getting a girlfriend. What’s in this video? Where can they find it?

Christian:

I put a presentation together, which one of the critical … First of all, I want to explain to the guys how I got here, because I had a pretty terrible experience, one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life in terms of showing up at a girl’s house and she was sleeping with another guy. It was bad. It was really bad. I talk a little bit about that, because I want guys to know I have not been great with women my whole life. I give a great tip in there too about how to determine whether a girl will sleep with you on the first date.

Christian:

This is really important, because listen. I just found this in New York. Some girls need to get going real soon. I was talking about assertiveness being important for a girl. Some girls want to bang on the first date. It’s really weird, but it’s this little screening mechanism they have that they say, “I want a sexually assertive man.” If they’re that sort of girl and you don’t, then you will lose them, and they will find a guy who will satisfy them in that way. Those girls are really fun. I’ve never actually had one as a girlfriend, but I’ve dated them for extended weeks. They make great fuck buddies.

Christian:

I give away a technique in this video where I basically teach, “Hey. Here’s how you can tell whether the girl is that type or the type who’s going to need a few dates before she’s going to sleep with you.’ It’s really, really easy to do. It’s just four little questions you ask her. Yeah. It works great. It’s one of these weird things, man, where I remember this girl. This is the first time this really hit me was I took her out on a really nice date. She came over to my house. Here’s a short story. She came over to my house, which is a huge step. Basically that’s the first step is you ask her if she’ll meet you at your house. If she says no, then she’s the sort of girl who definitely expects the proper courtship process. If she says yes, then it’s a pretty good sign that she’s heading in the direction of sex on the first date. There’s three more things you need to do.

Christian:

She showed up at my house, and she was looking really hot. I was like, “Okay. Let’s go on our date.” We go on a two hour date that I had planned, and it’s really romantic. We end up back at my house. We’re hooking up, and at the end of hooking up she looks at me and she’s like, “You know, all I really wanted to do was fuck you. You didn’t have to spend all that money and take me out on that date.” I was like, “Oh, really?” She’s like, “Yeah. Not all girls want to be romanced.” I was like, “Whoa. That’s really cool.” I basically developed a four step process of figuring out whether the girl’s one way or the other. I talk about that in the video. Also I just tell you more about the course and more about what goes into the system, and how you can get it if you want access to it.

Bobby:

Awesome, man. Sounds good. Definitely recommend these guys head over to makesmalltalksexy/activate, where they can watch the video, learn more about this stuff. I find this stuff fascinating, the whole differences. I know that a lot of guys listening to this really want a girlfriend, and I think that this is definitely a great tool to help them get that.

Christian:

Nice. I would agree with you 100% on that. Yeah. [inaudible 00:45:38] I’ve never put something out like this that I believe in so much. Yeah. I really hope it’s going to have a big impact on people. The guys who have already picked it up have just absolutely, completely loved it. I mean, I’ve got I don’t know how many comments on our members area right now, but just tons, tons of great comments from guys. There are a few surprise bonuses in the course. I’m really, really pumped about this. Yeah. I’d love to have some of you guys on board before it closes out. Definitely at the very least stick around for that tip, because that’s going to be really, really helpful if you’re dating a lot right now.

Bobby:

Yup. Thanks, man. Thanks for doing this call, and I’ll be talking to you soon, man.

Christian:

Thanks for having me, dude. Thank you, guys. Hopefully see you all soon.

Bobby:

All right. I hope you enjoyed this interview, and I recommend checking out Christian’s video at makesmalltalksexy.com/activate. I think you’ll really enjoy it. If you’re looking to find a girlfriend, I think you’re going to find it invaluable.