“THIS” is What to Say to a Girl When You Flirt with Her
Let’s face it; talking to a beautiful woman does not come easily to too many of us.
Holding a fun and flirtatious conversation with a woman does not need to be difficult.
But I can tell you right now, that if you start talking to a woman, and quickly find yourself asking her a lot of questions about her job, school, if she has pets, or any other type of questions that even vaguely resemble stuff that would be on a job application- you’re dead in the water.
So I’ve put together a list of nine ways to make sure that you’re having conversations filled with fun and banter- and ultimately escalate you toward your goal of sleeping with her.
#1: Avoid asking too many questions… instead make statements
After breaking the ice with a woman, most guys will immediately start bombarding her with questions. These questions usually tend to be boring “get to know you” questions… you know, the same sort of questions your aunt will ask you at a family party.
Asking too many questions not only bores her, but it will also prevent her from actually engaging in the conversation.
What usually happens is men will jump from question to question, without ever having the sense to expand upon a conversation topic you can tell she loves to talk about.
Try this instead:
Any time you are talking to a woman and you ask her a question… follow up her answer with a statement rather than simply moving on to the next question. This not only shows that you are listening to her, but also shows that you can connect at a different level. And will usually open up the conversation to move toward more fun or intimate topics.
You: So do you have any pets?
Her: Yea, I actually have three of the cutest cats in the world.
You: Mmm…. So you are one of those women with cats, huh? (sly smile)
Her: Stop it.. haha… no I’m not one of those crazy cat women… I just love my cats.
You: They say people who like cats tend to me more independent than dog lovers….
As you can see, just by following up the question with a statement, you are able to expand on the topic and bring a little fun and banter to the conversation.
#2: Qualify Her, Instead of Qualifying Yourself
Once a man senses any sort of rapport with a woman, he immediately becomes scared shitless of breaking that rapport or saying anything that will damage his chances of moving forward. So he stays on “safe” topics. Unfortunately, this tends to work counter-productive… and usually winds up boring a woman that was previously interested.
Try this instead:
Once you sense that you’ve sparked a woman’s interest a little bit begin qualifying her with questions or statements that place you in the role of “the selector.”
This means you will make a statement that may disqualify her as potential lover…
Let’s use the cat example from above to demonstrate:
You: So do you have any pets?
Her: Yea, I have three of the cutest cats in the world.
You: mmmm… We would never get along. I’m a dog person, and what I’ve heard is that dog and cat owners tend to have a really intense sexual connection… but disagree on every other possible point.
As you can see, you took a “safe” topic like pets and we’re able to bring an element of sexuality to the conversation. Not only that, but by making the statement “we would never get along” you’re now placing the burden of approval seeking on her.
#3: Use Cold Reads
As men, we love to talk about facts, events, and amusing surface level stories. While all of these should make up a great deal of your conversations… they tend to limit you from certain areas that really seem to ignite passion in a woman.
Women get their “fix” from talking about the mystical, or the deeper level. Women love to delve into the emotional meaning behind the facts, events, or surface level stories.
If you never hint to a woman that you are capable of communicating on this different wave length… you’re missing out on a great opportunity to separate yourself from other men.
Try this instead:
Next time you’re talking to woman, try using a cold reading that will allow you to go beneath the surface level, and get her to open up to some of her feelings.
A cold read is simply stating something you’ve noticed about her, and then making a deeper observation about it.
Here is an example that you could use fairly soon into a conversation when she says something about a previous date or guy she knew.
You: I can tell just by the way that you are talking there that you are the kind of girl who goes on a lot of dates but has trouble finding someone you’re actually interested in. Then when you find that person, you usually lose interest very quickly.
Her: Yea… that’s so true.
You: I bet you really love adventure… sometimes it scares you, but deep down you crave something exciting. And what is probably happening is every time you’re meeting these guys… you sense within that they are not going to satisfy that adventure you crave.
This particular example allowed you do delve into the mystical and emotional… and also allowed you to disqualify the other guys, and at the same time, present yourself as something new, exciting, and different, who just might be the cure for her ailment.
- Avoid these “Nice Guy” Flirting Mistakes
- 3 Flirting Tips That Make Her Attracted
- “THIS” Creates the Right Vibe with Her
#4: Talk about things that you are passionate about
Since most men stick to “interview mode” topics like work and school… they seldom have a chance to demonstrate their passionate and excited side to a woman. Instead they talk about topics that bore them… and in turn, bore the woman.
Try this instead:
When you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, pretty much all women will use the word passionate. While most of the time, I take what women say they want with a grain of salt… in this case, I found this to be completely true.
The fact is, as Mystery has said in the past, “enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm.” When you talk to a woman, stress the things you are passionate and enthusiastic about.
Having passion towards something can take a relatively mundane subject like cooking… and elevate it to an engrossing conversation.
If you love to travel, let her get a sense of what exactly excites you about seeing the world. If you’re into building your business… let her see the leader in you, let your entrepreneurial spirit shine bright… if you love music, or art, or movies, don’t hide it.
This doesn’t mean brag about your knowledge of these subjects… it means explain what about them really drives you.
Women like men with drive, men who know what they want and go after it… let women see that side of you.
#5: Tease Her to Build Attraction
When most men approach a beautiful woman, they put her on a pedestal… and because of this they tend to treat her like she is royalty. Most men become deathly afraid of offending her. They become so worried about looking cool or coming up with the perfect thing to say, that the conversation quickly fizzles out.
As I previously discussed in how to make women laugh, women want a guy that is fun to be around. The truth is we are all still children at heart. Although most of us love a good intellectual conversation from time to time… when we are out at a bar or on a date, we just want to relax, laugh a little bit, and have a good time… forgetting about the worries and stress in our life.
And the best way to do that is to keep the conversation playful and fun. And you can do this by teasing a girl.
Most men are under the false impression that beautiful women don’t want to talk to them. This is not the case.
Beautiful women crave fun and flirtatious conversations just as much as we do. The fact is, there are so few men who know how to peak a woman’s interest through talking to her, that she is actually dying to meet a man who can.
The main reason most men don’t communicate well with women is because they let their nervousness and anxiety prevent them from showing a woman their fun side. The second biggest reason a man doesn’t connect with a woman is because he doesn’t talk to her in a way that she responds to.
The “Golden Triangle” of Conversation with Girls
#6: Concentrate on the emotions rather than facts
Women are different than men. As we talked about in part one and part two of this series, women love to talk about the meaning behind actions and the emotions they evoke.
It is also true that the emotions that you arise during a conversation she will subconsciously anchor them to you. This means that if you are talking about relationships and she starts talking about all of the bad feelings she experienced with her previous boyfriend, she will begin to associate you with those feelings.
Try this instead:
If it is true that women will anchor negative feelings to you, then it must be true that women will anchor positive feelings to you.
This is why it is important to draw her into a positive emotional state. One way to do this, as discussed in the last article, is to tease her. Another way to do this is to ask questions and make statements that prompt her to talk about specific feelings that she has for something.
If you are talking to a woman and she mentions the fact that she likes to go snowboarding, instead of talking about facts such as what mountain does she usually snowboard at, or what kind equipment does she use (which is common questions you would ask another man) instead get her to talk about the feelings she experiences while snowboarding.
You: Did you do anything fun last weekend?
Her: Yea I went snowboarding. I had the best time.
You: Wow. I love snowboarding. I think I’m literally addicted to the rush I get going down the mountain. What about you? What excites you most about snowboarding?
Her: Well I guess it would be that feeling of adventure… like going so fast, being so scared, but not wanting it to end because it feels like you’re really living.
In this example you’ve taken the topic of snowboard and talked about the meaning behind snowboarding and emotions it evokes. Since these are emotions are positive, you’ve put the woman in a positive mood, and she has subconsciously anchored the feeling of adventure, excitement, and not wanting it to end… to you.
#8: Tell more stories (that put you in a positive light)
When a bunch of guys are sitting around with each other it becomes almost a competition as to who can tell the best story. We try to tell stories that make us appear the funniest, coolest, or most dominant guy in the group. Yet for some reason when we get around a woman we totally forget to make use of this skill.
A woman wants to figure things out about you on her own. She doesn’t necessarily trust everything that you’re saying, so she is trying to look for little clues that will help her determine where you fit in the pecking order.
Stories are a natural way to capture someone’s attention. And when you tell a story right, they are also a great way to drop subtle clues as to the finer points of your persona.
As you tell a story you need to remember that a woman is listening to your story, but at the same time she is reading behind the lines to make certain judgments about you.
For instance, let’s say you tell a story how Tuesday afternoon you were lying in bed with a hangover and someone kept knocking on your door… until finally you answered it and it was these annoying religious freaks trying to convert you to some weird new religion.
Well, while you may have intended the story to be funny farce about the annoying religious people, she has already begun to pigeonhole you as the kind of guy who gets drunk on Monday nights, doesn’t have a job he has to wake up for, and has no ambition to get out of bed until the afternoon. Unless you both are in college, these are not necessarily traits that will excite her.
Try this instead:
You don’t want to come off a bragging during your stories. This is why any positive details about your life you want to emphasize must be hidden within a larger story. This means, while the story itself does not have to be positive, she must be able to uncover positive traits about you from within the story.
Let’s use the same story above about the religious folks knocking on the door and see how we could tell it in a way that sheds some positive light on you.
You: So Tuesday afternoon I’m sleeping late. This was like the first good comfortable sleep I’ve had in a couple weeks as I’ve been busting my ass trying to elevate my business to the next level. Monday night we scored a kick ass contract and me and my team finally decided it was time to celebrate.
So now Tuesday morning I’m lying in bed, with the kind of hangover I haven’t had in years… and I keep hearing a knock on the door. I just don’t want to get out of bed. Later than night I had a few more important meetings, I really wanted to sleep off the hangover so I would be in top shape to deliver the proposal. Well, the knocking stops for like ten minutes… but then starts up again. And now they’re ringing my bell too.
Finally I throw on some clothes and head downstairs and answer the door…and its these two little girls. At first I’m thinking they want to sell me girl scout cookies, but then she hands me this flyer that says “let Jesus save you from your treacherous life” and I’m thinking “am I on some sort of list or something…”
In this version of the story I included enough details to let her jump to the conclusion that I am an ambitious and successful businessman. But I never came out and said it. I gave her this information in the context of a story about a couple of religious nuts trying to convert me.
#9: Remember the non verbal’s
Jon Sinn has an article where he talks about nonverbal flirting. In this article I discussed the subtle things you need to be doing to project that you are a fun, confident man that she should feel excited to be talking to.
Most men don’t do this. Instead, most men let their nervousness control their entire body and they wind up coming off fidgety, tense, and even slightly awkward.
This happens because while men are talking to a woman they get stuck in their own head. They begin concentrating extremely hard on how they can impress the woman, and they wind up looking needy.
Try this instead:
A tip that I heard from a great pickup artist once that has helped me over the years is to imagine that the woman has already told you that later she is going to get naked and sprawl out over you bed and let you have your way with her.
If you knew this, how would you act?
You would probably be quite laid back, with a knowing sly smile on your face, and you would have no problem getting fun and flirtatious because there wasn’t a risk of rejection.
Well, can you imagine how acting this way can actually get you the result of having a woman sprawled out naked in your bed?
Give it a shot next time you’re out.