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Your Masculinity is the Sexiest Thing About You (Stop Hiding)

Dating >Attraction > How to Be Masculine
by Bobby Rio • Updated: August 06, 2024

See Also:

How to Project Masculinity to Women

So here’s a “simple secret” for attracting a really high quality woman, a secret almost no one will tell you…

In fact, if you listen to most people, they’ll actively DISCOURAGE from doing this…

And.. It’s so simple I can tell you what it is in just 3 words…

BE A MAN

Now, in this article, I’ll explain why your masculinity is the sexiest thing about you, how to stop hiding it, and 3 specific things to do to project these masculine traits, traits that women are hardwired to chase.

If you’re like a lot of guys, the word masculinity might make you think of the alpha male, athlete, or a cowboy. You know, the stereotypical guy we associate with the word. Or maybe you’ve been brainwashed to believe that expressing your masculinity is somehow toxic or wrong, and that you’ve got to hide it.

Because here’s a fact, it’s something I’ve come to realize having coached men for the past 15 years: Most guys are secretly ashamed of their masculinity.

They feel like it’s something they need to hide from a woman, especially when they first meet her. And it’s why… SO MANY guys wind up getting stuck in the friend zone with any of the girls they really like.

I’ll repeat what I said earlier, your masculinity is the sexiest thing about you, so stop hiding it…

And start DEMONSTRATING IT.

So, let’s jump into what I mean, and how you should be acting when you’re with a woman you like. Because here’s what happens when the average “nice guy” gets in front of a woman he’s attracted to, and maybe you’re guilty of some of this too:

I know I was guilty for a LONG TIME, where we do this weird thing where try to HIDE the sexiest thing about us…

Examples of hiding your Masculinity:

Projecting ashamed body language, closed off, very non threatening…
Trying to come across as “harmless” and “non-threatening” as possible
Avoiding holding eye contact
Having a goofy “I’m just happy to be here” expression plastered on our face
Being noticeably uncomfortable with any type of “tension”

It’s like we try to make ourselves as ASEXUAL as possible around a woman, somehow believing this will make her attracted. And then wonder why we wind up getting friend zoned.

What’s funny is, and this something my friend Chris Anderson explains really well, is that when we’re with our friends talking about a girl, or we’re alone thinking about a woman, we’re very masculine.

We imagine sleeping with her, and we get very turned on by the thought of being with her, seeing her naked.. right?

But this really weird thing happens when we get in front of her. Where it’s like a switch in our brain flips, and we hide that sexual desire. In fact, a lot of times we don’t even allow ourselves to FEEL it around her…

And instead… we wind up leading with this word right here…

AFFECTION.

And we actually crave affection FROM HER, meaning we want her to LIKE US, more than we want her to desire us.

You might be thinking, no way, Bobby… I want her to desire me.

Well, what you’ve got to realize is, things that make a woman desire you, are a lot different than things that make her feel affection toward you.

What do I mean?

Affection vs Desire in Dating

Affection is about showing care, kindness, and warmth towards someone. It involves gestures like giving compliments, small gifts, doing favors… and verbal expressions of fondness.

Now… affection is essential in any relationship. BUT… when it’s the primary approach you take, it usually leads to the friend zone.

Now, when you hear this, your “inner nice guy” is probably gonna rebel… because its part of his identity, and he’s gonna say: “I’m just being myself, or I can’t help it if I’m a “good guy”…

Now… you got shut that little fucker up.

So.. why is it so bad? Why is this inner “nice guy” so dangerous?

Because when you lead with affection, you come across as friendly, nurturing, harmless… and SAFE..

Obviously these aren’t bad qualities…

But let’s be honest, are women thinking, this guy is so nice, harmless, and safe, that I want to bang him… Usually not.

Here’s the deal…

When you hide your MASCULINE QUALITIES., and you only project these “affectionate qualities” or these “nice qualities”, these ALONE don’t spark any romantic or sexual interest in her.

And romantic and sexual interest is critical if she’s going to see you as anything more than a friendly guy.

Again, affection is friendly, caring, and warm…

Desire, on the other hand, is masculine and POWERFUL.

It’s raw, AND… it’s a little scary, because it creates TENSION… it takes a RISK….

AND… it lets HER KNOW… you see her as a potential “sexual partner”…

Now, obviously, you don’t verbally say this, right?

But you COMMUNICATE IT.

See Also:

How do you communicate desire?

Desire is communicated through:

Bold behavior
Flirtation
Physical touch
Holding eye contact, being in close proximity to her…
And acting with a certain level of assertiveness

Now, I want to ask you a question. And think about it for a second…

If you put yourself into a woman’s perspective, is it more exciting to be desired or LIKED?

The feminine wants to be desired.

But she wants to be desired by MASCULINITY…

I’ll explain what that means in a second.

See, an attractive woman is surrounded by guys who will do nice things for her, guys who will dish out the compliments, and offer to do favors.

Affection is a commodity to her. And it doesn’t create any sort of emotion in her.

On the other hand, a guy who is very comfortable in his masculinity, doesn’t try to hide it, that guy is rare, and it’s why when she meets him, all the rules she has for ‘nice guys’, all the standards the ‘nice guy’ has to live up to… These rules and standards slip out of the window fast when she meets a guy who leads with masculinity.

One piece of advice I’ve given clients for years is “never project a “boyfriend vibe” before you’ve slept with a woman”…

When we like a girl, it’s almost an instinct, for us to project this “I’d make a good boyfriend vibe”.

But this entire vibe is based on being liked, and showing her you that you like her.

You agree with her, you try to bond over topics with her, you do her favors, give her compliments, sometimes you buy her gifts.

But NONE of this is the “masculine behavior” that makes her want to sleep with you, right?

And here’s a cold hard fact, if she has no desire to sleep with you, she’ll NEVER want you as her boyfriend.

This is because “boyfriend behavior” is NOT sexy.

What is Sexy to a Woman is Masculinity and Escalation

Masculinity is sexy. ESCALATION is sexy.

Let’s look at these two words, masculinity and escalation.

Because in a lot of ways they’re intertwined.

So what is escalation?

Escalation is any time you’re moving things forward.

If you’re standing there talking to a woman at a party, escalation is saying “let’s go sit and get more comfortable”.

Why is that sexy?

Because it creates tension, right?

Something might happen, there’s an edge to the interaction now.

It’s no longer harmless… there’s a little uncertainty now.

Escalation is when you’re sitting down next to her talking… instead of filling every second of conversation just to keep things going and show her you have a lot in common…

Instead, you let there be pauses, and you use those pauses to slow things down, to hold eye contact a bit…

Maybe even position yourself a little closer to her, or place you hand on her wrist.

Again, this will create tension, and masculinity is the ability to handle this tension.

Can You Handle Tension with Women?

The average “nice guy” has a lot of difficulty handling tension.

He has trouble holding eye contact.. He has trouble touching a woman for the first time…

Like I said, he wants to keep making jokes and finding topics to bond over, create more AFFECTION…

Because he thinks it will show her how funny he is, and how much they get along, and this will make her LIKE HIM.

Escalation is, when you’re looking at her, and that feeling of attraction is there, and it’s strong, you lean in and kiss her.

And here’s the important part: Even if she turns her cheek, even if she tells you it’s too soon, or she’s not ready, or whatever. You don’t get fazed by it.

You show her that you respect her boundaries, you go back to talking, but it’s NOT a big deal to you that she turned her cheek.

A kiss is not about a kiss. It’s not just about the kiss. It’s about what it represents. It’s a declaration that you’re not afraid to take risks, that you’re not content with the status quo.

Just by escalating you’ve communicated three important, and very masculine qualities.

See Also

3 Masculine Qualities

1) You’re comfortable with your desire for her.

Why would you be ashamed or embarrassed to desire her? It’s masculine to desire a woman right?

You know what’s NOT masculine? When you talk to a girl all night, go on multiple dates, and never even try to kiss her, that’s NOT masculine, that feminine.

Never ever be ashamed or embarrassed to desire a woman. Remember, we already said: It feels good for her to be desired.

2) You respect her boundaries.

You went for what you wanted, and when you didn’t get it, you didn’t get all butt-hurt just because she turned you down.

This shows her you’re mature, you’re not some little boy who can’t deal with rejection, or some ‘nice guy’ who makes things all weird when he finds out his “nice guy” act didn’t work.

In fact, you’re unapologetic about it. Being unapologetic is very masculine. It’s actually one of the most masculine traits you can display.

You live in your own reality. And in this reality, you go for what you want.

And if you don’t get it, the rejection doesn’t kill your self esteem.

You don’t start back peddling and changing your behavior to fit her reality.

3) You’re comfortable with tension.

From an evolutionary standpoint, one of the reasons women are hardwired to desire very masculine traits is because they signal that you’re a protector, that she can feel safe with you.

That’s what’s kind of ironic, the more safe you try to make her feel by coming across as ‘harmless’… The less SAFE she actually feels with you, because from an evolutionary standpoint, she doesn’t believe you have the capacity to protect her.

In terms of tension, being able to handle tension is very masculine. It shows her that you don’t back away from uncomfortable situations.

Now what’s interesting about all of this…

Is she’s actually WAY MORE likely to see you as “BOYFRIEND MATERIAL” when you project these masculine traits, than if you were projecting all the ‘I’d make a good boyfriend’ behavior.

Be honest, how many times did you NOT make a move, because you thought “she has girlfriend potential” or “I want to be respectful”, or “I want to show her I care about her”, or that you’re not just looking for sex.

It’s ironic, that the more we try to show a woman we’d make a good boyfriend, the less she actually wants to be our boyfriend.

When instead, you concentrate on simply embracing your own masculinity, you become way sexier in her eyes. And her attraction to you comes naturally. And she’s way more likely to want to make you her boyfriend.

Now, I’m going to give you three steps to follow going forward.

==>Take the Quiz

3 steps to make sure you’re embracing your masculine side

And to be clear, the examples I gave in this article were about the initial hang outs. But you absolutely need to be projecting your masculine qualities throughout the entire relationship with her.

Step 1: Get clarity on whether or not you’re acting from a place of masculinity most of the time.

If you’re not sure, am I being masculine, or am I messing this up…

I’ve got a quick 10 question assessment, where you’ll get 10 very common situations that come up when you’re hanging out with a woman, and then you have to choose how you would respond in each of the 10 situations.

Now, here’s the thing. The difference between masculine behavior and “nice guy” behavior can be subtle. It’s not always obvious that you’re making a mistake or doing something that is killing her attraction toward you.

So, when you take this 10 question assessment, it takes about 2 minutes, you’ll immediately get your score, which tells you where you fall on this “nice guy” spectrum. And you also get all the answers, and a breakdown on why each answer is correct.

Step 2: Become comfortable with your desire for a woman

This means that when you’re around a woman you’re attracted to, don’t feel ashamed.

Now, this doesn’t mean you gawk over her or stare at her like a creep. It means that when you’re talking to her, you don’t find yourself, pushing that desire to the back-burner and replacing it with affection.

Affection is great when she’s your girlfriend. But here’s the rub, if you give her too much affection BEFORE she’s your girlfriend… She’ll NEVER become your girlfriend.

Just pay attention when you’re talking to a woman, am I leading with desire or affection?

Step 3: Get more comfortable with tension

Now tension exists in all areas of a relationship. For instance, when a woman doesn’t text you back right away, you feel tension. Are you comfortable with it? Or does that feeling gnaw at you?

When you’re talking to a woman and there’s that moment where you make direct eye contact, do you immediately look away to break the tension? Or can you hold it for a second, just enough to display that you’re ok with it?

That’s sexy, that’s masculine.

Exercise for Creating Tension with a Woman

Here’s a simple exercise if you want to practice creating a little tension and getting comfortable with it.

When you introduce yourself to a woman, and you do the ‘nice to meet you’ handshake, just hold her hand a second or two longer than normal. And have a brief moment of eye contact as you’re doing it. Not long enough to be creepy or weird, but long enough to add that little jolt of electricity into the conversation.

Very simple steps to take.

Again, take the 10 question assessment below, because I can almost guarantee that you’re making subtle mistakes, you’re hiding your masculinity without even realizing it.

If you get 8 of of the 10 questions right, you’re probably in a good place. But if you get less than that, you probably have a blind spot in terms of your masculine side.